Women and abusive relationships...I don't understand? (page 2)

Frannie Banannie

Obi, the first thing the woman needs to do is be made to realize she is actually a victim of abuse....Here are some

links (typed in abusive mate on Google) to advice re: this matter of an abusive mate:

Verbally Abusive Mate: http://www.pinay.com/cgi-bin/forum_spc_RelatMen.cgi?read=25

Domestic Violence Site: http://www.fremontpolice.org/CrPrevent/clmn03.htm

Why She Stays (and other info links): http://www.cameron.edu/~richardb/Vwhydoesshestay.html

Facts About Domestic Violence: http://www.womenscenterinbrevard.org/facts_about_dv.htm

Are You Being Abused? (questions which will help the victim gain perspective on their situation) http://www.thenetteam.net/abused.html

Hope these help.

Frannie B

Frannie Banannie

I get an ounce of grief or control from someone and I'm gone.

We're some of the lucky ones, Stacy....we don't hafta see it, smell it, taste it or WALK IN it to recognize it for what it is.

Frannie B

arrowstar

perhaps if you read my post in sens thread.

I'm a smart woman. I would never have put myself in that position. But what you're missing here is that it seldom starts out that way. They don't start the abuse till after they have you...be it marriage...a child...whatever. Prior to that it's all moonlight and magnolias. You can get swept away. In my case, it started slowly, right after we were home from the honeymoon. Always with the promise of "baby...I'm sorry. It'll never happen again." Then the verbal abuse that can eat away slowly at any bit of self-esteem you have within you. You begin to believe the lies. Each time you start out the door...the beatings get worse (hospitalized here). Think of Pavlov's dog...I try to go...I get beat...I try to go...I get beat again. Sooner or later...you stop trying to go. You begin to adapt your behavior so that you don't set them off. But, no matter what you do there is always a new thing that will set them off. It's an issue of control. And power. Who has the power...the control?

anyway...that's my two cents

Lisa

tinkerbell82

i think a lot of women were raised in an abusive environment, and perhaps don't even realize that this sort of treatment is abnormal. once they do realize the truth of the situation, they don't know how to get out.

arrowstar

Hold up now...!

I was not raised in an abusive situation. There was plenty of love in our household. I also had a better education and made more money than my abusive husband...so it's not that I NEEDED him to survive.

Please do not make general statements. Each incident is individual.

I clearly do not fit the pattern you are trying to establish.

Lisa

Tinkerbell4125

Before I met CC, most of the men that I had relationships with, were to some point abusive. Why? The way it was explained to me was ....sometimes we are drawn to what is familiar to us. My father was abusive, therefore it really effected my self asteem. With a father that was abusive and a mother that didn't know to protect me, after awhile, you don't feel so good about yourself.

I would tolerate the abuse because I didn't feel I deserved better. Sad but true. Also, usually the abuse doesn't start in the beginning of the relationship. It's after the abuser has settled into the relationship and taken control and you feel you have fallen in love with the person. Once I figured out why I was drawn to these types of relationships, I realized I could change this. A person can stop the cycle and find a loving relationship, when you start looking for the right qualities in a peson, and realize that you deserve to be treated with love and respect. I'm living proof of that.

I hope this helped you alittle.

StinkyPantz

Arrow-

I believe Tink was merely making a hypothesis as to why "some" women stay in those types of situations. She wasn't directing her comments towards you hun.

William Penwell

Like we discussed in a previous post, I get sick and tired of hearing about how they would like to meet a guy that treats them like a lady and when they find that guy they end up dumping him. They seemed to go for the guy that going to at first tell them what they want to hear. Then after when they are hooked, that's when the abuse starts. What they seem to not understand is abusers are controllers. Someone that is a controller know exactly what to say and how to act. Their ultimate game is control. I see it all the time. I think other men see through their games better than women and visa versa.

Will

tinkerbell82

lisa - i didnt mean that ALL women in abusive relationships were raised in that environment, but i think that many were. perhaps i should clarify that i'm speaking more from experience than anything else...but i certainly didnt mean to say that all abused women have fallen prey to the exact same circumstances...i try never to generalize like that.

arrowstar

Stinky

I understand that fact. However, it could put that seen in people's minds.

Tink

Like Tink said...it starts slowly...you really don't see it coming till it's too late and you're in too deep.

Also, usually the abuse doesn't start in the beginning of the relationship.

Babygirl, I know you weren't speaking in generalizations...but sometimes people just scan these threads and don't really get to the specifics. I just wanted them to know that it's not always the case. ((Tink))

Will

I didn't want an abuser. I wanted a nice man. He presented himself as a nice man. After the divorce, I had serious trust issues because of the lies. If he walks like a nice man...and he talks like a nice man...and treats you like a nice man...surely he is a nice man. Ain't always the case...wanna see the scars on my body??

Lisa

Women and abusive relationships...I don't understand?

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