by wovy 39 Replies latest jw experiences
Wovy -Wow - what a story! There is lots of good advice here. You sound like a decent guy - just lacking at times in good judgment.
Don't know if he's on the radio in your area - but I recommend listening to radio jock - Tom Leykus - especially on Thursday afternoons. It might help you understand American women of this type better.
Best of luck - and please dump this woman! She is a liar, hypocrite etc etc - but let me guess - the sex was awesome???
Makena
Are all American women liars?
Pretty much. There are exceptions to the rule. (like me ).
Thanks everybody who helped. I may be offline for the next 4 days. Maybe even beyond that. I will still try and check in.
Thanks again
Wovy
Okay...you need to RUNAWAY from this woman...and leave her father alone for godsakes!!
she is a wacko, and you should have left after she was unwilling to show the world you were together after 6 months.
And, why would you contact her parents and meet with them in secret??? I have to tell you, she really was wrong to treat you the way she did, but wow....what you did was extremely disrespectful. Tit for tat I guess.
Buddy....l wish you the best in the world, but you need to be more careful with what you put up with, and NEVER arranged to meet secretly with a woman's parents if they don't know you.....this is an example of Karma taking over...
I have very rarely seen a relationship work that started out as adultery. Never date a JW unless they are DA'd, Disfellowshiped, or have been away for several years and have established a life outside the religion.
just my two cents...I don't mean to sound cruel, but keep your dignity and you will find a dignified woman; one that will respect you.
Hi, in response to Eyebrow2, I didn’t arrange a secret meeting with her parents. I told her I was going to do it. It actually “worked-out” in the end as it did bring a lot out into the open. I was way too ignorant that further troubles lay ahead. I just assumed that was that. I was wrong. There were many reasons for me calling them that I would take an eternity to detail. It wasn’t just done off-the-cuff or to piss her off. It had the desired effect but I didn’t follow up, as I had no real clue what I was dealing with.
I know it looks like a doomed relationship for the start but I can only really go on what I am being told. I have trusted way too many people here to do the right thing. There is a cultural problem here too that I wasn’t thinking about for the past four years. Scottish people are very cut and dried in their way of thinking. If something doesn’t look right we try to find out why. If it still doesn’t look right it pisses us off. The games over here confuse me no end.
The update on what happened when we worked at the weekend is that we went about our lives like we have done for the past two years, eating, sleeping and making love. Very hard not to do in such a confined space. It reaffirmed all I thought. She is aware that the main problem lies with her tie to her family and the JWs. What she is willing to do from now on I have no clue. She knows what I want. I know what she wants. The five minutes I spent in the car park this morning were so, so sad. To watch your girlfriend hysterical at the knowledge this may be the last time we see each other EVER isn’t something I want to do again. I find it even more tragic that I can’t even be a friend with what was my best friend. For now all contact is broken. I am leaving for Florida tomorrow and then permanently in a few months I hope. I hope she will follow. I gave her the copy of Crisis Of Conscience I bought. She promises to read it. She also said she would tell a friend (maybe a disfellowshipped one) about our relationship for a different perspective and I have given her the number of a friend and co-worker who left the JWs, lives with her boyfriend and still has a relationship with her mother.
I can’t do any more now. My heart is breaking. Now I can only wait.
Thanks to all again
Wovy.
Scottish people are very cut and dried in their way of thinking. If something doesn’t look right we try to find out why. If it still doesn’t look right it pisses us off. The games over here confuse me no end.
The situation is far from cut n dried, because there are influences at play here that you will never comprehend. The only reason we can is because we've been there and know some of the processes at work. You seem destined to a life of confusion and being p*ssed off.
My heart goes out to ya, big'yin.
Wovy,
Ask yourself a simple question: Is this relationship healthy? Not, Can it be healthy? but Is it healthy? If it isn't healthy move on and handle the heartache. In the long run you will be glad you did.
I think the answer is obvious.
Richard
I am sure it is very difficult....I hope that in the coming weeks, the clouds will part and you can feel the sun on your face, and know that there is still someone out there for you that is right for you. If you can, try to focus on something else in your life that you want to improve that is independent of a romantic relationship. I found that it help me several years ago when I had a break up. Easier said than done, but if you focus on yourself, any little improvement no matter how small, it will help your self esteem, morale, etc...
Hi. Just an update for anyone interested.
I did go to Ft Myers. Nice place. Just showed me I do want to live there. Met Spice for lunch. Nice girl, great help. Hope to see more of ya when I move there. Thanks.
I was there from Wednesday until Saturday when I made the decision to dash home. Turned out to be an interesting choice.
I met a flight attendant I know quite well from work. Turns out she used to be a JW and my ex had confided quite a bit in her. Almost everything. It gave me an even clearer picture of what my ex (although I disagree with her) is going through and how hard it is to break free. Our discussion helped me a lot.
Fast forward to Monday morning and the “caller ID blocked” calls start. From the time of the first one (i.e. when the Las Vegas flight landed) I guessed it was the ex. By afternoon I knew it was as she had unblocked her ID. When I did eventually speak to her she said she was just calling to tell me she missed me. That was it. Four calls and no voice mail, just to have me answer and tell me she misses me! Jeeeeeeezzzzzz, how I long for the simple relationships over the Atlantic. We had a chat. She was very interested in where I was and if I was “still taking the cruise in a few weeks”. I told her I was. “Oh.” Was her only remark. She has been reading COC but nothing had grabbed her interest yet. She is only a few pages in though. The conversation kind of ended there. I did tell her not to call again unless she has something more meaningful to talk about. Maybe she will, maybe she won’t. I am far from over this but amazed at how far I have come in a week. If she had called ANY TIME before Monday morn I would have been a quivering wreck. In the event I handle it no’ too bad. Maybe the pills do work
Still, sad, sad, sad though. Things will work out one way or the other but what could have been is hard to forget
Wovy
wovy welcome to the board....
I am so sorry to hear about your situation with this jw woman....sheesh!
In my opinion, here is a woman that is a trained co-dependent....first with her jw parents...second, with her religion. When you realize that the JW religion is a fear-based, high-control religion, you will understand that you are quite far down the list of her priorities. She is a very confused, ungrounded and emotionally immature woman.
I think that the only way the two of you will be happy together is AFTER about 10 years of therapy...truthfully, this is what I believe, based on the information you give...I'm sooo sorry.
Since she aborted her babies, her guilt is in the untrasonic range....because she will believe that she committed murder. She believes she is worthy of death. How she feels about herself right now?...worthless in her own eyes. She also believes she is condemned to death. That is the punishment for murder, according to the JW religion. She believes God is going to destroy her like so much garbage...to be eaten by the birds....to rot on the ground, undeserving of a proper burial.
If you want to stay with her, wovy, you will want to get some help...I mean professional help...in knowing and understanding your co-dependent partner, and how she will interact with her partner.
I am touched at your loyalty to her thus far. You are very committed to her....or maybe very tied into her by your own co-dependence??? Just speculating on that point...wovy.. Like I said earlier, a co-dependent woman usually will choose a co-dependent man....I'm hoping you don't take it personally.
Talk to a professional if you really think you will want to stay with her...That is your only chance at any semblance of happiness with this woman. She sounds like a real mess, and I figure before all is said and done, you will be her equal....also a mess.
My Canadian 2 cents worth...
I wish you well.
ESTEE
