Disfellowshipping

by larc 42 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  onacruse

  Alan, thank you for summarizing my own experience so well. As one of the millions of JW children raised in "the truth," (edit to add: after 1975) I very much felt trapped by that religion. If I'd had full and free opportunity to walk away without losing my family and lifelong (read, only) friends, I'd have gladly and permanently jumped 20 years ago. As it was, I could only muster the courage to take a brief leap out of the fire, and, with reservations and regrets galore, went back for another 2 decades of beatings and disappointment.

  And for that unethical alienation of affections, and the opportunistic self-serving inhumanity of this WTS policy...well, gumby says exactly how I feel:

  Damn them anyway!

  Craig
• 

  StinkyPantz

  Larc-

  What did you expect?

  I didn't expect to get df'd. Here is the reason that the elders gave for disfellowshipping me: By dating a worldly guy (not sex), I might stumble others. That's all! I thought that in order to get df'd you at least had to admit to fondling or sex. I never admitted anything to them. I merely stated that I was dating someone who was worldly and had intentions of marrying him.
• 

  BLISSISIGNORANCE

  IT'S A great SHOCK WHEN YOU ARE TOLD YOU CAN ONLY GET DF'ED IF YOU'RE UNREPENTANT, NOT FOR THE SIN................................and it's an EVEN GREATER SHOCK WHEN YOU BECOME AWARE OF CORRUPTION IN JC CASES you see...........I was on the receiving end of false witnesses and a cover up. I was df'ed to be silenced.................................................when I came in to the borg no-one ever prepared me for THAT! if i'ld known that sort of thing went on, i doubt i'ld have come in. most people come into the borg TRUSTING. i was one of them. no one deserves that sort of abuse.
• 

  breal

  Yep knew the rules – still hurts. I feel that deciding to shun someone simply for making a life choice about a religion or way of life (that really is not hurting anyone else) is extreme. I have seen JW’s completely shun a DF’d or DA’d family member/friend, and yet they turn around and make exceptions for another DF’d or DA’d family member/friend. I have also seen JW’s who make exceptions to shunning when it is convenient for them or when they need or want something – only to turn around later and shun again acting all self righteous. As far as the whole concept of leading them astray by association I find that silly. I do not want to get anyone to stop being a JW if that is what they need/want in life. I simply want them to accept my choices, and perhaps touch base and maybe have a meal once in a while. I do not understand how they can zero in on the scriptures that “seem” to support this arrangements but ignore all the ones about love, family, and not judging others.
• 

  RAYZORBLADE

  Yeah...when I was studying to become a JW, I didn't know anything about what Disfellowshipping was/meant entailed.
  

  They don't dangle that on day 1 of the bible study, do they?

  'Shall we begin with our first bible study Ray? Good. I am telling you in advance, if you do not follow the rules and our doctrines, you may be disfellowshipped. OK, shall we begin here....what are the answers you found in the Truth book Ray?'

  I didn't read/hear about it on bible study number 2, 5, 10, 30 and so on, either.

  Did I know about consequences back then? No.

  Everything that you learned that you had hoped would change you, eventually has no effect. You are trapped. Imperfect human that you are, you falter and sin.

  You're disfellowshipped!

  Surprised? No.

  Thrilled? of course not. Once a person has given themselves over to the lifestyle of Jehovah's Witnesses; having ones psycho-social circle abolished and civil discourse removed with cult members, hurts and causes irreparable damage.

  I didn't know about this Disfellowshipping thing until I was way in deep within the religion. By then, it was like Damocles' sword constantly hanging above my head.
• 

  obiwan

  AlanF, you summed it up in a nut shell. Larc if I would have had any idea at 15 how that act would affect my life at 34, there is no way in hell I would have done it. Not only do you have the peer pressure of being baptized, you also have your parents and every other person pushing and prodding you to do it. So as a very young adult what do you do, you do what you have been told is the "right thing" to do, dedicate your life to Jehovah, not knowing your own feelings or ambitions that you will have in life. What did I expect? I expected to have a normal life just like any other person I saw on a daily basis.Knowing the consequences and knowing what it will do to your life as and adult are two totally different things. To put it more simply, Jesus wasn't baptized till he was 30, he knew what that dedication ment, he was also perfect....how can anyone expect the same from a teenager?
• 

  xjw_b12

  Surprised, shocked.......hell no. Been practicing the same shunning myself, before I left.

