Women and abusive relationships...I don't understand? (page 3)

obiwan

So, whats the best way to help a woman in this kind if situation? I quite apparent that they need help, they need help to see there is a problem. They also need help to get out. What can/do you do?

SP, I have not recieved your pm yet.

tinkerbell82

((((lisa)))))) thanks momma :)

obi - i wish i knew...i don't have a clue though

Obi - gently present the facts to them. Offer support where you can give it. Refer them to agencies better equiped to handle it. But always be a good friend by being there for them. They may finally reach out for help. Someone needs to be there to take their hand.

Lisa

William Penwell

arrowstar,

Don't think that I was taken this lightly. Abuse should not be taken lightly. I agree, when you treat someone nice that has been abused they don't know if its genuine or not. It is hard for someone that hasn't gone through abuse to understand what's happening. I think that is why it is so important before you commit to a relationship to casual date and really get to know a person first. If your gut feeling says it doesn't feel right or you see any signs of control, get the heck out before its too late. Also yes there is a lot of good counseling out there for woman that are coming out of an abusive situation.

Will

BeautifulGarbage

I came from an abusive home.

My Father: When he was good, he was fantastic, and when he was bad, he was awful. The man is charming and generous. He is also brutal and mean. He was very good looking and athletic. He either wanted complete control over it or have nothing do it with it. His household was not abusive at all. In fact, though not perfect, my grandparents were loving people. Especially my Grandfather.

My Mom: Her home was not abusive either. Though, her Mother was swept away by the JW's when she was five. Her befuddled husband drank to mourn the loss of his wife to the Org. Finally, due to his drinking, my Mom's Dad died when she was 12.

My Father romanced and showered attention and affection on my Mom.

They got married at the KH. My Dad 19 and my Mom, 14. I wouldn't consider 14 a good age to be able to pick a good marriage partner. Though, my grandmother, feeling the burden of children and no husband, allowed her to get married.

It was twenty-two years of a roller coaster ride that finally careened off the tracks and ended in disaster. It took my sister, and I, years to overcome our upbringing. Our brother, unfortunately, was not able to overcome and lives on the edge with drugs and living who knows where.

Why she stayed? Well, he threatened her. He would take the us kids and she would never see us again. He would kill her, etc. He had beaten her up many time, she believed him. She never graduated high school. Never been on her own.How in the world would she support us? And the heady feeling of the good times that she desperately hoped would last. But, finally, one day, she just couldn't take it anymore. And that last night, when she told him to leave, he exploded and some those threats, and her fears, came true. I know, I was there. And even after all of that, when he charged at me and shoved me into the wall and tried to punch me, she threw herself over me to protect me from him.

And it was that night that I vowed that NO MAN or human for that matter, would ever hit, push, shove, me without getting seriously hurt back. And, I told my spouse that if he ever hit me, he had better kill me, because if I can get back up, he has seen his last day. A bit strong, I know, but I needed to make it my point very clear: I am no victim.

But, unlike my Mom, I picked a good one.

And that is how it happened in my house.

SpannerintheWorks

Perhaps a similarity with the JW religion (and others) can be paralled here; people are being abused, but they are reluctant to leave. This could be due to a punishment that (in the abused's mind) far out-weighs the prospect of a separation, or they simply have nowhere to go.

I do sometimes wonder where the Watchtower got its emotional blackmail expertise from.

Spanner

bebu

I don't understand either!

My JW neighbor has been abused by her husband, but most of it has been emotional (tho' there were some bruises evident earlier in her marriage).

The thing I've noticed about her (and I don't know if this is a characteristic that gets nurtured by being a dub), is that even though she has a strong side to her--she was independent for over 50 years till the marriage--she seems to still be looking for someone to take care of her, or take the responsibility for her choices. I mean, with the WT you just have 1 choice to make: follow them completely, or not. They get to choose all the details for you from there.

It could be that she is so emotionally drained, she can't follow thru with the choices she makes while thinking clearly ("I am going to sign those separation papers!").

I've been holding her hand, as suggested above, but I am wary. I don't want to make her choices for her, and essentially re-enforce the underlying problem of desiring dependence.

Still not sure, though!

bebu

proudassmonkey

i grew up being beaten by my mother. when i left my parent's house i swore i would never let anyone else hit me EVER! I told my very loving boyfriend, you ever raise your hand to me i am gone. no apologies no excuses i am gone. he would never do that but he knew from the get go that was how it was. you can choose to be a victim for the rest of your life or you can stand up and not let any one make you feel small again. i choose to stand up and be some one.

basics-for-me

I always find it astonishing that the question is always asked about "Why does a woman stay?" Why aren't we asking the question, "Why does a man hit a woman?"

It seems to me to be another way of blaming the woman, which is society's way of ridding men of taking responsibility for their own actions.

Bay64me.

frenchbabyface

((( to those who shared )))

... It rings my bells, but I can't tell because it is related to someone* I love too much and I don't want him to get details in getting a look in here*.

But I feel for you ... AND I'm just happy, happy, happy that you are out of it, It feels SO GOOD THEN ... !!! OH YESSSSSSssssss

Take care

Corinne

* his favorit poste here is "the most beautifull girls .... " or something like that ...

Women and abusive relationships...I don't understand?

Share this