Nope, not to to the board but to stuff I've needed to let go!
Anyone who has dealt with depression and the internal effects of sustained negative emotions will understand this, I think. It’s been a rough year, for many reasons, and I apologize to those whom I’ve not had the energy and emotional wherewithal to support. Many of you have reached out to me at various times and that has been appreciated more than you know but battling my demons took all I had at times and sapped me of any residual energy.
I feel now that I’ve finally been able to say goodbye and let go, with love, with peace, with acceptance…of myself, as well as others. I’ve had support and help in doing so, from some dear friends (you know who you are, I hope! If you think I just might be referring to you, then trust me, I am). Overall though, just as I’ve had to own my own grief and hurt and anger and resentments, I also own the work I’ve done to overcome my own worst enemy…myself and my unhealthy patterns of thinking and being. Over the past 3 or 4 months I have found rekindled a love of life and a renewed sense of adventure, anticipation and interest in the journey. I’ve been able to look outward again, instead of remaining focused on a negative internal landscape and, recently, one powerful aid in this is a book that I really have to thank Venice for recommending to me: The Celestine Prophecy. There’s a saying that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. I’ve experienced this previously in my life, but strongly feel the “coincidence” at this particular moment and, while I’m still a skeptic at heart, I’m also an idealist (what a mix, hey?? LOL) and do not want to close my mind to the endless possibilities that exist. The book won’t appeal to everyone but any who are interested in spirituality (keeping in mind the distinction between that and religiosity) and the energy flow and connectedness between humans and the natural world will enjoy it.
Life is still life…the kids have to eat, the bills have to be paid, the dogs groomed, the yard mowed, homework completed, and I still am pleasantly surprised each time my old van gets me safely home LOL. I’m not untouched by world events, the sadness I feel about the war and other suffering that occurs daily but my perspective has shifted and the change is an incredibly welcome relief. It's much like how I felt when I was finally able to let go of my borg mentality. Soooo…I guess I’m just sharing my sense of joy and wonder, as I’ve shared in the past my pain and grief. Sorry to inflict it on you all but it’s too much to keep to myself! I welcome others’ expressions, experiences, and thoughts.
Dana