My turn to ask some questions

by Lady Lee 62 Replies latest jw friends

ESTEE
When you first came here what did you expect? A source of support as an ex jw. I was lonely and wanted to connect with people like myself. I felt very ungrounded when I was first df'd ... like someone had kicked the stool out from under me ... darn jws and their mind control!!!

What were you looking for? Support and new friends who were kinda like meee...'cuz they understood where I was coming from ... because they were coming from the same background.

Did you find it and if so how? Yes, I find a lot of support here. Like SFJ says...many friendly folks (and a few nutballs, too!)

If you were looking for information how did you look for it -
ask a question? yes, I started a few threads
wander through the threads? yes, lots of wandering through threads
use the search utility? yes, not a lot though
other? A friend of mine showed me how to use the Active Topics.

Where there other places that helped you find what you were looking for? If so where?

I used Tim's Chat Room, Larry's Chat Room ... can't find them any more.

I also signed up on two New Age Forums, they both went wonky on me and I resigned from them.
How did you feel coming here at first? I was really scared ... I was still buying into the jw Apostate brainwash..Shite!

How long did you read before signing up and posting? Several months of lurking.

What made you feel safe enough to post that first time? I was with a friend of mine, and finally felt brave enough to post. Also I was pissed off at something and felt angry enough to post about the issue, 'cuz I wanted some collective support.

If you came across some of the flaming on here, how did you feel and what convinced you to stay? I figure I don't have to get involved with someone else's issues. I don't let them affect me. I ignore the flaming, even if someone is flaming me, I don't let myself get drawn in. I remember it is their issue(s), and in fact it is none of my business what someone else thinks about me.
If you have been here for a while now
How do you feel over-all about this website? I value this website and forum very much. I feel a sense of community here, which is very important to me, since that is something the dubs attempted to remove from me. I feel grateful to Simon and Angharad and all the moderators and forum assistants for all their hard work.
Do you still come here for the same reasons as you came in the beginning? Yes, continued support.
How has the board changed? Lots more people, which is wonderful. It feels great knowing that other people are escaping from the dub brainwash and rebuilding their lives. I'd be curious to know some actual statistics/numbers.
How does this affect you? I'm just happy knowing people are making good their escape from the cult.
Have you thought of leaving? If yes then why stay? What keeps you coming back? I think about it sometimes and have missed days of threads at a time and probably will never catch up. It's okay though, because it means I am integrating myself into a more normal life without flashing back to the dub brainwash. I feel like leaving/being evicted from the dubs leaves a person with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which takes years of therapy and re-integration into a normal life, and a lot of bouncing around before grounding oneself into a semblance of normalcy. I keep coming back now because I guess I am still in the process of healing. It is a process. In time I will be able to leave for good, making only guest appearances ... ocassionally.
What do you see as the main goal for this board? The goal of this board, IMHO is for the purposes of support and healing while we are learning to integrate ourselves into a normal life and heal from the ravages of the jw cult-isms.
Thanks so much Lady Lee!!! I'm more than a little curious about your information gathering.
ESTEE
Dansk
When you first came here what did you expect? I didn't know what to expect!

What were you looking for? A listening ear from people who might understand what I was going through..

Did you find it and if so how? Yes - and a whole lot more! People here have been empathetic, sympathetic, kind and wise.

If you were looking for information how did you look for it -
ask a question? Yes
wander through the threads? Yes
use the search utility? Yes
other? Yes

Where there other places that helped you find what you were looking for? If so where? Randy Watters' site and others of a similar nature

How did you feel coming here at first? Some initial trepidation.

How long did you read before signing up and posting? The first post I read had the 'F' word and that put me off. ISP advised I try again.

What made you feel safe enough to post that first time? I knew some of the posters here.

