I HAVEN'T ADJUST YET, I'M STILL TRYING...
How did you adjust to the world after leaving JW land ? friends/lonliness ?
by run dont walk 38 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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SixofNine
It took a big man to write that, Lebowski. Welcome to the forum dude.
Seriously though, that was a great first post, and I've come to much the same conclusions (although it's been anything but methodical, my getting from there to here).
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Catren
Well, Mr. Lebowski, I think your post was excellent and very helpful. I was impressed! I really appreciate what you said about meditation and yoga, because I have been kind of hung up about these kinds of activities. There is an article about meditation in a recent 'Time' magazine that mentioned how very popular meditation has become and that it really helps people in a variety of ways - - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It sounds pretty wonderful! But, I find myself wondering about whether people might really be opening themselves up to demon influence with these activities, as I was taught as a Winess. It's been approximately twenty years, too, since I have been a Jehovah's Witness! So it's like, should I, or shouldn't I? I don't know if I am being silly or what, but I guess I carry around some residual influence from my Jehovah's Witness days - - about a few things, anyway. I'll tell you, I have absolutely no problem with birthdays! Being able to give someone a birthday card on their day feels wonderful to me after not being allowed to acknowledge loved ones' birthdays as a Witness. It was like being denied the right to do something that should be and feel so natural. Just letting someone know you are so happy that they were born and you want to celebrate with them their birth date, to celebrate their life, what on earth can be so wrong with that. It's a beautiful thing. It seems so cold to me now the idea of not recognizing families' and friends' birthdays. Especially with children. Mr. Lebowski's analogy of anger with a dead horse is excellent. If the feeling of anger is not used constructively, it will just cloud focusing and hinder moving on. It can be immobilizing if isn't utilized appropriately, if you get stuck in it, and it builds up around you like mire. It can be like a stepping stone to go forward. Use it, but don't let it take you over. The flip side of anger could be depression or any number of other things. I understand that anger is actually a secondary emotion. I think the three steps Lebowski offered are great! Best wishes to everyone whether you are just coming out of the Witnesses, or just recently come out, of have been out for many years. Take care, and hang in there.
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Nic
On the outside I adjusted pretty well. I had one "worldly" friend that I had known since junior school and had started to visit her to talk to a non jdub and get a different viewpoint during my final 6 months as a dub (I was dragged into the elder's room at every single meeting and was sick of talking about why I was in love with a worldy married but separated man, who was many years older than me - obviously he was using me for sex right? Oh so that's why he wouldn't touch me and refused to be alone with me for a whole year. Oh yeah that makes sense. I suppose she was my relief from it all.)
Anyway, through her I met a new friend and as soon as I was DF'd (for doing absolutely nothing!! They didn't believe me so I was out anyway) I started going out with them - the usual for most ex-witnesses of 19 - pubs, clubs, parties - and it was in between christmas and new year so we were having loads of fun. I also started a full time job in the January (thank God - money!) to fund this new lifestyle. There I made loads of friends even though there were only two guys who worked there, they had loads of friends/girlfriends and I used to see old schoolfriends come into the store (mobile phone shop). So gradually I started to get a few friends. I also made friends with the girl in the shop next door and her friends. So I had about 4 different groups of friends that I could go out with at any one time. Which was fantastic and my saviour. (The guy I was seeing broke up with me just before I was df'd - great timing. We got back together and were together for another two years off and on but I could never rely on him - especially as he lived in Guernsey and I am on the mainland.)
Then I moved jobs, drifted apart from some people, my first and oldest friend moved to London (2 hours from me), and I was basically left with one friend and my sister. Then I met a new bloke who is now my hubby. I started a new job in an office with about 50 young people and it all started all over again. I have now left that place and have 2 very good friends and loads of acquaintances from there. Then I went to drama school in London and made loads of friends, about 8 of which I am still in contact with today. I am also involved with local drama groups, of which there is a massive collective of young people.