  Anger then sadness though.

  I left because I discovered the WTBTS was nothing but a publishing company, and a deceitful one at that.

  I am angry, that others whom I used to call friends, refuse to take their heads out of the sand, even though most of them at one point or another have expressed concerns over the WT's teachings and proceedures.

  Therefore I am sad for them.

  I am also sad for my in-laws, who are missing out on a relationship with their only daughter, and their grandchildren.

  It's just so sad. But we did expect it, and we accept it. But if those shunning us, believe that their action is going to shame us back to an organization, that is rotten to the core, they are wrong.

  xjw_b12 " Millions Now Living Will Never Die Know "
• 

  Pepper

  >> I have read many stories here about those who have been disfellowshiped. They express the pain of the experience, and the emotional trauma they experience.
  
  I have to ask a question. What did you expect? You knew the rules. You knew what happens when you leave, at least I did, so why are you shocked? If you get even a modicum of recognition afterwards, you should be grateful. After all, when you leave, they owe you nothing, and you know it. When you were a true believer, you would have done the same thing that was done to you, so why are you surprised?
  
  I do not understand the mindset of those who leave and are upset over how they have been treated. When I left, I fully understood the consequences.
  
  Could someone explain this to me? <<

  Yes I would be happy to, I was disfellowshiped once it was not untill then that I seen just how mean and nasty it is hardly loving in the lest. Oh yes I knew what the rules of being a sinner is and the rules as seen through the eyes of the GB and the so called scriptures.

  I had to ask my self if Jesus is so kind and Jehovah is so full of undeserved kindness how can they condone such things as disfellowshiping, if they do they must be quite confused as to the principle of love and forgiveness as they teach teach. To leave is much diferent than beinng judged by men that you must now be ignored because your too much of a sinner, and have your family friends treat you as if you are not alive. If Monkeys do that to one Monkey that Monkey dies, are we not supposed to be more than Monkeys? They may say its scriptural and Gods will, but it does not ring reall with good sense concerning all that love is and forgiveness; Let God judge, men can not do it very well.

  Pepper
• 

  Lady Lee

  I have to ask a question. What did you expect? You knew the rules. You knew what happens when you leave, at least I did, so why are you shocked? If you get even a modicum of recognition afterwards, you should be grateful. After all, when you leave, they owe you nothing, and you know it. When you were a true believer, you would have done the same thing that was done to you, so why are you surprised?
  
  I do not understand the mindset of those who leave and are upset over how they have been treated. When I left, I fully understood the consequences.
  
  Could someone explain this to me?

  I think I expected fairness. Some kindness. Some consideration. Perhaps some "Christian love" I admitted to a one-time sexual encounter that turned into a rape that I confessed to by going to them myself. My elder husband admitted to 15 years of abuse. I was DFed and he didn't even get a slap on the wrist - not even a note in his file. I knew getting DFed was apossiblity and I was prepared for that action What I wasn't prepared for was the cruelty. by the elders - and by my mother who I stuck up for and stood by when she did the same thing - more than once When I went back to ask about being reinstated I wasn't prepared for a man who I had thought of as a father figure to be cruel and nasty to me. And for him to lie about what my ex had said in the JC None of this helped when I was already in a fragile suicidal state. It almost sent me over the edge
• 

  yxl1

  How about when you've done nothing wrong, but get kicked out on hearsay? I was diss'ed when an Elders daughter said she "might have seen" me smoking. They didn’t even have ONE witness, let alone two eyewitnesses!

  When I questioned it, I was told that I was being diss'ed because of my "unrepentant attitude" I was told it was my right to ask for separate hearing, but if I did, it would be much harder for me to return.

  Funny how when a different Elders daughter was SEEN smoking by her own father, mother, and other family members (All JW's) he put it down to a silly phase she was going through. Nothing more was done about it.

  I could reel off hundreds of examples where people have been diss'ed for nothing more than asking intelligent questions. They don’t tell you THAT when you're going through your baptism questions