In my year and a half as a member of a couple ex-JW forums I have seen what I perceive to be a massive error on both my part and the part of others. The mistake is this: judgeing someone simply from their on-line personality and statements. I see it time and time again.
Does anyone really think that you can know someone from a few words on a screen posted, generally, in an anonymous fashion? Really know someone -- to the point of making a judgment of their character? Most of the time this is simply shortsighted and impossible.
All too often we make hasty generalizations about the personality, morality and intelligence of those that post things on this forum. I was viewing the "topic history" of a long-time member recently and viewed their initial post. It was a thoughtful, albeit slightly unusual introduction. One person dubbed this person a liar and a "troll." A hasty generalization for the "troll" turned out to be a very valuable member of this forum whose posts now number into the thousands. In fact, they are now a forum moderator and are quite well respected here.
Ah the words we would like to take back! Moral: give people the benefit of the doubt. Just because someone posts something that we perceive to be unintelligent or sophomoric does not mean that that is a true indication of their character. I made a judgement about someone on this forum myself and thought they were rather unintelligent and weak-minded about certain topics. The truth turned out to be just the opposite.
I just would hate for it to be said of me: "In terms of logic and argumentation: A+; in terms of the way he treated people: F."
The old kitchen table advice -- "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it." Let me qualify that statement: "if you don't have something nice to say about someone, don't say it." I think it is a great service to us all to debate and discuss issues and topics which are controversial. By necessity these discussions will require some "not so nice" statements to be said about an issue/topic. Lets just stick to the issues and not necessarily make a connection between what someone says and who they are. It is possible to disagree, even strongly, with someone and not let what you find disagreeable in that person define the totality of their character. (Of course, if someone says some really offensive things like "your wife is fat and ugly" then I think it is entirely appropriate to judge that person in terms of their present moment very over-the-top statements. Even then, people can change.)
On a related note: the best argumentation I have seen (not necessarily here) is done by those who can deconstruct a situation or idea without making value judgements. It is a sign of greater maturity and intelligence.
Don't judge. If you do, judge lightly and positively. It's really that simple.
Bradley of the "I hope I can follow my own advice!" class
*Edited to add:
Yet another reason to "be nice" to people and avoid hostility and harshness is that it is a scientific, empirical fact that such emotions only cause the person exhibiting them mental and emotional harm. Quite literally you are hurting yourself in acting in such a manner. If your aim is to die younger and get more depressed, by all means be harsh, judgmental and engage in plenty of attacks! I prefer an opposite route.