On the inside I think I have coped pretty well. It was extremely painful saying goodbye to my friends - I suspected that I was going to be df'd the day before and was at a farewell party for my best bloke friend who was moving to Russia ( very spiritual and has become an elder there blah blah - shame as he was a great bloke). I told one or two people who I was close to, all of whom were amazed - after all I was a Regular Pioneer. My best girl friend never got to hear the story of it all - I didn't want to tell her because I was sick of talking about it but also because she was so straight laced she wouldn't have understood. I have basically spent my life since - I am now 28 - catching up on what I missed out on - college, career, friends, fun etc. I haven't got a clue what I believe except that I know I definitely done't believe in Armageddon or that there is one true religion - I think they are all corrupt and I will NEVER EVER give anyone control over my life again.
I have difficulty dealing with my mum. She has a major in guilt trips and always wanted me to be mum's perfect little girl which is why I pioneered. I really miss my best witness girlfriend Jenny and keep hoping that she will leave. I never found anyone to replace her until about 6 months ago and now feel much happier. I find myself trying to prove things to people all the time - I can be happy and successful without being a druggie, alcoholic or prostitute (remember those articles about what happens to you if you leave?) As you can imagine, this puts a lot of stress on me and I am working on it. But I WILL be a famous actress and they can all kiss my ass.
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smack
wow, what a stampede of newbies! welcome all!
cool nick Tazmaniac.
I left with my 1st wife. She is a very outgoing person and took me places I never would have gone alone. I have mellowed somewhat since trying all the things that were considered evil, but I spose I was just rebelling.
Long hair, booze, smokes (both kinds) sex, more booze.
It's like getting over every bad relationship, you have to move on.
Steve
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JayDub4L
you all are bothered by ur conscience... if u weren't, u would no longer think about what u did as wrong... ppl in Christendom dont regret or talk so deeply about leaving Babylon the Great... but when u leave the truth u can feel it and you know it and it bothers you. That is not a bad thing. Theres a scripture find encouraging that nothing can seperate you from Jah if u really love him... whats best is to continue to prove the truth to urself scientifically, logically, realistically, biblically, historically, etc. Ur minds are torturing u because Jesus was right, the truth will set u free... until u let it, u'll continue to be enslaved to a unpeaceful conscience and the day of Jah will be a great snare. Do what u gotta do. Jah has confidence in everyone... even those who drift far off... please dont take your troubles/problems out on Jehovah... Paradise Everlasting life will give u plenty of time to associate, to make new friends, to learn new SKILLS as one of u have said... u wont Have to WORK for anyone but urself... doesnt that sound more appealing than slaving for the wicked one? what do u think?
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Satanus
Thanks for your concern, but you really have no idea about the mind of the average person here. You see, once all the wt programming is undone, the conscience is totally clear. Me for instance; i know that 1914 and everything the wt connects to it is wrong, there will be no jehovah's war of armageddon, if jehovah does exist, he is just a small god, and lastly, the bible isn't inspired by a god of love. Oh, and one more thing, all the predictions that the wt made are false.
S
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Emma
I felt depressed and lonely while I was in the borg
This goes for me, too. No guilt but I was worried because I was told there are no real friends in the world. How wrong that proved to be! My non-jw friends got me through a divorce and getting on my feet as a newly single mom with very little means. Even though I wasn't df'd or da'd, there was absolutely no help or support from my family, not even phone calls, much less the congregation.
My kids became interrested in theater and I found myself busy helping a new non-profit get established. I had something productive that really mattered, that I was counted on for, and also gave me new friends.
I told a neighbor once that I didn't know how to be a real friend because they'd always been ready-made for me. She hugged me and said I was a wonderful friend, that I knew how to be one; we're still close after many moves.
Emma, of the "it keeps getting easier" class
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Charisma
It has been bitter sweet for me. On one hand I am happier, being free from rules that say who I can have for friends, what I can do with them, etc, However, because I was a witness all my life, the majority of my friends were witnesses and so when I stopped associating, very quickly I lost nearly all of my friends. So I went from a some what social butterfly to a bit of a loner until I could rebuild friends outside the kingdom hall. I am still working on it, but it is easier now than it was when I first lost my old friends