Lay and JT,
Great posts. Got me thinking. Thanks.
Con
"Worldy" girfriend or JW girlfriend... Help me choose...
by Confucious 80 Replies latest jw friends
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laylaluv
Anytime Confu!!!
-Laylaluv
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imallgrowedup
Confu -
I have another couple of thoughts on this subject that I thought might strike a chord with you. First of all though, I want you to know I admire the fact that you could put a question out like this. You are tougher than me; I couldn't put myself out there like that.
In reference to the previous poster who asked you why you were asking a bunch of former JW's their opinion, I have two possible answers. The first relates to the popular opinion that you already have your mind made up. I think you know the wrong choice is the JW, and you subconciously want all of us to give you a reason to follow the right path, rather than the one it is obvious you have already chosen. The problem is, (again, not trying to diss you), that because at this point in your life you value looks and the envy of your buddies more than you do taking the time to really think about who this girl is and what a life with this girl would be like, you are having trouble "jumping off the wrong track".
My other thought is that perhaps you thought other guys in here would tell you to "go for the babe", maybe even tell you how lucky you are to have a choice like the one you are facing. I don't think you expected to find out that all men do not think like you do, or the backlash you are getting from both genders suggesting that your self-admitted shallowness is not necessarily acceptable - even by the worst of the worst - the apostates!
I stand by my personal and humble assertion that you are not ready for any type of a relationship whatsoever. You'll know know you are ready to meet the right person, or that you have found the right person if you can answer "yes" to all of the following: Do YOU want to be seen as more than a hunk with a huge bank account? Do YOU think you have plenty of room for personal, intellectual, emotional and spiritual growth? Can YOU see yourself with this person and not think about how your buddies will see you with this person, either in a negative or positive light? If you can't answer "yes" to all three of these questions (and probably more I haven't even thought of), you're not ready to make a decision to marry someone!
I think you need to get out there and date a bunch of women until you find one that makes your socks roll up and down all by themselves - because she loves to do the same things you do, is intelligent, knows just what to say and/or do to make you feel like you are more than a bankroll with muscles and gleaming white teeth, and has qualities that you admire - which in turn, inspire you to be a better person! If she also looks good, it's just a bonus! When you can realize that looks are supporting factors in choosing women, not primary factors, you're well on your way to finding a relationship that will last and will have a positive effect on you. Don't set yourself or a relationship up for failure by valuing the temporary.
imallgrowedup
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Confucious
Lay and All grown up...
This thread really made me think alot.
This is my conclusion of the matter.
I probably think too much about what others think about who I'm with. That is true.
While there is no thrill for me to brag on a BB on my conquest with women, I do like being seen with beautiful women.
So that is how I am.
But one thing about me, is that I get real offended when people say stuff about me that isn't true.
Things such as "you're on an ego trip or whatever." Allgrown and Lay didn't say that.
They have given me real things to think about.
I'm open to people's honest suggestions.
That was one of my core reasons for my success. I'm willing to listen to other people's opinions.
What I get real fussy about is hypocrites and people who question my motives and or call me shallow.
How honest have I've been here?
I'm the first to admit that I LOVE women. I love beautiful women.
People here who read this. The one's that came down really hard and judgemental on me - and I shut you guys up.
You haven't posted back.
But some people here like Allgrown and Lay gave me some real things to think about.
The two things I've learned is I'm probably not ready for marriage in any way or form.
I've also learned that, being with a JW girl - is heavy baggage. I'm thinking of family problems and so forth.
Anyone else, you have proved no different that the people in the organization that you dispised.
We are all here because we are all product of an organization that was so hurtful and so judgemental that we needed to escape.
You though, have held on to the very fiber of what you yourself say you dispise. Being judgemental.
If you say, I'm immature or I need to grow up - fine.
But to stand on your soap box and preach love and morality - YOUR own words convict you. You are totally moral? You have never done anything that was selfish or HURT other people's lives somehow???
How do you judge me now? I admit to all my flaws.
I do need to grow up. I haven't learned the meaning of true love.
Step a moment into my shoes.
That is why I have the upmost respect for Jesus. Everything was offered to him and he refused.
Things are offered to me and I've taken.
But you, judgemental ones - you are hypocritical. You dispise being judged, yet you keep on judging.
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SLOAN
Do what makes you HAPPY Confu!!! Good luck!!
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Maverick
I am impressed that you, for the most part, took the lambasting you got quite well. I am in a similar situation, as to relationships. And trying to work my way out of it. Just think of this. The very things that were said that bothered you are the things you are having trouble dealing with. I was not trying to hurt you. But in my life my close friends will slap me around when I'm being stupid. I get mad, but after a while, I come around. As to your attitude, it's the age you are, not you personally. I wish you well or I would have never replied in the first place.
And I stand by what I said in my first post. Maverick
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Confucious
Thanks Sloan - cheers.
Maverick,
Thanks as well. For your first and second posts...
No offense taken with you.
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GentlyFeral
You may say I'm full of myself, but I wasn't born with money and I got off my ass and made something of myself.
<Applause> -- but you're still full of yourself. We haven't heard a word about these two women's personalities -- we don't even know if you are aware of their personalities. It's all about you. I am glad you're thinking over Layla's, growedup's, and JT's posts.
Why is it so wrong to like beautiful women?
It ain't -- I like the ladies myself -- but you don't seem to see anything else but physical beauty.
And when you have sex with your husband, no fantasies of other guys pop into your head? Ever???
Sure, confucious, I have sexual fantasies about other people. I've even acted on some of them -- with my husband's permission.
But, dammit, I DON'T post on a db in front of thousands of total strangers, asking if I should LEAVE my husband for a younger, prettier piece of tail.
What I get real fussy about is hypocrites and people who question my motives and or call me shallow.
Well, you haven't given me any reason to think different, at least on this issue -- and tell me, where have I been hypocritical?
But to stand on your soap box and preach love and morality - YOUR own words convict you. You are totally moral? You have never done anything that was selfish or HURT other people's lives somehow???
When did any of us ever say that? You were just proposing to do something that most of us learned to be wary of about the time we learned to come in out of the rain.
GentlyFeral
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JT
hey man
not trying to dog you , but at this point in your life it is very confusing esp as one is on the way out of wt and trying to rethink the way we were taught, but take your time man and you will find that special lady and you will be glad you took a step back and reexamined the landscape
take care and i wish you well
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imallgrowedup
Confu -
It's a big man who can admit that perhaps he has some more personal growing to do. I think you're going to make it!
growedup