Brother Ripe-for-the-pickin
Could neither read or write, with only a six grade education, but now leads the flock as an elder.
Lisa
Stereotypical ELDERS
by tazmaniac 34 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
minimus
Brother Soon To Be Out......He's the one that always seems to side with Joe Publisher. He is more liberal than all the others. In private conversations, he seems to make statements that do not fully support the Society. He is a questioner. He is the least judgmental elder on the body and the one the other elders never quite understand....He is the brother soon to be out of the organization.
-
czarofmischief
Brother Redneck,
Drives pickup out in field service, cranks Skynyrd and Black Sabbath (It's not metal, its heavy blues-based rock!) and has a penchant for taking "off-road breaks" the way other publishers take coffee breaks. Has been known to skip meetings to drink Bud and work on his motorcycle, and also lets his beard grow when on vacation. Will only make ministerial servant based on his sheer cheerfulness, but never elder because he rationalizes things like being drunk and playing guitar. Has a great human touch and is only a dub because he doesn't take it too seriously.
Ahhh, I miss those guys... being a witness was almost bearable when I hung out with my Brothers Redneck...
CZAR
-
Mary
Brother Pedophile: Middle-aged goofy looking brother with a wife he doesn't like, kids that don't seem to like him very much, yet he is more spiritual than Ned Flanders. He never misses a meetings, spending most of his time talking with young ones and offering to help them with any problems they have in the Second School. He's self-righteous, with a nothing secular job, visits Bethel on a regular basis, is behind on all his bills yet lives way beyond his means because he wants to keep up with the Jones. His closing prayers during the CO visit are so bloody righteous that he may as well stick his head right up the CO's ass. He's a smooth talker to the 3rd degree and never does this come in more handy, than when he's sitting in court.
-
razorMind
Brother Bumble-N-Fumble:
This elder could probably be classified as a "Brother Ripe-For-The-Pickin'"...usually the least mentally adept. Usually treated like s--t by the entire body of elders. Basically the underdog/scapegoat of the elder's group. He always says the wrong thing at the wrong time, always screws things up (i.e. getting arrival/departure times wrong), always gives a wrong comment at the meetings, always the most tactless of the group. He usually can't be trusted with complex plans, instructions, etc. The other elders, especially those of lower status, treat him with condescending contempt. Brother Bumble-N-Fumble is usually so vapid/grateful to be an elder that he doesn't even notice. Or care, possibly.
Some of these previous posts will keep me snickering for DAYS...weeks, centuries even!!
"Bestriding through the congregation like a colossus".....ROFLM-FCKNG-AO!!!!!
-
greven
Brother Pseudo-intellectual: Likes to hang out with brother Intellectual and tries to imitate him. Though lacking true intelligence he has to resort to repeating difficult words uttered by Bro intellectual, inserting those words almost at random in his talks making it absolutely obvious he hasn't got a clue what he is talking about. Does the same thing with fancy WT words like 'Permafrost'. His intellectual capacity is easily replaceable by a cheeseburger. Not taken serious by anybody with above room temperature IQ. Great source of amusement, though not knowing why himself.
Brother Amnesia: at first impression this brother seems really interested in your career, health and schooling progress, however you quickly notice in the cours of several days that his memory doesn't extends past last Tuesday. Quickly becomes ignored by most of the cong.
Greven
-
SealingSalamander
First of all, let me say that I've been lurking this bulletin board for awhile, and I think that most of the posters here are intelligent, and have a GREAT sense of humor. There are so many stories that sound "just about right"... okay, enough shameless flattery!
Let me submit Brother Patriarch, the father of the most prominent family in the congregation with a gazillion grown children who also fill in almost all the available slots in the congregation. (Except the token 1-2 filled by the 'minority' bros.) He word is law, he's a lech, and he LOVES to get sisters (from prepubescent on up) alone in the car out in FS in rural territory and explain in GREAT DETAIL about the deers rutting in mating season while taking out his false teeth and licking them. He also asks longtime Dub members who are moving away if he can have their antique cast-iron cookware.
-
SixofNine
lol, welcome SealingSalamander, and thanks for that creepy first post. I take it you know this guy?
-
SealingSalamander
Six of Nine... well, not to name any names (hee hee)...
As a matter of fact yes. When I was 10 we moved to a congregation out in the stix and we found said situation. Of course we were welcomed with open arms, what with dad being a near apostate, high family dysfunction, suffering victim Sister for a mom, and the kiss of death two of us kids who had the misfortune of being *yikes* GIRLS in a closed and claustrophobic congregation.
ANYWAY, we were befriended by the OTHER pariahs of the KH, who were with us in the car when the FS situation happened. It was fully as DISGUSTING as you can imagine! He was (is?) short, squat, balding with a huge belly.All of his clothes were doubleknit from the 70's (the fashion d'jour there) and he had a penchant for wide ties and thick plastic glasses. So alluring.
-
happyout
Welcome to the board SealingSalamander,
I feel for your 10 year old self! I was fortunate never to be in a position like that, but let me submit for your consideration:
Brotherlooksinnocent: he somehow manages to brush up against a lot of sister's breast or butt, and then looks innocent if she says anything.
Happyout