Excuse my "sympathy post", but I could use some help

by logansrun 40 Replies latest jw friends

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  MegaDude

  Logan R.,

  I think your post could hardly be called "a bitch post." Rather, you are seeking to understand who you are now that you're not a JW. I think your real interest right now, conscious or subconscious, is to understand your new reality rather than college. You had a set reality that the Watchtower gave you, which defined pretty much what your identity was. Now that's shot to hell. You may find you have an irresistable urge to replace what you lost with a similar concrete reality and identity. But what to choose? There's a vast selection to choose from outside the rigid mental confines of the JW world. How can you choose wisely without sampling everything that is offered out there.

  That's my opinion, but your above post describes me to a T when I was first coming out of the JWs.
• 

  Odrade

  ((((Bradley)))) read up on anxiety disorder too. Most people think it means just panic attacks, but one of the major symptoms is procratination or avoidance of things (including tasks) that you are anxious about. Many people with this type of depression will go to great lengths to occupy their time with other matters, so they don't have to deal with necessities or obligations.

  I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you figure it out.

  Odrade
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  logansrun

  First, thanks to all who have contributed to this thread. Warms the heart, really

  Some thoughts:

  Big Tex:

  Yes, the doctor I saw was/is a psychiatrist. At first we didn't discuss the JW thing but eventually did once I left last summer.

  I don't have any sort of second thoughts whatsoever as to Jehovah "killing me" or all that. I laugh those things off and can debate that subject with the GB if I had to. In short, not a problem.

  And, I don't necessarily feel "depressed." I'm actually a pretty positive person by nature and am quite level-headed. My problem is more motivational -- learning to focus, organize, think clearly, do things I don't want to do. It's a humungous problem.

  Paxil immediately helped me when I was as depressed as Nietzsche on a bad day a couple years ago. The only side effects were that it made me sleepy and I couldn't "get it up" (no wise cracks ladies). Effexor was MUCH BETTER. All the same, I prefer no meds.

  Megadude:

  Your comments in particular were very interesting. I think you've nailed it on the head -- my main concern is what I believe right now, developing my Weltenschuung rather than that test for Chemistry tomorrow! Also there is the whole "I want to experience life" sort of thing. School is not as important as it once was. It's all flux right now. Not sure where it's all going.

  Bradley
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  logansrun

  Odrade,

  Many people with this type of depression will go to great lengths to occupy their time with other matters, so they don't have to deal with necessities or obligations.

  That sentence sums it up pretty well.

  B.
• 

  minimus

  Check out a book---"Adult ADD" by Whiteman & Novotini
• 

  Swan

  (((Bradley!)))

  Make an appointment with your doctor today. It could be that the last change in medication was not the right one for you.

  Tammy
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  logansrun

  Minimus,

  You are a man of few words . There's something to be said for that.

  Swan,

  I know you are looking at a causal connection between the change in meds and this post. I thought of that too. The thing is this: I've pretty much felt this way, to some extent, since the 2nd grade. Especially in the last three months, though -- before the change in meds.

  Other than that, no side effects.

  B.
• 

  SixofNine

• almost an absolute and total lack of motivation
• mild depression
• disorginization

Since I've described myself in those exact terms, I can relate very much. After struggling with and reflecting on this for years, I think that all of the above are very likely part and parcel of the same brain chemistry glitches. And I do think it is a brain chemistry glitch. Is it ADD in the classic definition? Who knows, but it's a problem. The depression is easier to find people who will take you seriously, but are you depressed because you feel inefective due to disorganization? Who knows, I think they likely all tie together.

Leaving the JW's got me out of the depression, and now I don't get so down about not being as motivated as I should be and being so disorganized. I'm recently on Adderall, and it's weird.... it isn't a miracle drug, turning me into a male martha stewart, but it does put me in a very optimistic place, and it does help me focus. I think to some degree, I now just have to overcome the bad coping habits I've built up to deal with it all for so many years. I still don't find what seems like the appropriate satisfaction from things, even when those things tap into talents I have that others would love to have. lol, I'd love to just have some organizational skills.

Odrades comments above resonated with my situation as well.

Also, what you describe as "mild" depression, isn't mild at all if it makes you feel like you're going crazy. Sometimes we resist being up front with ourselves about depression.