Disfellowshipping

larc

I have read many stories here about those who have been disfellowshiped. They express the pain of the experience, and the emotional trauma they experience.

I have to ask a question. What did you expect? You knew the rules. You knew what happens when you leave, at least I did, so why are you shocked? If you get even a modicum of recognition afterwards, you should be grateful. After all, when you leave, they owe you nothing, and you know it. When you were a true believer, you would have done the same thing that was done to you, so why are you surprised?

I do not understand the mindset of those who leave and are upset over how they have been treated. When I left, I fully understood the consequences.

Could someone explain this to me?

minimus

It's like dying. we all know the rules. sooner or later, we're all gonna die. But when it comes to a point when you know that you are at death's door, no advance awareness, no research, no knowing of the rules counts. I think even when the inevitable happens, you're never really ready and prepared for it.

larc

Minimus,

I thought your comment was very insightful.

I think of Mulan's recent problem with her father who is in his 90's. Yes, she has had a long time with him, but whenever you are in a situation where you can loose a loved one, either young or old, it is still painful.

gumby

You knew the rules. You knew what happens when you leave, at least I did, so why are you shocked?

Hey Larc,

In a different way.....you DON'T know what happens when you leave.......emotionaly until you experience it. It's like someone saying they were told how hard a certain mountain would be to clime.....then climing it.....and saying, " I had NO IDEA IT WOULD BE THIS HARD".

I too knew of the consequences for instance, of various friends not being able to speak to me. Then on many occasions when I was with my wife.....a dub, We would come upon these friends. They would not even smile or look at me as if I wasn't there. I would get so pissed I could scream but never did. Why? I knew what to expect didn't I? No ...I can't say I knew it would "FEEL" like that.

The hurt that comes is NEVER realised, ...untill experienced

Hope this helps a little.

Gumby

larc

Gumby,

I know you are right, as I think about it. I have been through own pain.

I do think it is a good thing to talk about.

teejay

Gumby said what I was thinking. Having a mental understanding of the process -- even participating in the shunning aspect of it -- is not the same as going thru it yourself as someone who's df'd.

datsdethspicable

I was not shocked. I expected it. On my first elders meeting I told them to cut to the chase that I know I am going to be disfellowshipped and lets get it over with. They said "You don't know that! You have to wait and see what We decide." That's what pissed me off. They held it over my head and delayed the obvious.

I am not sad about being disfellowshipped. They did me a big favor. My life is good now.

AlanF

Larc:

I think you're oversimplifying greatly. Some knew "the rules" very well and freely accepted them when they became JWs, some were snookered and were never told, or never understood the full extent of "the rules", and others became JWs as children and almost certainly were pressured into it by social considerations. Therefore you're painting with too broad a brush.

You also appear to have a very wrong notion of "the rules". There are no "rules" that say, explicitly or implicitly, that if you leave the JWs you will be disfellowshipped, forcibly disassociated or otherwise shunned. "The rules" say that if you're a baptized JW and you "sin" in a way that the JW organization defines and do not repent of this "sin", then you will be DF'd, DA'd or otherwise shunned. That's all that the offiical "rules" say.

Now, we all know that there are unwritten rules in the JW organization, but these are not taught to prospective converts. After someone has been immersed in JW culture for some time, either as a baptized person or as a child who simply grew up in the JW culture, he gradually becomes aware of these unwritten rules. But "rules" is a bad term for what is really a cultural attitude, and the only reason I write "unwritten rules" is to be consistent with your usage.

Given this, consider several possibilities involved, not in "sinning", but in just leaving:

1) A mature adult converts to the JWs and is baptized. He manages somehow to absorb the culture sufficiently to know that if he leaves, he will probably be informatlly shunned. I have no problem with this since the person made a fully informed to join.

2) A mature adult converts to the JWs and is baptized. She is never told about the possibility of informal shunning, and never manages to absorb it from the culture. She never thinks that if she leaves, she's liable to be shunned. Because there was never fully informed consent and the Watchtower organization is guilty of 'false advertising', I have a real problem with this.

3) A person is raised as a JW, gets baptized in his early teens due to standard family and cultural pressures, learns enough after he becomes an adult to quit the religion, and quits. Shunning this person is a gross violation of social norms, and I have a very big problem with this.

4) A person is raised as a JW, gets baptized in his early teens, learns enough before reaching adulthood to quit, and quits. Shunning this child should be made a criminal offense, in my opinion.

I could think up any number of other scenarios in which a person becomes a JW without full knowledge of what he or she is getting into. Punishing that person by shunning is a violation of normal human standards of conduct. That's why I, and plenty of others, object so strongly to this cultish practice.

AlanF

WildHorses

2) A mature adult converts to the JWs and is baptized. She is never told about the possibility of informal shunning, and never manages to absorb it from the culture. She never thinks that if she leaves, she's liable to be shunned. Because there was never fully informed consent and the Watchtower organization is guilty of 'false advertising', I have a real problem with this.

Amen to that. I felt so bad that I was ashamed to show my face anymore. God, all I did was have a little sex and it wasn't even that good. I told on myself too. I thought if you were sorry you wouldn't get df'd boy was I wrong.

Ok, I added a bit of humor to it but that is what happened.

gumby

I could think up any number of other scenarios in which a person becomes a JW without full knowledge of what he or she is getting into. Punishing that person by shunning is a violation of normal human standards of conduct. That's why I, and plenty of others, object so strongly to this cultish practice.

Gee, you'd think after going over some questions with a man on a few visits, after you've been studying the bible for a whole 6 months......a person would know ALL the Organisation teaches and they wouldn't make these awfull mistakes and be shunned for the rest of their lives by family and friends. Damn them anyway!

Alan, your above post said it well. Imagine for example a 10 year old kid....or a 15 year old kid? My sister was disfellowshipped at 13 for smoking. Screwed her up bad.

Gumby

Disfellowshipping

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