How far does the shunning go for you, by your JW parents or children?

by LyinEyes 46 Replies latest jw friends

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    My dad does NOT love me at all,,,,, sorry to be so blunt be he just can't by his actions. This goes way beyond just my d/a , he still blames me for him not being able to be an elder anymore.

    Long, long story, but my mother committed suicide, after years of prescription drug abuse, years of living with him, which was also mental abuse. He left her for a sister in our congregation who was only 8 years older than me, and did so while my mom was in rehab.

    He had it all planned out , he would divorce the first wife, get d/f , let some time go by and get reinstated, which he did.
    But there was always questions surrounding my mother's suicide and even speculation on the minds of the whole circuit , if he had something to do with it. It is too long to explain it all but , but many of the CO's that came by would question me over and over about it, and they said that he would never in this circuit be , beyond reproach. My dad knew the CO's spoke to me about this and he blames me for their decision to never let him be an elder again in our circuit. To this day there is still talk about , what happened 18 years ago.

    So for years my dad gave me token attention because I begged for it , even when I was a faithful elders wife, raising my kids in the truth etc. He kept me at arms length for so many years , and I think it was a relief to him that I d/a myself. He now had a good excuse to never speak to me again. I have done nothing but forgive him over the years for how he has treated me , I never have been disrespectful and always was the one that went out of my way to see him. He only called when an assembly was coming up because he knew he would see me there and wanted it too look like things were just peachy.

    I got tired of that towards the end of my JW days.

    I can honestly say that if my dad loved my kids, and had a relationship with them before I d/a myself and now that I am d/a , I would never hold him back from loving them or being in their lives at all.

    The man has no love, plain and simple.

  • run dont walk
    run dont walk

    To sum it up Lyineyes, and I know it doesn't help much, but some people are just a--holes when it comes to life.

    And, to quote a classic saying,

    You can't pick your neighbors and YOU CAN'T PICK YOUR PARENTS !!!!!!

    How true.

  • Jayson
    Jayson

    Sorry LyinEyes,

    I'm sure you know that you are not alone. My experince with my JW inlaws is that they are nerotic over those that they can't control. And, they have no control of self at all. Given the choice of the shunning or having them back in my life trying to posion my marriage and turn my children against their mother (Their fear is that I/we will teach the children that it [shunning] is something is wrongDO YA THINK?) I chose to let them be. I would rather include my life with people that love me despite my huge faults than those who want to mold me into an image that pleases their "golden calf."

    xx&oo's

    Jayson

  • Phil
    Phil

    My daughter was coerced into joining the org.by her then boyfriend. She immediately refused to participate in all the events we enjoyed as a family with no consideration of the affects on the relationship with her parents. I have told her that whenever she needs help she can always come back to her biological family. We will always be there for her as long as we live. At the moment, we do not have very much to say to each other. Greetings are cold to say the least. The only time she visits is when there are JW activities in the vicinity, she will stop over for a while. As we told her, she has a new family now that we are basically out of the picture we are truly sorry to see her go. The situatiion was created by her. If there is to be any change to the situation it must be initiated by her. We will welcome her back into the family as long as we are around. This is a lot better than what her new family are willing to offer.

    Through this and other websites I have learned a lot about the Watchtower and the associated organizations. To me it is beyond comprehension how an intelligent, as I saw her, person can follow this or any cult to the degree that she has.

  • Phil
    Phil

    My daughter was coerced into joining the org.by her then boyfriend. She immediately refused to participate in all the events we enjoyed as a family with no consideration of the affects on the relationship with her parents. I have told her that whenever she needs help she can always come back to her biological family. We will always be there for her as long as we live. At the moment, we do not have very much to say to each other. Greetings are cold to say the least. The only time she visits is when there are JW activities in the vicinity, she will stop over for a while. As we told her, she has a new family now that we are basically out of the picture we are truly sorry to see her go. The situatiion was created by her. If there is to be any change to the situation it must be initiated by her. We will welcome her back into the family as long as we are around. This is a lot better than what her new family are willing to offer.

    Through this and other websites I have learned a lot about the Watchtower and the associated organizations. To me it is beyond comprehension how an intelligent, as I saw her, person can follow this or any cult to the degree that she has.

  • Gordy
    Gordy

    In April 1996 I suffered VERY bad depression, attempted suicide.

    Was reproved and removed as a Ministerial Servant.

    December 1996 wife tells me I must leave home, Elders consider me "spiritual danger" to family.

    Move to other congregation in next town. Begin to doubt "Jehovahs loving organisation" as I got about as much love and help as Osama Bin Laden would from the Americans.

    August 1999 stopped going to meetings, wife stops having any contact with me, two JW daughters still did.

    September 2001 decided to disassociate from JW's. Two JW daughters stopped from having contact.

    Have not spoken to, or seen Wife since 1999 or two daughters since end of 2001.

    Two sons and another daughter disassociated and came to live with me.

  • BluesBrother
    BluesBrother

    It really saddens me to read the heart rending stories of you all on this thread .

    You all deserve the love of your families .The whole ethos of Christianity means that we should love our family above all . It is only a twisted and warped view of one scripture (2 John 9 -11) that makes this policy possible .

    Some of them probably hurt too. They are told that it is only by upholding the policy that you may be "Disciplined and return to the fold,thus getting life "

    Others, I suspect , use it as an excuse for their own coldness.. We cannot judge hearts.

    I know of one "Sister" in my home town whose d/f'd daughter keeps a relationship with her , and when she(Sister) was recently ill, was a great help. Daughter was also able to work along with friends in the cong who took a sensible view to deal with the illness situation.. But I know it is not always like that .

    Love to you all , thats why we have a board like this .

  • run dont walk
    run dont walk

    I have a question for Phil's post,

    If his daughter was seeing a JW, and she was not a JW, why was he seeing her, was he not instructed that JW's should only date JW's,

    Why would he try to bring her in, when he himself is breaking the "suggested" rules.

    Did this ever come up Phil ?????

  • Joyzabel
    Joyzabel

    (((Dede))) I'm always so sorry that your father is NOT being a father to you because of a mind control group. Or should I say, he enjoys belonging to a mind control group because he can be what is really in his heart!

    This year is hubby's parent's 60th anniversary. F-I-L has always promised his wife he would take her to Italy to see where he served during WW2. Well, they are getting up in years and can't travel alone anymore. Our daughter, who works for an airline, has 2 tickets that she wanted to give her grandparents as a anniversary gift so they could go to Italy. Hubby and I volunteered to go with them and help them around. Well, their daughters and granddaughter decided that they could not go on this "dream" vacation because hubby & I are Df'd. The elders in their congration told them the same thing. So they called this week to inform us that the "dream" vacation is called off because they don't want to be df'd for going on vacation with us. Our daughter is very hurt because they are turning down her generous gift and allowing the consciences of others to dictate to them who they can "associate" with.

    <shaking head> There are so many sad expamples of how "loving" the WTBTS teaches their members to be. People who have never been indoctrinated with this mindset can't begin to comprehend such bizarre and unloving behavior towards family members.

    Living life well and loving our family members unconditionaly is the best thing I can think of doing.

    j2bf

  • Shakita
    Shakita
    Living life well and loving our family members unconditionaly is the best thing I can think of doing.

    so true, Joy, so true.

    Mrs. Shakita

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