Excuse my "sympathy post", but I could use some help

by logansrun 40 Replies latest jw friends

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  logansrun

  Six,

  Is it ADD in the classic definition? Who knows, but it's a problem. The depression is easier to find people who will take you seriously, but are you depressed because you feel inefective due to disorganization? Who knows, I think they likely all tie together.

  This is what I am starting to believe as well.

  Leaving the JW's got me out of the depression...

  Me too. That's why I say I'm not "depressed" even though I may have some aspects to my mental life that could be categorized as depression. What I mean is this: I KNOW what depression is in all it's darkness, doom and gloom. I felt that way when I was finding the truth about the Truth and how it was going to mess up my life big time. After I left the Dubs, things instantly got better.

  I'll summarize:

  Couple years ago, leaving the JWs and "all that" my depression was like an 8 on a scale of one to ten. Now, I'd say its at about a 4. \

  On the other hand, my disorganization, amotivation, lack of concentration is about the same both then and now. A difference?

  Bradley
• 

  ESTEE

  (((((Awwww...logansrun)))))

  Sounds to me like you are depressed is all. I'm not sure why you want to hurry off your medication so fast. I think it's okay to stay on the medication when you are depressed. Medication helps you to manage the depression, until you can get a better foothold on life in general again. Sounds like you are resistant to your treatment. Relax into it. Admit to yourself that you are depressed. It's okay. Lots of us feel depressed when we are in the j-dubs, or are in the process of leaving. That is natural and normal for the circumstances, Bradley. No need to look for something more, such as ADD. Depression is valid all on its own! Leaving the j-dubs is a huge ordeal, because it is a complete 180 degree change in our life. Quite an upheaval to adjust to. Just be patient with yourself. I wouldn't worry about the lack of motivation or energy either. Just realize that the upheaval in your life is very energy-draining. Give your body and your mind permission to take all the time it needs to heal and adjust to life on the outside of the borg ... okay?

  You are gonna be okay.

  You are loved and cared for here.

  ESTEE
• 

  Euphemism

  Been there, often am there. In fact, I've decided that I don't want to go back to school yet, at least for a year or two, because I think I would probably have that problem.

  The book that Minimus recommended sounds interesting; I'm going to try to find it. I'd say two things, however.

  1. Growing up a JW often does weird things to you. Also, people who are attracted to the JWs are often screwed up in other ways too. (My parents, both very wonderful and loving people, were also heavily codependent, in different ways.) You also--I gather--experienced something else I can relate to... growing up feeling different and separate from everyone because of your intelligence and way of thinking. If you haven't addressed those issues, they may be affecting you in ways that you don't realize. It may be wise to see a counselor, or at least try a couple of self-help books. Two that I personally found helpful were Healing the Addictive Mind and Love is a Choice. YMMV, of course.

  2. Try to make time for reflection. If you can take a semester off, do it. If you can travel into the country during winter break, do it. Spend time in nature... it's wonderful for helping you get in touch with your feelings. (Yes, I'm an INFJ.)

  And yes, I lied. I actually have a third suggestion.

  3. Set aside time to take care of your needs. If you can set aside a whole day, that would be wonderful; but at least set aside an afternoon or an evening, every week. This is a time when you won't study, won't work, won't socialize. Go somewhere outside your normal environment; somewhere that makes you feel relaxed and reflective. You can spend the time reading, writing, drawing, listening to music... whatever works for you. It will be a time when you can relax without feeling guilty for not doing what you should be doing; and it will make it easier to concentrate on what you have to do the rest of time.

  Anyway, those are my thoughts. I hope at least some of that is helpful!
• 

  MegaDude

  First, don't be so sure you have ADD. You may or you very definitely may not have it. High anxiety can cause many of the same symptoms of ADD with added depression. High emotion can can screw up your ability to even walk in a straight line.

  I had very bad depression when I left the Watchtower. Sometimes it was so deep a hole I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get out of it. As time has passed, I have gotten gradually more happier and more motivated.

  I think it has taken me years to heal from a cruel religion which encouraged me not to be motivated about anything in this life except selling magazines for an indifferent man-made cult. Especially the fear of being slaughtered by Jehovah for some minor infraction. Let's get real. I heard that message many hours every week since I was a little boy. That kind of neural programming, along with such goodies as "You are full of sin," "You'll be slaughtered by God if you aren't loyal to us" don't go away for everybody just because you realize the JWs have too much wrong with them for you to be a part of anymore.

