Beryl
What you're feeling is quite normal. You are finding your own way, and knowing your background, your anger at God is absolutely understandable. I submit that you must be true to yourself. If you are angry at God, tell him. I don't mean you have to believe, but try saying the words out loud as if God were sitting in the room with you. You might be surprised at what you say or feel.
Personally I still believe in God. Either way, to believe or not, is a choice, and that choice is part of what defines who we are. When I die, I will find out and then I will finally know what millions of others now know. Until then all I can do is my best with the tools I have. And so it is with you Beryl. And I think you're doing just fine.
sweet sally said:
The WTS didn't do any of the things you've mentioned. You may think so but that doesn't make it so.
Indeed. 7 elders, 3 circuit overseers and one district overseer told me that I must have two eyewitnesses for each of my rapists. When I presented two witnesses for my ministerial servant father (his mother and sister in law) I was told that wasn't good enough. It seems that in addition, those two eyewitnesses should both be baptized Jehovah's Witnesses preferably in good standing (otherwise one might doubt their credibility).
Now if I didn't have this level of "proof", I was ordered to stop talking about the incest and sexual abuse suffered at the hands of my parents and grandfather, or I would be disfellowshipped for slander.
I don't think so. I've got a box in my closet with notes, letters and tapes proving it. What's more, I am not the only person this happened to. I know of 4 others just in my area that the exact same thing happened.
Now if Jehovah's Witnesses works for you, fine. I won't sit in judgment. But please do not tell me the WTS is all that and a bag of chips. They're not. This policy in particular is not just wrong, it is evil. It protects the most evil at the expense of the most innocent. It separates families, hurts children and serves only to sweep the dirt under the rug. The God I was taught about would find this repugnant.