I can't do it anymore. (page 2)

minimus

Gadget, you KNOW what to do. Your own words show what you WANT to do. Don't be foolish and marry a person under false pretenses. You will ALWAYS regret it. If your lives are so different in perspective, you will cause her needless pain and agony. If she is the right one for you and vice-versa, let that be CLEAR. Don't assume things will work out. They usually won't. Tell her how you really feel now, not after the fact. Let her make the decision. You might find that onvce she understands all that motivates you, she may either want to marry you or simply, not.....Good luck, friend.

Perry

Why don't you study the bible with her? Amazing did this by slowly getting his family to think and he eventually got his whole family out. But, then again he was an annointed Elder with enough clout and craftiness to get them to listen.

If that is impossible, you can still show leadership and display the qualities of honesty, intellectual integrity, and commitment to what is right regardless of the personal cost to you. Those qualities in men are in short supply for women these days. When women are convinced of their validity, it is most irrestible to them. I think you got a good shot if you can display your continued personal growth..... without the WTBS. And if not, I'm convinced that tons of "thinking" young ladies would gladly take her place.

Perry

gumby

Hi Gadget,

Someone was asking about you here the other day and was worried about you......I'm glad your here and OK.

As for my advise.....I'm with others on this. Don't get involved anymore with your girl .....unless she is willing to read or discuss the Witnesses to the point she understands YOUR feeling about them and WHY you feel the way you do. If you don't.....you'll go through heartache again as you have been through before.

I wish you the best...

Gumby

Aztec

Gadget the post you are looking for is, I think, seven006's post #5. It's really great!

As what everyone else has said, be honest. If you can't be honest with someone your whole relationship will crumble. One of the few things I think the bible said that makes sense is the quote about having a solid foundation.

~Aztec

Stacy Smith

The key word here is honesty isn't it? No one has suggested you continue with what you've been doing. I'm no expert on long term relationships but I think you need to be totally honest with her. Don't give her links give her your true feelings. Talk about how you feel and why you feel that way.

Anything else is a lie and that would be the worlds worst start.

Big Tex

she'd rather I slept with someone else rather than if I turned apostate

Good advice here Gadget. The only thing I have to add is that for a marriage to work, you both have to grab each other and hold on while the storms rage around you. If you don't you'll be pulled apart. You need to be the most important person in her life, and she yours. That includes religion.

If I had asked Nina to stop going to meetings, she would have because she loves me more than Jehovah's Witnesses. If this woman is trying to pigeon hole you into being something she wants, rather than who you are, then she doesn't really love you. Instead she loves what she wants you to be.

I get the feeling you know what to do. My only advice would be to gentle but firm and speak honestly and candidly. And let her decide who does she care more about.

Good luck.

core

Gadget

If I told her what I realy thought of the witnesses I think she'd walk away, but at least that would give me a clean break to get on with my life, but I'd be worried about what effect it would have on her.

You cannot mislead this girl as her poor mental health would implode when she finds out your real intentions re reinstatement ( that is to say - you dont want to come back)

WIthout a doubt she would suffer emotionally at the hands of her family . If she wants to run off and marry you what is it she is in love with - what she thinks she knows about you or the real you - would you be fair to her if you married with her not knowing your innermost feelings? Running off with you would likely destroy her family relationships and then when she discovers your real stance re the "truth" the effects on her could be catastrophic.

What is best for you - a marriage build on a dark secret - probably not. What is best for her - clearly most of us want her saved from the borg but is this the way to do it? - I doubt it.

Any actions you take should put her welfare (long term) over any of your needs and feelings. Its just dreadful that the "truth" is behind so many difficult situations such as yours.

The effect on her of your walking away is likely to be short lived - deceiving her into a marriage would be permanently damaging. I sincerely hope things go well for you and her - sorry but none of us has the magic answer.

SixofNine

You must let her know exactly where you stand before marriage. She deserves that, and you have to know who she is, at her core as well.

However, if you can take some time to do that, showing her bits and pieces of what you've learned, go for it. If you still believe in the bible, or heck, even if you don't, a bible study could open her eyes quite a bit, as Perry noted above.

Sometimes religious differences are to great for a relationship. This happens even among people who never heard of JW's.

shotgun

Gadget I have found that for most people the signs are there before they get married it just the rose coloured glasses we often wear which prevent us from seeing them.

If she states she'd rather you sleep with someone else than leave the Org I'd say that's a bad sign...my wife says that about me for the simple fact it would make leaving me easier.

It may be a time to re-evaluate your relationship with her and see if she is not willing to leave the org are you willing to live a lifetime with it......not just a few years or months...a lifetime.

Tough choice Gadget.... but easier made now than later.

gumby

Sometimes religious differences are to great for a relationship

I agree sixer,

Mine is great. My wife is a dub and most of my family, and my wife and I get along better in the last 8 years I have been out of the borg in all our 30 years together. When I was getting out and the shit hit the fan.....it was bad for awhile. Once she accepted who I was and what I was.......our troubles disappeared......for the most part. I was lucky to have a wife who did this. I finally was able to say what I thought and be myself.......and she liked that about me.

Gumby

I can't do it anymore.

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