  Each passing year I get happier. Each passing year I am more at peace. Each passing year I know who I am better and what I want. I can be more loving, and let people love me. I can pursue my passions without guilt. I am more successful in my career, I do my job better. I enjoy life more.

  It saddens and angers me sometimes that it has taken me so long to get where I am at, and in some ways I feel I have a long way to go but gradually I am beginning to make peace with the fact that the cliche is true: It is a journey.
• 

  unique1

  Try Yoga, that combines your exercise and meditation. You may also want to look at your diet. Eating too many sugars or drinking too much caffine can really make you lethargic when you crash. Look up energy foods on the Web and try incorporating them into your life. Glad the depression is over, but being unorganized is something we all deal with. We all have bouts with lack of motivation as well. Like I get home I am tired, I don't want to clean the kitchen but it is nasty, so I tell myself ok, you can rest but only if you clean during the commercials. It seems to work for me. Find some kind of medium.

  Best Wishes.
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  Sassy

  My son had ADD and so did my ex husband. My bf says he has it to some degree but so far I don't see 'alot' of symptoms. Reading yours, I am not so sure that you do have it, but then just reading words and not spending time with you to see visual 'behavior' makes it hard to know from here. I've been researching the disease long before they put a name on it. I knew my son had something when he was in the crib and went to dr after dr to find answers. Eventually they came up with a name and my son was diagnosed eventually. However at first they just put him on ritalyn and it only made him more hyper so they said he wasn't ADD. Time and other drs later agreed with me and he was fnally diagnosed. Fortunately time has taught the medical profession that there are no blanket answers for ADD. What helps one person might not help another. My son has been on several meds. Wellbutrin worked well except you can't drink with it. Mixing alcohol with this med can put one into a coma!! But for a young child that wasn't a problem. I see the new meds out there in advertisements showing happy 'normal' families which excites me for people dealing with ADD (guess any commercial showing 'normal happy families would do that) and saying there is hope today like never before. I really hope so. At any rate, what I was meaning to get to, was that a lot of people can be labeled as ADD and truly are not. Advice to see a dr already commented on above and have it looked into is wise.

  Whatever your causes, I hope you find your answers.
• 

  core

  Not sure of your age bracket but you describe most of those of college/university age I know - is a lack of purpose involved - no, not 'religious', but personal - what is your motivation for studying, is it personal need, necessity, desire to learn, career planning or whatever

  Sadly also your symptoms describe many I know who have left the "mother" organisation with its micro-management allowing no space for free choice. Yes - some do leave and go of positively recharged - but some have had so much kicked out of them it hurts for a long time.

  One thing I did learn from leaving the WT - nothing is "normal" or "right" for everyone - are you trying to compare yourself to how others cope/plan/work ? Only positive advice I can offer is NEVER to read Self Help books as they invariably make one feel worse. Be yourself - are you the real you - or is it someone else? Can you change ? Why should you and do you want to? Some of greatest achievers in life have manifested your current symptoms.

  For myself I understand deep depression well and wish you to be happy content in whatever way you progress - lots of us thinking of you Regards
• 

  JamesThomas

  Great post Bradley. You eloquently and openly expressed what many us are going through. My sense is there are two ways of looking at this: the neurochemical/physiological/psychological/ phenomenal -- and for lack of a better phrase, the spiritual (of which, not surprisingly, SaintSatan mentioned, but was so far ignored). On one level, the physical, there may very well be past events (e.g. being a JW, which would have given even Jesus suicidal depression) and chemical imbalances. On another level there can be a dispassion, a painful ache, that is telling us there is a deeper Truth to things, and that existence is more than what it seems. So, I guess my advice is do what you feel you need to do to feel well and have energy; at the same time do no forsake the silent ache to look deeper. j
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  Singing Man

  Sometimes a change of location can help, a vacation from it all, a new hobbie, socializing helps a great deal with me.
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  kls

  i would like you to try one thing for a while.stop reading those books.i dont mean all books but the deep thinking mind exploring ones.you seem to me to have a very curious mind that needs info.i am not saying i know what is causing your problem but try reading something humerous or a great fantasy.i will say i have a sister in some what of the situation and found it was the books she was reading and the way she was taking the info. she was reading.what have you to loose give it a try. kls