Doing the Right Thing, Making a Choice (shunning)

by Simon 71 Replies latest jw friends

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  Simon

  Yes, they do it for growth and for some people the notion that they think they are "god's storm-troopers" is appealing.

  I think your statement "some JWs are unloving and unchristian because they choose to shun their loved ones" is better to read JWs are unloving and unchristian because they choose to shun their loved ones based without knowing precisely what the individual is supposedly guilty of doing

  I think the danger with that is that it may subtly promote the idea that it's OK if there is a reason they know about it and it moves the discussion into what are and what aren't valid reasons.

  Personal relationships should always be the sole right of the individuals concerned.
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  Simon

  My sister, for example. It would kill her to shun me but she's do it because she's really feel that she's doing the hardest thing for her and me, to do what's in my best interests. To her, it would be a sacrifice she's making, and an extremely painful one at that, to do what she believes is in MY best interests.

  Can I really find any fault with her???

  No, but you can have the discussion and make her vocalize that it is not her choice ... then remind her that it really is and that she is making it without knowing or being able to explain what it's based on. Another factor is that people need to know that we are not going back - they can't "hurt us enough to make us comply" which is what they are trying to do. They need to realize that there is not going to be a successful outcome for their choice.

  It's not easy and would probably be emotional ... but surely worth it?
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  cognac

  "remind her that it really is and that she is making it without knowing or being able to explain what it's based on"

  That's true.
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  pbrow

  Cognac,

  If you are da'd or df'd and allow the shunning you are still part of the system. The people of this church count on you to play the victim so that they feel better about the choice that they have made. We cannot help them feel better. This issue is not 1914, or the UN or something that really does not have an impact on their daily lives. Shunning their family is a major life changing incident. If there is any major issue that can help wake them up, shunning close family or friends is that issue! Make them feel uncomfortable about it, challenge them on it, ask them why THEY individually shun you! We cant make them wake up but if you really want to help them wake up, THIS IS THE ISSUE to do it with.

  pbrow
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  Marvin Shilmer

  I think the danger with that is that it may subtly promote the idea that it's OK if there is a reason they know about it and it moves the discussion into what are and what aren't valid reasons.

  Insofar as I'm concerned it is morally acceptable for one person to shun another if the individual knows precisely the conduct at issue and has made a personal choice to shun based on that conduct. In that case individual accountability for shunning is put under an even more intense lens of scrutiny. They can't, for instance, get away with saying "Well So-n-So did something horrible otherwise they'd not be disfellowshipped." Instead the individual has to be comfortable saying, for example, "I'm shunning So-n-So because So-n-So was asking questions that my religion's leaders could not answer for."
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  Finkelstein

  Since this religious organization established itself on contrived misleading information (doctrines) to enhance the proliferation of the literature it published. There was always a close evaluation and scrutiny onto how their interested and participating members were doing as to their own distribution and vocal support of those contrived doctrines. Were they agreeing fully to those set doctrines, which essentially were the core marketing strategy for the WTS ?
  

  Disfellowshiping (firing) was quickly embraced by this organization onto all of its participates who might have not agreed that the WTS leaders were specifically and exclusively chosen by god or disagreed with those expressed contrived doctrines which the WTS heads were propagating.

  The WTS essentially created their own sales representatives and labor force, complete on how and what they were to say and even to how they were to dress and so on.
  
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  nicolaou

  Agreed. I've made the point before that in many respects the Watchtower Society is irrelevant, that we shouldn't be wasting our energies on fighting it but rather, investing our efforts in reaching over their heads to the people we love.

  The flip side of this is ensuring that those loved ones recognise their personal responsibilities whether that's putting directives against blood on your medical records (thanks Mum) or estranging you via shunning.

  There's no 'result' against the Watchtower worth the effort that cannot be achieved by ignoring them and concentrating on our JW family and friends instead.
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  cognac

  Pbrow - I'm faded. I did that for a long time, kept talking to my family. But, it just got too painful and I got more and more detached. Finally, I had to let go so I could focus on my own family.
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  pbrow

  gognac... copy that. I was in a position where getting out(visibly/loudly) was the only option. No shame in knowing when to cut your losses. At the end of the day, you are out and you get to use your experience to help your kids and family! I have often relflected on what a valuable thing it is for my kids to not have to know what missing out on being a kid is. Glad your out.

  pbrow
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  tornapart

  I think it depends on how much the individual believes that the shunning rule comes from God or not. How they perceive the GB and elders... do they speak from God and therefore should be obeyed. Or are they just imperfect men and we should follow what we believe ourselves to be right or not.

  I've seen it in my own family, those that question what the elders say and do and are quite critical of them and their processes don't shun their df'ed family members. The ones that believe God is working through the elders, then they must be obeyed, as disobeying them is tantamount to disobeying God.