How did you adjust to the world after leaving JW land ? friends/lonliness ? (page 2)

blondie

Its been 10 years since we've left the Dubs and I still dont have many friends, but I've realised thats just the way I am. One or two friends is more than enough for me. I dont think it had anything to do with the Dubs. My wife on the otherhand has a huge circle of friends and enjoys socializing as much as possible. At least now she has true friends, something she felt she could never have while being a Dub, and she's never been happier, ..and because of that I'm happy coz she's my best friend

yxl1, that sounds like my hubby and me 10 years from now. We are faders and are renewing relationships with his family and his non-JW friends. We are each other's best company and now we have more time to spend together. I have a few new friends from my volunteering projects.

Blondie

obiwan

I don't even want to go there....

mizpah

Rundontwalk:

Most JWs really do want to help people and they devote time and effort to the ministry to satisfy this need. Anyone who leaves the organization can get immersed into volunteer work as Blondie suggests. Not only willl you meet other dedicated people who have the same interest, but you'll also get an inner satisfaction that you are able to help others less fortunate than you.

Sadly, I've seen individuals who "go off the deep end" upon leaving the organization. ( It seems that some people never had moral and ethical standards of their own.) And so they indulge themselves with every activity that was denied them as a Jehovah's Witness. But a course of self indulgence is never the answer.

There are wonderful people outside the organization. But to find them you have to make the effort. Use some of the training you had as a JW to talk and to become friendly with others only without the religious discussions.

tazmaniac

My adjusting was and is still difficult. I can still remember the first year that I actually had a christmas tree set up in MY lliving room. It felt good, yes, but after I finished setting it up I broke out in tears. Deeply ingrained things come out in the darndest ways. My first worldly concert was a ball. ESPECIALLY when I saw some witnesses here and there in the audience. It is very hard to have friends (and I mean thru hell and back friends) who now look the other way when they see me. It is hard to have casual aquaintances and you meet up with them. Then they notice the cleanly shaven beard I have now and ask whats up. I tell them and they scatter like mice in the kitchen when the lights go on. i must say i believe it has been much easier for me since I only have one family member that is still in. Have I had moments of depression. YES !! Do I at times wonder if I should return. YES !! Do I come back to my senses before I do. YES. I had a vivid dream the other night that I simply went back to the hall. It was a Sunday, and I got right up to conduct the watchtower study like I had done for a zillion years. I have not been back in four years now. Every memorial is still a difficult time for me. But I am adjusting. I have some real good friends now. Ones who dont jugde me for where I was or wasnt last sunday. They dont care if I use a colorful word here and there. They dont care if I have a 2 door car or a powerball ticket above my sunvisor. And they are there when things go good or when things go bad. Sorry to ramble. Cheers !!!! Taz

Elsewhere

After five years I'm still adjusting... and stumbling along... I'm having to learn my social skills from scratch.

Lady Lee

Well I left 19 years ago. Right after I immersed myself in college. I was about 15 years older than most of the others in my program so making friends was not the easiest. I had two kids at home so I went home. I did have a couple of super friends that kept me distracted for the longest time. During this time I was also dealing with the child abuse I went through before I became a JW. And then dealt with some of the spousal abuse.

After I graduuated the depression hit. Well more the lonliness and I met with one of the elders about getting reinstated. I still believed the JWs had the truth at that point and had not read anything against them. That lasted for one whole meeting and I never went back but the depression stayed around for a long time.

One day a friend asked me about one of the beliefs of the JWs. I didn't have my books anymore so I went on the net. OMG What a shock. My first "discover" was the Mexico/Malawi double standard. It just blew me away. In one quick burst all my beliefs about God went up in a puff of smoke. I felt angry beyond belief and very betrayed.

Never one to live long with a lack of information I started reading everything I could get my fingers on - cults in general and lots about the JWs. The next thing I discovered that the WTS was not some poor struggling organization but rather was a fat cat living off the hard work of all those they lied to and took advantage of.

I ordered and read CoC and Hassan's books on mind control. And eventually I found my way here.

I have never in my life had a lot of friends at one time and now is no different. I am remarried to a great guy who understands nothing about the JWs but does understand what this place does for me.

I have discovered many hobbies and interests to fill my life - computers, photography, arts and crafts, writing and love the work I do with a passion

Every now and then I wonder if some of the old friends have left and if we can reconnect but most have moved and I can't find them.

And every now and then something comes up from the past to haunt me until I deal with it. Those are getting fewer thank goodness.

stillajwexelder

I hedged my bets all along and still am doing. Have family that were and still are in the truth but most of family not in truth - de sure I still had plenty of "worldy'" friends and even did one or two worldy things. As an example I always visit my worldy mother and father on christmas morning and always give them a call on their birthdays etc. After resigning as an elder I did not worry about missing the odd meeting and then very rarely went into field service -- now I have loads of worldly friends, visit this bulletin board all the time (have done for 3 years) but only recently started posting. In my naivette I though that there would be some ultra-society loyalist/apologist who would become a member draw me out and determine my identity -- not easy leading a double life but I am building a normal life in case one day I go all the way and totally leave/DA/DFd etc. That is why I do not say too much about myself on this board. Do not know if this answers the original question " How ------- AFTER leaving" since I have not yet totally left.

All you members of this board are doing a great job by the way, keep up the good work -- you are helping me

ninecharger

Mizpah,

you are sooo right.

My two cents worth is that no one should be told who to make friends with.

I'd rather have my stogie smoking neighbor for a buddy than some filthy pedo MS in the book study. Even when I was an enthusiastic Witless, I never let anyone tell me who my friends could be...

9

MNJAR

It has been over 25 years since we just faded. No one from the congregation seemed to care. They talked one or two times with my husband, but not one person talked to me. Seemed rather strange to me that as a so called lost sheep, not one person cared.

We kept our lives very simple, along with our kids. As far as taking on what we used to call worldly friends, we didn't. Just stuck together as a family. Now we are more hospitable with our neighbors and found that they are there to help us in any way, as we are for them. Before, we had to avoid them. They proved to be better people than some of the people we had to associate with at the hall.

We don't feel that we have to be involved in any organization or church. The Bible is still a very important part of our lives and we try to follow IT as much as possible by living moral lives. In no way do we feel that we have to experience the things that we supposedly missed, because so many of those things were not good for us anyway. As husband and wife we are each other's best friend and we enjoy doing things with our kids and grandkids, no longer feeling guilty for taking a weekend off and going fishing.

My problem is that after all those years, I still feel that some of the things we were taught are still in our minds. Guess that is why they call it brainwashing. Another thing that hurts is to know that the families we studied with are still under this spell and we can do nothing about it.

My

freedom96

I made sure that while I faded, I created friends that had nothing to do with the organization. Sure, I looked spiritually weak for hanging out with "wordly" people, but the "worldly" people are still around, while most of the others are not.

How did you adjust to the world after leaving JW land ? friends/lonliness ?

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