Single Sisters Over A Certain Age Group Getting A Bad Rap

by HiddlesWife 72 Replies latest social relationships

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  HiddlesWife

  Hi. I'm new here; one of my relatives was a member on this forum a few years ago and told me about it. Anyways, as a sister who has been in the org since childhood and now in her late 40's (plus as a woman of color), I have noticed that a number of brothers have an ageist attitude. They are very accepting of young women under 26 and rejecting women over that age, particularly those in their 30's and over.

  Is this an unspoken mindset from WTHQ (specifically from Bethel), or is it that quite a number of males (sorry, I'm not sexist here) have this type of mentality? I've spoken to a few sisters (of all backgrounds: racial, economic, various marital statuses, etc.); and they mentioned that the above is very noticeable, too. One of my cousins (a born-in and who is married) commented that a middle-age woman who was studying in her congregation got discouraged by that attitude.

  Does anyone have any comments to give regarding this issue? Also, I was inactive for a long while and am trying to make a decision concerning my spirituality. Thanks.
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  OneEyedJoe

  It's probably not coming from watchtower specifically but any time you put yourself in a male-dominant authoritarian cult, you're probably going to find that women are viewed more as a commodity than for the person that they are (especially since they're not really allowed to express who they are and are instead required to be subservient) which will tend to favor younger women.

  The watchtower's version of "spirituality" is nothing more than a gauge of your level of devotion to the watchtower organization. It has nothing to do with god. Get out of the cult, figure out who you really are and then figure out what (or if) religion is right for you.
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  nmthinker

  There are about twice as many sisters as brothers in the org. Because of this brothers are able to marry way out of their league in the org.

  http://www.pewforum.org/religious-landscape-study/religious-tradition/jehovahs-witness/#demographic-information
  
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  LisaRose

  This is not an organization that values women, so it's not surprising that they are not treated well. The only acceptable function as a woman is as a mother, wife or Pioneer, if you are not doing any of these things then they have no use for you at all, you might as well be invisible. That's what happens when women are marginalized and not allowed to contribute, it's such a waste.

  I attended a church for a few months and it was such an eye opener that not every religion is this way. The church had a woman pastor, and many of the deacons were women also. What a difference it made when every person was allowed to contribute, it was clear everyone felt valued and had a function. You couldn't help compare their lively, joyful services and the dry, boring meetings at the Kingdom Hall.
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  someDUDEinAsmallCubicalSomewhereOverTheRAINBOX

  From the viewpoint of a witless - "Sister so-and-so is already 30 and not married...something must be wrong with her. If she was really a good Christian and chaste and humble and submissive and a goody goody JW wifey, then she would've already been married by now...something must be REALLY wrong with her to be 30 and not married!!!"

  Just my 2cents. If your not married by 30, then your done for.
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  LV101

  It's a male game in the religion - they have it made compared to other areas of society. The poor females have nothing to choose from and I've heard this for decades. I'm not saying there aren't some good men there as we see by this board so many who are devoted to their wives/families. Yrs. ago the dynamics were better with more intelligent (some very intelligent) males joining or born-ins.
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  nugget

  The main issue is that there are more sisters generally than brothers. This means that brothers have greater choices than sisters. I have observed that attractive young sisters will often be quick to find a husband whereas plain spiritual sisters seem doomed to spinsterhood.

  It is natural for men to take advantage of this in balance. Because of the way the organisation is structured women have no status and only gain any position through the efforts of their husbands. This means that an attractive young woman may be prepared to settle for someone who they would under normal circumstances reject as not their type because there is fear that if they don't marry quickly they may never get another offer. This has led to a number of mismatched marriages and divorce within the congregation.
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  TD

  They are very accepting of young women under 26 and rejecting women over that age, particularly those in their 30's and over.

  Could you elaborate on the meaning of accepting and rejecting? I think I know what you're talking about, but I might be off the reservation entirely. Are we talking about single women, married women or both? Are we talking about their status in the JW community as in who gets called on at meetings, etc.? Or are we talking about something else entirely, perhaps in regard to physical attraction?

  As a general comment, (Not necessarily applicable to what you're talking about at all) I have observed that the JW faith seems to have niche groups of dysfunctional people of both genders.
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  blondie

  After 45 years in the WTS and being a single sister during the years just before 1975, I saw a rush to marry and I saw sisters marry men that they would never considered if they had more choices. Single jws were afraid there would be no marriage for jws who lsived through the end either due to a strange interpretation of the WTS marriage vows.

  The prettier the sister, the younger, well-connected, father an elder with money, the more likely to see them marry before other less endowed sisters. I turned down 5 proposals, not just because they were "deperados" but because I did not want to give any man more authority over me. My brothers, the elders, my uncle all thoughtt they had the right to dictate my personal life. It is no accident that I stayed single until 38 and married a loving, kind non-jw.

  But now I have found non-jw men who are also immature even late in years and judge a woman's worth by her looks and as I saw under the bunker theme wanting to be locked up with an attractive woman without any mention that she would want him giving it a tone of sexual assault.
  
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  OrphanCrow

  oneeyedjoe: It's probably not coming from watchtower specifically but any time you put yourself in a male-dominant authoritarian cult, you're probably going to find that women are viewed more as a commodity than for the person that they are (especially since they're not really allowed to express who they are and are instead required to be subservient) which will tend to favor younger women.

  You are right.

  The phenomena is a reflection of the male power position. The males have all the power in the JW cult and the women are objects to be possessed. By selecting and choosing "breeding age" women, favoring the sexually available and attractive woman, the men have defined sexuality as their priority and main focus. You could speculate that the average male JW is rather low on the evolutionary scale...they have not progressed past the point of living only within their animal nature