Why I never will never fully love or understand Jehovah

by berylblue 72 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  berylblue

  It's kind of hard to love and trust someone who will off thousands of persons merely because they bitched becaused they were bored of bread...and that's just for starters.
  

  I tried to rationalize it as JW saying, "well, we are Jehovah's possessions, he created us and, by killing us, he is just reclaiming what is his."

  That is not a very firm foundation for true love. Rationalizing irrational behavior.

  I am admitting it: I do not love or understand Jehovah. I think I still want to, but I'm not sure.

  A few months ago, I would have concluded this with, "I guess I'm just a bad person."

  Guess what? I'm not. I'm normal. You can't truly love someone you fear. And f that "wholesome fear and respect" crap. Fear of being nuked at A. is not a "wholesome fear and respect". In my case, it was terror.

  Rosemarie
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  ScoobySnax

  Sorry you feel that way now Beryl.
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  Satanus

  Glad you feel that way now Beryl, especially the part about you accepting yourself and your own feelings as normal. Selfacceptance and self love are the first step to accepting and loving others. 'Born in sin', 'sinful nature' and 'fearing the fearful god' are destructive dogmas, imo.

  The way the bible portrays god is only a reflection of the nature of the tribes that wrote it. Notice how god's nature changes in the gospels. That's because of a new liberal/tolerant/enlightened influence on the writers. Whoever this influence was, he seems to have had a grasp of the nature of 'god'. However, the writers didn't share that, as they didn't experience what he did. And so, even the nt, while a great improvement, contains only a flicker of true divine light.

  SS
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  Sweet Sally

  Rosemarie,

  You say you do not love or understand Jehovah. You think you want to but are not sure. If you have been a Witness in your past you know that you only have to call on Jehovah with a true heart and He is not far off from any who seek him out. It looks like you are trying to be someone you aren't so you can be accepted here. Just try being yourself. You will likely be surprised at what a wonderful person you really are.
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  Gopher

  Rosemarie,

  You're saying you think you still want to love Jehovah is understandable. We all want to be part of something bigger, and find some more universal meaning.

  However an honest evaluation of things shows that if the Bible is supposed to be God's word, he didn't do a great job of explaining himself. It's confusing because he is pictured as jealous, vengeful and if you don't believe in him he'll kill you. Yet you're supposed to worship him out of pure love (and not for the reward).

  And to many, a close examination of the Bible shows it is merely another human attempt to explain the mysteries of life and death and the universe. It raises more questions than it answers.

  You probably have friends who are close to you, because they make themselves known to you. God (if he exists) has chosen to keep himself at arm's length from us (or even further). I choose to "love and understand" the lovable and understandable. If at a future time (after my death) I survive into some unknown form of afterlife and God chooses to make himself understandable at that point, then I'll at least have a chance to have some sort of "relationship" with him. It just doesn't seem likely right now.

  Of course people of "faith" would beg to differ. And of course, that is their prerogative.
• 

  talesin

  berylblue

  A few months ago, I would have concluded this with, "I guess I'm just a bad person."

  Guess what? I'm not. I'm normal.

  What a lot of growth and progress in a 'few months'.

  This is a biggie. I'm happy for you, having released yourself from the bondage of fear of J***vah.

  I, too, lived in this terror for many years. It feels great to no longer have the worry of 'him' reading my thoughts, judging my every action.

  Congratulations and well done.

  tal
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  berylblue

  Sally,

  First, welcome, sweetie.

  I appreciate your thoughts very much. Does it really appear I am trying to be something I am not? Respectfully, I don' t think so. I like to be accepted here, of course. It's normal human desire to a part of a group one likes and admires.

  Does anyone else think I am trying to be someone other than myself? This is important to me. Please answer honestly.

  I do want to know the true God, if one exists, and do what s/he wants out of LOVE, not fear.

  It feels terrible to know that being a Witness was, in part, only motivated by terror.

  Scooby, don't be sorry. I've always wanted to say that. I've apologized to Jehovah; if he is truly love, as the NT says he is, then he will understand. It's something I have had to work through since "meeting" Jehovah and reading about all the persons he's killed and trying desperately to understand him but never succeeding.
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  Sweet Sally

  i too choose to love and understand the loveable and understandable. If God isn't loving would any of us be here? Would anyone have a hope of everlasting life on a paradise earth? The examples of destruction in the bible are pictures for us to understand the seriousness of His sovereignty. We are all being warned of the impending destruction of this system and it's everyone's choice to obey God or turn our backs on Him and be destroyed.
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  Gopher

  Rosemarie,

  Are you trying to be someone "other than yourself"?

  You would be if you were still doing things the JW way. But now you are free to be honest and open in your discussion, rather than fearing repercussions as when under JW bondage.

  Sweet Sally, we're not slamming you. You're just thinking like a loyal JW, and that's who you are (at least you speak like one). At least you're tactful. But Rosemarie is being herself !! Just because it doesn't coincide with your point of view doesn't make it any less genuine.
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  Brummie

  Does anyone else think I am trying to be someone other than myself?

  I dont think so, thing is, you are now in a community that will accept you for who you are and not what they want you to be, hence, who you really are is coming through loud and clear. You are happy with the path you are on, well done.

  Actually, I would say you were trying to be other than who you were when you were in the JWs. They stifled expression so the true self couldnt come through. While I may not agree with your conclusions I would certainly agree with your self discovery.

  Brummie