So it's not enough that I'm dealing with Post traumatic stress/Anxiety and panic attacks all related to my life as a JW (50 years baptized -- I stopped going a couple of months ago) at 3 a.m. I get an email from the other side of the world. 'You HAVE to go to the convention. Bro Sanderson says we must watch the news, things are happening. Some people are saying this is out last convention before a global attack on witnesses.'
Now as someone who is battling with leaving this 'organization' emails like that - in the middle of the night - freak me out.
I don't sleep and when I do, I have terrible nightmares. I've been brought up to have a hope for the future and a belief that my only way of survival is to be an active JW. But my life as a JW was a very unhappy one (with abuse both mental and sexual) and in some ways it's a relief to get out but losing that hope, that faith is painful to me. I can't get the fear and guilt out of my head and frightening emails in the middle of the night don't help.
Can anyone share their personal experience to help me?