Adventures at the District Convention (page 2)

Latte

Thanks for sharing!

Particularly liked this bit.......lol

and got so excited about it that I swear he climaxed at least three times during his talk.

I bet he was on his own there! lol

TresHappy

Reminds me of our JW romance novel thread:

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/48468/684953/post.ashx#684953

What absolute fun. Satire at its best. I'm still chuckling.

outoftheorg

Hey Runningman. ROFLMAO

Your stage name wouldn't be Jerry Sienfeild would it??

If not, you might want to look into some of these standup comedy clubs.

Describing the jw convention with satire is much more effective than any serious attempt to deliver the message and much more interesting.

What bothers me, is that one time I tried very hard, to seriously grasp what they said and even worse to try to get others to do the same.

I should have just used satire. The elders are too numb to understand anyway.

Outoftheorg

Descender

The universe is big. Evolutionists are some crazy bastards. God’s name is Jehovah. Sell Watchtowers or die.

I love it, priceless.

That was perhaps the greatest bit of stinging satire I've read about the WTS and the DC ever. I even went back and read last years. It's probably great that you have the humour and wit that allows you to sit there and subject yourself to all that dribble though. The one day I went was excrutiating.

riz

Oh. My. God.

Runningman, that is one of the funniest posts I've ever read. Thanks for making me laugh really hard!! You captured it perfectly.

ignored_one

ROFLMAO

Thanks for that RunningMan.

Ignored One.

SixofNine

That was awesome Runningman; it makes it worth you having to go, from where I'm sitting .

Coupla minor tech points: Couldn't the John class also refer to men who frequent whores? Also, technically, has Satan really been masturbating, or rather causing young (and not so young) Jehovahs Witnesses to masturbate?

RunningMan

OK. After being back for a day now, my brain is once again starting to function. I have remembered a couple of other points from the assembly:

From the “Is the head dead yet?” department… One of the experiences was given by an elder who is dying of cancer. I certainly hope that someday, as my life is winding down, I will be able to think of something better to do with my time that go to a district convention.

An eleven (yes, that’s eleven) year old girl gave her experience about how she is fulfilling her dedication. She was baptized two (yes, two) years ago.

Then there was the little boy who talked about getting picked on in school. Kids would hit him, kick him, call him names, etc. So, he decided that the best way to combat this would be to take his Bible to school and witness to the bullies. At this point I looked over at my own kids. Their jaws had dropped open. The poor kid was basically taping a “kick me” sign on to his back.

By the way, he also said that the kids at school had persecuted him by excluding him from their activities. Considering that he wouldn’t be able to participate in anything anyway, this doesn’t seem like very severe persecution. And, if this is persecution, doesn’t that mean that the society is also persecuting him?

Another announcement concerned the information department. For anyone who was unfamiliar with the arena, the information department would be pleased to provide them with a map, clearly marking the location of all contribution boxes.

DanTheMan

Dude, that was hilarious! Thanks for the laughs.

I noticed that a new brochure of maps was about to be released.

Are there questions at the bottom of the page?

1. a. What city is 35 miles South-southwest of Jerusalem? b. What is the name of the mountain range that is nearby?

Adventures at the District Convention