If you came across some of the flaming on here, how did you feel and what convinced you to stay? I ignored it as better posts were always available.
If you have been here for a while now
How do you feel over-all about this website? Can't praise it enough. It helped my wife and I heal and we've made lasting friendships.
Do you still come here for the same reasons as you came in the beginning? No - but someone always presents a gem of advice.
How has the board changed? Some of my favourite posters have disappeared. Otherwise, it's business as usual.
How does this affect you? It doesn't.
Have you thought of leaving? If yes then why stay? What keeps you coming back? I've felt like permanently leaving many times - but then I think of the help given to me when I first came. It's only right that I should try and help others.
What do you see as the main goal for this board? Helping exJWs heal, providing the truth about Watchtower and uniting us all.
Lady Lee

bttt
Prisca
When you first came here what did you expect?

What were you looking for?
I came here when Witnesses.net closed. I was looking for another place to hang out at.
Did you find it and if so how?
I was told about it, but told that "apostates" hung out there (gasp horror). At this stage I was already out myself, so I didn't care.
If you were looking for information how did you look for it -
ask a question?
wander through the threads?
use the search utility?
other?
All the above.
Where there other places that helped you find what you were looking for? If so where?
Freeminds.org. The best ex-jw site on the internet.
How did you feel coming here at first?
Relief to find a new place to post.
How long did you read before signing up and posting?
About a day or two.
What made you feel safe enough to post that first time?
Wasn't worried about safety. More looking for a place where "apostates" could hang out. I knew about (even posted on) H20 but didn't like the atmosphere.
If you came across some of the flaming on here, how did you feel and what convinced you to stay?
People argue in real life. At times I felt like leaving because of the flaming directed towards me, but I stayed because I'm stubborn and didn't want to let the idiots win.
Also because I felt I could help others by staying.
If you have been here for a while now
How do you feel over-all about this website?
It's changed over the 3 years I've been here, and will continue to evolve.
Do you still come here for the same reasons as you came in the beginning?
No
How has the board changed?
It changes according to the personalities posting here, as well as however Simon wants the board to be at the time.
How does this affect you?
I'm not always in agreement with what goes on here but it doesn't matter what I think.
Have you thought of leaving? If yes then why stay? What keeps you coming back?
Lots of times. Mainly because I was sick of the flame wars and being attacked for anything I said. I just stuck it out (like you have to with many things in life) and the flames died down.
Now, I have other interests in my real life, so this board is less of a priority for me. I come back because of curiosity more than anything else.
What do you see as the main goal for this board?
Whatever Simon sees as being important at the time. At the moment, a place for doubting JWs and newly-exited Dubs to come and post.
Simon

however Simon wants the board to be at the time
Whatever Simon sees as being important at the time
Prisca. I don't appreciate the snide digs. I'd appreciate you not making them as I have asked you in the past.
Prisca

What snide digs? I honestly wasn't making any snide digs, sheesh!
Simon, you are in charge of this board, and you have implemented changes over the course of time as you see fit. Sometimes you've allowed things on this forum, other times you've not allowed them. You are in charge, so whatever you says goes. eg. A year or so ago you said that NO ONE was to discuss or even mention JWO on this site ever. Now it's the latest topic of discussion.
Backflip or change according to circumstances? I go for the latter.
This board changes, and part of the reason for those changes is because of what you allow on this board.
I know it's a time of turmoil at the moment, but no offense was intended, ok?
Simon

ok, thanks and I apologise. As you know, the forum is something I put a lot of effort into and I have always tried to make it a friendly, welcoming place for people. The fact that it's sometimes been a difficult (impossible?) job does not mean that I change how I want it to be.
franklin J

