Need advice

by Darkknight757 44 Replies latest jw experiences

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  ToesUp

  Darkknight

  I read your post yesterday and did not know how to respond until now. You and your wife must feel a sadness that others can not understand. Everyone deals with grief differently.

  I think you received some excellent advise from others. Take it slow. You and your wife are going through some tremendous emotional turmoil. Move slow with your wife, you don't want to overwhelm her right now. You have a perfect opportunity to step down from being an Elder. You will receive a ton of nosy JW's that just need to know all of your business (including other Elders). You DO NOT need to share anything with them. Tell them it is personal and leave it at that. I have never met a more intrusive/judgmental group of people in my entire life.

  As time moves on just make little remarks or statements that might get your wife to think about everything there is wrong with the JW religion.

  When I think back, I stopped at the liquor store every Thursday night, after the mid week meeting. I didn't know why I needed a drink so bad on Thursday. Now I spend Thursday evenings either taking a walk with my spouse or going shopping. I never stop a the liquor store unless I just want to enjoy a glass of wine with dinner.

  Be strong and be there for your wife. She is the most important thing. Keep us all posted on your progress.

  Keep posting on here. It does help to hear from others who won't judge you and have been through their own personal battles.Take care.
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  dozy

  Like others have said - just take it easy - don't do anything abrupt and very careful who you confide in. There's always a kindly elder or good mate around but often these guys are the worst. I was an elder (service overseer ) and confided in a long standing elder friend in a neighbouring congregation who ended up blabbing to everyone about what we discussed.I might as well have written down our discussion word for word and pinned it up on the KH notice board or told the congregation gossips and told them to spread it around.

  Marriage could be a problem - ours failed even though my wife left JWs as well - I was married as long as you and we had the best marriage in the congregation and of any of our friends but the effect of leaving the JWs ( or similar religions / groups ) is brutal on all relationships. Eventually my wife just felt we no longer had much in common and wanted to make a new start and find a new guy without any of the JW baggage etc. The odds of retaining a marriage are maybe 50% or so - even less so if she stays with the Society. If you love your wife and don't want to lose her - it's gonna be hard. Good luck....
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  Vidiot

  My wife miscarried twice before we had our kids, one of them in the 2nd trimester.

  x

  "You'll see them in the New System" always felt like a hollow and clichéd sentiment, to me, too.
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  JustMe2

  ABibleStudent suggested reading Steven Hassan's book, "Combating Cult Mind Control." A number of other posters here also recommend Hassan's books. Their posts share much of what helps reach those in cults and what makes things worse. You might check out what they have to say if you can't get the book right away.

  I'm so sorry for all you and your wife have gone through and hope you both can find peace.
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  Ding

  My deepest condolences on your loss.

  I wrote a response on your other thread as well.