I don't normally feel inclined to post on this board, but for this pointed question, I will respond. I hope my response shows that my association has nothing to do with cowardness or not being true to myself. For those on the inside, I hope it provides comfort by showing they're not alone.
Not only am I a Witness, but I'm an active Witness with much responsibility. Despite my standing, I have doubts concerning a good portion of Witness ideologies. Self-appointed power from the so-called faithful slave ranks top on my list. It is the denial of independent thinking, the 'do exactly as I say' type attitude that I despise. To me it is ironic that we are persuaded to squelch the same independent thinking that got us out of our former religion and into the "true religion" in the first place. We're told to "make the truth our own" by studying the Bible and Biblical reasoning provided in the publications. Yet when we see conflict between the Bible and certain Biblical reasoning, we're told to "wait on Jehovah" (i.e. keep your mouth shut and your ideas to yourself else you're going to Hell!) I have hate. I have anger and frustration, too. So why don't I leave?
Is it because I'm selfish and don't want to lose respect or be persecuted by those still inside, including family members? Not quite. I experienced persecution from family members when I left the Catholic religion to become a Jehovah's Witness. In fact, relationships with my parents, brothers, and sisters are still scared to this day from my decision. I'm more than willing to accept judgment from others for the sake of my own convictions or lack of convictions.
However, as you know, there is a big difference between one's exodus from Catholicism vs. exodus from being a Jehovah's Witness. The primary difference is that in leaving Catholicism, the only one who took the brunt of pain was myself. My family and friends could still go about living their lives, relatively transparent to my decision. They could still talk to me; I could still talk to them. Holidays are painful, but that was the extent. On the other hand, when one leaves the Witnesses, not only is their life affected, but their entire family's is. I'm married now. Leaving the Witnesses without her would destroy our relationship. Even leaving the Witnesses with her would destroy our relationships with her family and all of our friends. That's the difference. Leaving a religion like Catholicism hurts relationships. Leaving the Witnessses destroys relationships.
So, one of the main reasons I remain a Witness is not to protect myself, but to protect my family. I'm not about to destroy relationships because of some self-serving need to relieve anger, frustration, etc. Am I being deceptive, not true to myself or family? Well, let me say this. I refuse to teach or promote anything I don't believe in. That includes talks I give from the platform and what I say in the ministry. I express my doubts to others when appropriate. The only outward support I give to things in which I don't believe is through my continued association, and only to that extent.
If I had no Witness family members, would I leave? I'll just say it would be very easy for me to walk away. So is family the only reason I remain associated? It is the meat of the reason, but not the only.
Let me ask you this. Would you rather see the Watchtower Organization crumble to ground and cease to exist, or would you rather see it change into something better? While I'm sure many of you would like to see it collapse, you and I know that this is probably not likely to happen anytime soon. Seeing it change is much more realistic. Into what remains to be seen. But mark my word, 20 years from now the Jehovah's Witness religion is going to be dramatically different. What the differences are depends on who takes the lead within. It is my hope that more people who are open-minded, such as myself, are in those positions to make change.
Now, I have no lofty aspirations to cause major reform within the Organization. It is not a one-man job (although one man can make a big difference). Reform will only occur if many open-minded people remain associated -- people who have the open-mind to recognize error and are in the position to make a difference. When these ones leave the organization because of doubt, change is not possible. Imagine how much different the Organization would be if Ray Franz was still on the Governing Body, or if Randy Watters and hundreds of others like him were still elders. You may take this as an insult or compliment (I hope you take it as a compliment), but the fact is our Brotherhood as a whole would be much better right now if many of you were still active Witnesses. Now don't get me wrong, I find no fault with anyone who decides they must no longer associate (indeed, I said that I myself would probably leave if I had no Witness family members). But it's my opinion that the only real change that can occur in the Organization must come from within the Organization. I wish to be apart of that someway or somehow. For example, if I change just one person's mind regarding our absurd/inconsistent stand against blood, a change that I probably could not make from the outside, then it has been well worth me staying associated.
So do I stay to cause reform? I stay to be apart of reform. In the mean time, I do what I can, and help who I can while still having responsibility in the Organization.
-Risot
p.s. Because of the feelings I have towards the Jehovah's Witness religion, I cannot rightfully say I'm 'true to myself' by trying to recruit new ones through the ministry. So how do stay active? Well, let me just say when I go door-to-door, I warn people, but it's not a warning of the coming end of this system of things :) Hey, who says you can't count hours for anti-Witnessing?