Are people happier married or single?
by JH 49 Replies latest jw friends
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Thunder Rider
Blackout,
Threw me for a loop there you did! I honestly don't know how you can have an open marriage and consider it healthy relationship. For me sex was the one and only thing I could offer up to one and only one person. It was and is a point of personal pride that I have only ever been with Sheila. Our sexual relationship is, to me what makes us husband and wife. I know that today that seems an old fashioned standard but it is a safe and secure feeling knowing that you reserve the most personal and intimate of encounters for one special person. Not everyone is emotionaly able to detach the sexual aspect of their relationship. I would say the majority can not. Some one is bound to be hurt. That kind of hurt often leads to violence. I know I would become violent.
I am glad your situation works for you. I wonder though, with society placing so much importance on looks and sex. What special bond will hold your relationship together when the looks are gone and the sexual fires diminish.
I know that Sheila and I will grow old together and enjoy knowing that our relationship on the whole was based on love cemented by the commited monogamous sexual aspect of our life together. My heart would break to think of another man seeing the look on her face as she reaches climax. I personaly could never offer to another woman, what I have promised, till death do us part, to her
I would never judge anothers choice in matters of love. To each his own. I do however tout the rewards of a commited and exclusive sexual realationship.
Thunder
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Xena
I would suppose it would depend on whom you are married to....and how much you enjoy your own company. I was happy married and I am happy single...I will expect to be happy if I marry again....
lol then again perhaps I am just one of Jehovahs "happy" people
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SixofNine
....hate to say I told you so, but... *cough* I told ya so, lol.
I've been studying the mating habits of these two for several months now. We're working on a deal that will put them in plexiglass living quarters; it will work if we can get Thunder comfortable with a sort of "shared monogamy". As you can see, it's a tough row to hoe. That last isn't dirty, btw.
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Aztec
Sixy, *shakes head and laughs, yet again * you are only supposed to be hitting on me...Rofl! Sheila and Thunder are happy and you needn't study their mating habits a second longer. I wanna know about "our" mating habits!
~Aztec curious class
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blackout
Thats cool Thunder, I fully understand that. I thought this statement of yours strange though:
I am glad your situation works for you. I wonder though, with society placing so much importance on looks and sex. What special bond will hold your relationship together when the looks are gone and the sexual fires diminish.
You see our relationship Is NOT based on sex, thats the whole point, in fact I would say that your relationship would be more based on sex than mine and i wonder, What special bond will hold your relationship together when the looks are gone and the sexual fires diminish.
Our relationship is not at all BASED on sex (although we do enjoy many special encounters) we are to a point in our relationship where it goes well and truly above and beyond sex, it is more spiritual and nurturing, than base and material. It is impossible to explain to someone who has not been there I guess.
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Thunder Rider
Blackout,
I guess the point I was trying to make is that when it gets a bit more difficult to find willing casual sex partners, because of losing the sexual magnetism of looks and lust, where will the two of you be? What security do you have that your partner will be loyal to you and remain with you as you age, when loyalty wasn't a big deal when your relationship was "anything goes" in your prime.
I suppose it boils down to my feeling that sexual intimacy is "holy" in a way. Mind you I'm no bible thumper, but I have seen the pain of betrayal on the faces of those that have dealt with infidelity whether they were single or married.
Sex is a very important part of our relationship. I am sure though that if I was in an accident and was unable to "provide" for Sheila, the strength of the other aspects of our marriage will keep us together even if she were to get really horny. In your case it seems to me that it would be easier to abandon your partner, or they you, in the same circumstance, simply because it was OK before.
Six,
I'll share my thoughts, share my feelings, and even share a six pack. Major ixna on the plexiglass and shared manogamy though. Married commited intimacy ROCKS!
Thunder
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blackout
Ok Thunder, I totally understand where you are coming from having been there myself. I would like to try to explain my position a bit more, however I dont expect you to accept it as you are in a different place to me right now.
What security do you have that your partner will be loyal to you and remain with you as you age, when loyalty wasn't a big deal when your relationship was "anything goes" in your prime.
Please don't think we have no loyalty, my loyalty to my partner is paramount, my respect for him is deep. Our trust for each other is incredible. We are soul mates. We have so much history together that could never be replaced and I know he would never leave me, he knows I would never leave him. We communicate on all levels, spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally. We complete each other.
suppose it boils down to my feeling that sexual intimacy is "holy" in a way. Mind you I'm no bible thumper, but I have seen the pain of betrayal on the faces of those that have dealt with infidelity whether they were single or married.
Infidelity is a horrible painfull thing. However it is possible to cheat on your partner on many different levels apart from sexually. We have NEVER cheated on each other sexually. My partner has at times cheated on me in other ways, this was like a testing fire to our relationship and we came though it stronger, deciding on total honesty, without jealousy and without suspicion. There is no cheating of any kind in our relationship now, only trust and honesty. We have also let go of the need to control each other.
Sex is a very important part of our relationship. I am sure though that if I was in an accident and was unable to "provide" for Sheila, the strength of the other aspects of our marriage will keep us together even if she were to get really horny. In your case it seems to me that it would be easier to abandon your partner, or they you, in the same circumstance, simply because it was OK before.
On the contrary Thunder, the fact that we have such a trusting strong relationship now, would mean in a situation where either of us were unable to 'provide' for the other, we would be happy for the other to get their 'provisions' elsewhere while still continuing our commited relationship. It would in fact be easier to stay in the relationship due to less pressure from sexual stresses.
Its all about perspective isn't it?
Dont get me wrong though, Im not trying to convert you and I honor your commitment and your value of sex.
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Thunder Rider
Blackout,
I think it is so cool that we can be diametricaly opposite on this matter and still be able to converse civily. I see other threads where opinions are different and the thread deterirates to the point of name calling and plain meanness. Perhaps others might take notice of how two people can be agree to dissagree and keep things friendly. No flame war here.
I really appreciate your viewpoints and look forward to reading more of your posts.
I don't mean to be presumptious, but I would like to call you a friend.
Your friend,
Thunder
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TresHappy
I was single for a long time before marriage. Being single hads its advantages. Marriage has its advantages. My opinion changes, especially when I am mad at HIM...