How far does the shunning go for you, by your JW parents or children?

by LyinEyes 46 Replies latest jw friends

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  LDH

  Puddy tat,

  Now *that* is disgusting--and yet we all know it's true. Welcome to the board.

  I have no contact with anyone in my family and am the happier for it. I spent years being the loving and supportive niece, never asking for anything, to be dropped like a hot potato as soon as my aunts even *thought* I was apostate--to say nothing of my parents.

  To me, the biggest joke of all (and maybe what pushed them to the point of cutting off contact) was one day during a phone call I just got sick of hearing, "When are you going to come back to the truth?" for the 1000th time. I snapped and said, "Does it not occur to you that you are almost 80 years old and for the last 30 years I have been hearing nothing but how I would never see you get old or die? Do you deny you're elderly? What happened to all the promises you've been made?" and so on....they just hung up on me.

  I am not the type to beg ANYONE to talk to me. As a result, I've had no contact with ANYONE in my family except my dad who updates me on my brother's situation.

  The day my cousin Cynthia said we shouldn't talk anymore also happened to be the day I told her about the WT involvement with the UN. She didn't believe it. We three way called Brooklyn Bethel, where the dude in the service department said not only WASN'T it true, but even if it were true, then it was in line with "Jehovah's Divine Plan." Which I laughed and said based on the WBTS failed track record of prophecies, even JEHOVAH didn't know what the hell Jehovah believed. LOL.

  Anyhow, point being, I had spen every day for a year and a half while she went through a health crisis talking to her on the phone and comforting her and cheering her up--sometimes for HOURS a day. And my "worldly" husband never said a word about phone bills in the five-six hundred dollars a month range. And the day she told me we "probably shouldn't talk" -- well, I haven't called her since. I cut her off, like a hot knife through butter.

  What I have found since having REAL friends is that the JWs lied--there are plenty of good people who will support you and know what loyalty means. That is far more important to me that some genetic trait I share with other humans.

  I also find it wildly ironic that the JWs are the ones who so vividly fulfill scripture which talks about "having no natural affection."

  Lisa

  DEAD as a doornail Class

  (PS--hi everybody!!!!!)
• 

  obiwan

  I've talked to my father once since I was df'd in 1990, and that was to let him know I was still alive. My mother died a couple of years before I was df'd.
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  Phil

  Rundon'twalk

  She was dating him originally while he was being indoctrinated into the org. Unbeknown to us he was also pushing her into joining also. She had a lot of problems at the time but she did not share these problems with us. She would come hole at night upaet and go directly to her room. We assumed it was just a spat that young people have with their boyfriends. There was obviously some degree of resistance on her part. I couldn't and still can't see that an intelligent person like her would succomb to such an idiotic belief. Boy was I wrong.
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  ESTEE

  (((((Puddytat)))))

  I sent a heartfelt letter to my father. In a moment of weakness and fear, I asked him to comfort me. To be there with me. Two weeks later I went into the operating room having had no response from him. When I recovered.... I found a post-card laying in the ditch by my mail-box. It was worn and had been rained on. It had only one sentence. "My son is dead"

  Uuugh!!...I'm so sorry to hear this. It tore at my heart to read this. Conditional love hurts very deep....I know....my kids shun me, too.

  ESTEE
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  ESTEE

  ((Puddytat))

  And....welcome to the board!!

  ESTEE
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  RAYZORBLADE

  Every post, when relating their shunning experiences from family and friends, I shake my head.

  This is indeed 'loving' isn't it? Baloney!

  (((LyinEyes))) - I still recall that thread with that lovely picture of Mom.

  (((Badolpuddytat))) - hope a hug from a guy is OK, but honestly, as I read your posts, I was like: Goddamn! - especially that postcard left outside of your mailbox. If that wasn't a 'kick in the teeth' I don't know what was.

  (((LadyLee))) - you still possess compassion and warmth, despite it all. WOW! You are indeed a strong individual. A real gem.

  (((LisaLasVegas420))) - so good to see your post.

  (((LDH, ESTEE, Billygoat and everyone else))) group hug.

  The wonderful thing, we have each other here for the most part, and we can share our experiences without those strange and unusual looks from non-JWs.

  My family members were never JWs. My father, he stopped talking to me in 1984. He died in 2001. He was not a good father. He was a tryrant, and caused our family much grief. He did marry again, and his second wife became the equivalent of the 'Wicked Witch of the West'.

  When my father died, November 5, 2001. I didn't shed one tear. I was more or less...'oh, he's dead'. He had been so long apart of my life, it was like hearing about someone I may have met at one time in my life who had passed away.

  Nonetheless, all your stories need to be shared and told. I can relate to some degree to what some of you have said regarding your parents. JW or not, some things still remain plus or minus religion in the family equation.

  Thanks for sharing. You won't get shunned here.
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  Mulan

  I've told this before but this thread is on the same subject, so I'll say it again.

  My brother has been disfellowshipped since 1978. My mother has NEVER cut him off and said she will never turn her back on her son. She talks to him on the phone, and visits with him when he comes over here, but she won't eat with him when he stays for dinner, unless it is Buffet Style. It must be something about sitting at the same table that does it for her.

  After all these years, I wonder why they don't just drop it. I asked her once if she had any hope he would become a JW again, and of course she knows it will never happen. So I asked her "what is the point of his being disfellowshipped? Is he a threat to anyone?" She also knows that isn't the case. But, she doesn't agree with disfellowshipping anyway................just supports it when it suits her. (like if someone is watching)