Lady Lee
I came to this Forum by accident one afternoon when I was bored at work. I was running out of topics to type into the search engine on my office computer. I stumbled in this website and was skeptical what I would find .
I have not been a JW for some 20 odd years. It was a very painful time for me while I broke away---it was not easy. Back in the early 80s there were no support groups like this forum available ( at least none that I knew of).
Although I have successfully and securely built a new life for myself, I have never encountered any other X JWs along the way. I entered this website out of curiousity. When I realized it was all people from across the globe who all shared the same experiences as me I was very excited ; mainly to see so many people reaching out. As I read the posts and related to so many, I decided that after all these years, there was much that I could offer in terms of encouragement and support, and that my experiences were not so different from others. The fog lifted for me many years ago and my negative experiences from being raised a JW are in my past. So for me, I can emotionaly afford to take such a secure "distanced" position.
Although I am still fairly new to this forum, I feel a certain kinship to the people who post here. We have all shared such a unique experience, I do believe that we encourage each other. Will I continue to post here? I do not know. As a rule, I do not post at any other forums; or enter chat rooms. Having 3 small children and a full time job keeps me busy. But I have come to feel very much among friends here( no pun intended), and am enjoying the camaraderie that this forum connection brings.
regards, Frank
Euphemism
When I first came here, I was a Dub spy. I was looking for people who might have infiltrated the active JW sites. I found, however, that there was interesting information about Witness history, hidden directives to elders, and other tidbits. So I would browse around ccasionally, even though I felt horribly guilty for doing so.
As I started to drift away from the Witnesses, I began participating at a couple of Christian ex-Witness sites. I would lurk here, but the WTS-bashing (and Christian-bashing) still scared me.
It was after I read Crisis of Conscience, and decided to make a clean break from the organization, that I finally started posting here.
If you came across some of the flaming on here, how did you feel and what convinced you to stay?
At first, I just accepted the flaming as a matter of course. These are disgusting apostates... of course they're going to act that way.
As I began to see that plenty of "apostates" were actually very reasonable, intelligent people, the flaming disturbed me more, especially when it was directed at the people--friends of mine--who maintained sites for active JWs.
How do you feel over-all about this website?
It's my biggest online time-sink. I love it.
How has the board changed?
It seems to have become more social than it used to be... less serious discussions. That may just be my impression, however.
Also, over the last few months, moderation policies seem to have become stricter.
How does this affect you?
Well as far as moderation, I have to try and watch myself to make sure I don't curse. And it's hard to know sometimes whether it's okay to make a risque pun or something like that. The limits seem to be constantly changing, and I wish they were marked out a little more clearly.
Have you thought of leaving? If yes then why stay? What keeps you coming back?
Nope. I think the board's great, and I don't intend to leave for the forseeable future.
What do you see as the main goal for this board?
Whatever Simon wants it to be. And I don't mean that snidely... I think he has the right to choose what the focus will be, just as all of us here have the right to leave if we don't like it.
But personally, I see the board primarily as a place where ex-Witnesses can socialize, get emotional support, and exchange information about the WTS. I can see a place for more strictly moderated boards, which might be more palatable to doubting Witnesses or ones who've just left; but I think that committed exes need a place to serve our needs, and I hope that JWD remains as that place.
Prisca

No worries Simon. So when are you bringing your family Down Under for a Aussie holiday?
*Simon wails "no more travelling" and hides inside the nearest suitcase*
Posters like Waiting and other "old-timers" (in terms of length of time on this board, not age) have likened the board to once being like a coffee-shop because that is what it used to be like. The same regulars, having polite chat and a laugh, with an intimacy that small places naturally develop.
Now the coffee shop has developed into a sprawling restaurant, catering for many different types of customers. Everyone demands attention, and they all have different needs. Some want to sit in the corner and have a quiet conversation over coffee. Others are ready to party. Most just want a meal with some cool music in the background, enjoying the company of their friends.
This place changes, evolves. Simon, as the restuarant proprietor, does his best to cater for those that come into his restaurant. Not every one is happy with the service. Some walk out in complaint. Others have been asked to leave. Simon tries to get a happy medium in order to not let things get out of control, so that the majority of people are able to enjoy the restaurant.
Maybe in a years' time Simon will turn this restaurant into a jazz bar. Or maybe back into a coffee shop again. Or maybe he will keep things the way they already are.

My turn to ask some questions

Share this