Excuse my "sympathy post", but I could use some help

logansrun

Folks, I am going to confess something that has been bugging me for a while: I think I'm abnormal.

Now, I know what you are thinking, "He's such a bright guy who posts such intelligent stuff." Yeah. Uh-huh. I'm intelligent all right. But, I'm also mental, as in, mentally ill.

I think so. I suffer from the following symptoms:

almost an absolute and total lack of motivation
mild depression
disorginization

I think I may have ADD. Now, I've heard some people say that ADD doesn't exist, that it is simply a behavioral problem and nothing more. Maybe. But, whether the problem is truly neuro-chemical in nature or simply due to social constraints and outlook that doesn't change the fact that it is a problem, now does it?

When I was going through my doubts about the JWs and utter turning upside down of my world about 2 1/2 years ago I saw a doctor. I was depressed -- VERY depressed. I had bouts where, and I'm "man" enough to say this, I would cry and scream at myself and the delusion which I called Jehovah. My psychiatrist prescribed Paxil and that helped quite a bit. I started to feel better and we switched to Effexor. (I still had a hard time being organized and motivating myself in certain things, but I was not as depressed) This past month I switched to a low dosage of Prozac because I've wanted to get off drugs completely (Prozac is easier to get off of than Effexor because it has a longer half-life, etc...)

So, here I am. I'm not extremely depressed like I was a couple of years ago. No crying spells, no suicidal thoughts.

I just can't get going. I feel lethargic about the things I have to do, yet feel energized about the things which I don't have to do. Let me give you a for instance:

I usually have about six to eight books out from a couple libraries all at once. They're all non-fiction -- subjects like philosophy, science, religion, etc. Heavy tuff, in a way. I also listen to books on tape. (again, I have about three or four tape selections I listen too....same subject matter). I spend far, far, FAR more time on this than I do on my studies at school. This semester I've been taking classes that don't exactly interest me all that much (geometry, algebra...) and I'm totally behind the eight ball.

Common sense says, "spend time studying for school and don't read/listen to so much extraneous stuff." Yeah, I only wish it were that easy. I feel like I've become nothing more than a house for minor distractions -- all "smart" and engaging distractions, but distractions nonetheless.

I just can't get going. Did I already mention that?

What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I procastinate? Why do I spend oodles of time researching the philosophies of John Dewey and trying to throw my arms around the quantum and not care a lick about getting my studying done for my classes? What's the answer? Different medication ? Exercise? (which I've pretty much thrown out the window) Meditation?

Help!

Bradley

**Sorry to all those who have read through this bitch-post.

logansrun

I'll continue:

I feel like I just want a clean slate -- like I need two months to recouperate physically, mentally, emotionally.

I'm beat. And the thing is, this time I've done it myself.

Forgive me,

Bradley

Stacy Smith

Have you talked to your doctor about your lack of motivation? The only think I can think of for self help is to make a daily schedule. Then keep it. For tomorrow write out your daily plan and then live it. I don't know if anyone else can make you movtivated unless it's a medical thing.

SheilaM

Logan: With depression you don't have to have suicidal thoughts or crying jaggs. Clinical depression can exhibit the very symptoms you mentioned

Frannie Banannie

Brad, I don't have a slick "nostrum" for your problem...it sounds like your procrastination will sabotage your academic efforts, tho....might be a good idea to get some input from a professional counselor on this.....and it's begging the questions, "Do you have a deep desire to not succeed in the field of your chosen major?" or "Is this an overall deep-seated aversion to succeed?"

Frannie B

tinkerbell82

i'll be watching this thread closely; i really identify with what you said, and for the record i haven't got a clue as to a solution.

Aztec

Bradley, don't apologize. I suffer from the same lack of stick-to-it-ivness as you. I have plenty of time to read Russian classics, watch hockey and stare out the window daydreaming but I have little patience for sitting through long meetings or lectures. I've always been this way. It goes all the way back to elementary school for me. It may have something to do with ADD. Since I've met you before I can say that you show some symptoms. Inability to focus for long periods of time and being easily distracted two of them. I have learned to motivate myself (the only thing that seems to have worked for me is working hard to modify my behavior without medication) because of the desired outcome. Once I visualize what I want to accomplish I can usually muddle through the necessary hurdles. If you can see the long term benefits you may have an easier time. I think you've really done a great job in the time I've known you in adjusting to "normal" life. Give yourself some time and acknowledgement of what you have accomplished!

Your biggest cheerleader,

~Aztec

BeelzeDub

Bradley,

It sounds like you could have some sypmtoms of ADD. I have ADD, have all my life, but only started taking meds for in in the past 5 years. It is real. The common sypmtoms of adult ADD are;

Trouble staying focused and getting distracted or side tracked easy.

Organization

Procrastination

Impatient when having to wait

Forgetfulness

I don't think depression is a symptom but that in itself does not mean you may not have ADD so you may need ond med for depression and another for ADD. I take Ritalin, with the only side effect being a little dry mouth. I have also heard that Adderall (sp?) is good. One person told me they could tell a diffrence within 30 minutes of taking the meds. Straterra is a newer drug that is advertised for adult ADD. I have heard good things about it and thinking about asking my doctor to try it next time I go.

Good luck.

Big Tex

Bradley

If you?re abnormal, then I?m in real trouble!

Don?t downplay depression. It?s one bad news disease, and it is very difficult to overcome. Forgive me for asking, but the doctor who prescribed the anti-depressants, was he a psychiatrist, and if so did you talk about your JW experiences? Anti-depressants are good for controlling the extreme highs and lows but they also can leave you feeling foggy headed. I felt that way when I was on them. Couldn?t think, no motivation, no energy and amazingly apathetic about everything. I?m not a big fan of anti-depressants, I think talking a problem out is more painful, but has more long-term benefits.

The reason I ask is it is often traumatic leaving the Witnesses. Some are leaving family and friends, but also there?s a large part of you (the emotional, feeling side) that is scared shitless. Are you turning your back on Jehovah? Does he hate you? Will you be destroyed? You were clearly in anguish leaving, and if you were anything like me you probably felt pretty bad about yourself for some time afterward.

When Nina left, she had to see a psychologist for about 8 or 9 months, just to say out loud what she was feeling. She knew cognitively what the problem was, and she could logically reason out that the Witnesses were full of it. But sometimes you?ve just got to say it out loud.

But anyway, I?m sorry for what you?re going through (and no, you?re not bitching), but it sounds to me like you are depressed. It could be about something you know, or even about something that you minimize now, but in reality hurt you.

Just a thought.

Chris

blondie

Logansrun, first get a complete physical checkup leveling with your doctor about what you said here. Let him/her eliminate any physical causes. Then see if there are mental causes outside the physical realm.

Blondie

Excuse my "sympathy post", but I could use some help

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