My turn to ask some questions

by Lady Lee 62 Replies latest jw friends

Phantom Stranger
When you first came here what did you expect? What were you looking for? I was doing online research after reading Jehovah's Witnesses - Portrait of a Contemporary Religions Movement, by Andrew Holden.

If you were looking for information how did you look for it -
ask a question?
wander through the threads?
use the search utility?
other?
How did you feel coming here at first? I was full of trepidation - I did not like the tenor of many of the posts, and felt that there was little benefit in joining the fray. I had been out for well over a decade, and felt no need to identify myself as a former JW.

How long did you read before signing up and posting? I stopped by a few times over about a year - then I joined in (under another name) on a thread about mind control, because I felt strongly (and still do) about the topic, and how many use it to insulate themselves from their own past actions.

What made you feel safe enough to post that first time? Safety was not an issue.

If you came across some of the flaming on here, how did you feel and what convinced you to stay? I found the flaming to be a waste of time, as I do on every board I've ever been on. I've served as resident expert on some boards, and I stopped doing that because of the incredible time wasting that goes on when people are more committed to being right than they are to making a difference and getting something positive accomplished. I have stayed around mostly because of some encouraging PM's I've received about my posts and my "come-from", and because as a writer this is a great venue to state what matters to me and what I believe, and possibly assist another human at a time of need. I would not have come to this position on my own, but those who have PM'd have given me a new outlook on posting here. Of course, the recent dumbass-diaspora has helped.
If you have been here for a while now
How do you feel over-all about this website? A positive support for many, a potential escape for real life for some, a replacement for a real life for an unfortunate few.
Do you still come here for the same reasons as you came in the beginning? No.
How has the board changed? Recently got a lot more civil - glad someone created a kiddie pool elsewhere.
How does this affect you? Well, I stayed.
Have you thought of leaving? If yes then why stay? What keeps you coming back? See above. I do suspect that for many who use it as a support, it's easier to outgrow than it is to leave.
What do you see as the main goal for this board? Well, it's not a community in that sense - it belongs to a private individual. If you're asking me what I think Simon's goal is, I don't know.
marriedtodamob

My story is very close to "jgnat". Almost exact. For this reason, I have not really felt much of a freedom to participate because I am NOT an ex-JW. I have found that if you are NOT an ex-JW, you are basically ignored. However, I have read so much good info on this site it has been well worth visiting time and again. I have tended to be overwhelmed by a lot of the info here, as it is all pretty new and downright scarry to me. But I would rather be informed than ignorant any day. I have come to realise that my second marriage of only three years to my "almost reinstated" husband is most likely going to end. It is very sad and depressing to me that this organisation destroys so many individuals and families. I appreciate all who HAVE taken the time to respond to me, and the few who welcomed me. I will be leaving soon because I know enough now of what the future holds for me and my son, and to keep returning is just too overwhelming for me. I am very appreciative that this site is here, and will highly recommend it to anyone who has an interest.
mobbie
onacruse

((mobbie))
I was just working this last week over in Corn-town
Please give Kate and me a call; you face some hard times, and we'd be glad to support you in any way we can.
Craig
core

When I discovered this site I was having serious doubts re the Truth - what I read here and in print helped me see the real truth of the picture
What I do note is that this board has a personality but it keeps changing - no fault of anyone - the reflection of the posters makes the personality. Is the personality Simons - I dont think so - he only has 24 hours in a day anyway
Lots of references to people hurting others surprises me - why leave the truth to do that - just stay in and carry on as normal.
As an entity this site is private property - again no problem with that - I was disappointed when, looking at the members directory, some member names are specific insults to Simon (or crude wording added to his name) - now I have never met Simon but would ask a couple of questions - if you are not happy why stay? as the board has no "constitution" or rules of governance (yes I know there are some posting guidelines/rules) which anyone can appeal to to overturn any view/comment/decision of Simon or a moderator why do some view the site as "their" p[roperty.
Most of Simons attempts at good management strike me as common sense but life has told me that is in short supply. From time to time Simon does appear to react rapidly and with a mans cold logic and blunt response can be seen to be dismissive, even rude - (I would hate to have to email him in the workplace!) but that should be put down to the pressures on him from work, time, family, the board etc. He owns the show - we have never had elections for "elders" here - I trust his basic common sense although (like me) he can react too quickly and over-react or appear cold and logical - what man doesnt?
Does this mean I will leave - No - I think it is time to move on - many here seem to have stopped putting their lives on mortgage to the WTBTS but now put all (or far more than I can imagine) of their efforst into this and other sites - where does the time come from?
Financially this site must cost something to run - I know that ads pay something - not everything - I have never seen/read/or heard of any appeal for money here so must compliment those involved on this - as a non-contributor (I imagine that is most of us) we have no ownership and cannot quibble if those investing time and money to keep the show going make decisions we may have issue with.
This site is a collection of individuals with some common "heritage" and with no common goal as I can see - we all escaped but are not working as a group to co-ordinate the rescue of others - not that I think we should - its a fact that we are all here we different agendas and skills. What is common is the emotional hurt, distress and loss the Truth has marked us with - permanent scars which i think are responsible for much of the occassional rancour seen here. Accept others as victims also - reach down into the ditch to help them up and out. So easy to push them back as the WT is so expert at. Ask yourself - who have I helped today ? How have my actions helped me personally in my journey to healing?
Dansk and others have used beautiful language in posts here to describe the situations many of us know. I know of no other place where such could be seen and appreciated by so many and must say they have assisted me greatly. Humour has played its part and I aait keenly a post from Runningman on any topic/
Who could go through another day without Minimus Daily Text based on Who, Why.When,Where & How?
I have looked at Silentlambs and have every sympathy with the aims they promote, but cannot agree with some of the methods involving personality abuse. Each judges for themselves - I dont want to make judgement in public but my style is not the style they promote (please dont tell me about abuse - I could repulse you with details from personal experience but do not want to add to the existing hurt of so many)
I have read here of some called "drama queens" - so what if they are (and who is to decide that?) all life is variety and if dull conformity is what we want we all know where to get that in truckloads. Please - differences do not make enemies - debate does not reveal enmity, opposition to a view does not make one an opposer. What this site has provided (to the extent I am capable of judging) is a free environment for many damaged ones to turn to for help, or just to express themselves. May it ever be so.
Sadly of late some of what I have seen here reminds me of my wasted years in the WT - politics, backbiting, playing on emotion -
Having seen the UK Armistice Celebrations and noted the huge diversity of people represented and laying wreaths brought to mind a key issue here - we are all diverse in background, ethnic origin, education, lifestyle - we should benefit from that huge reservoir of varied talent - in the Truth we claimed to have that but it was not so - let us celebrate here the diversity without creating distinctions or favourites (because every favourite breeds some lessser soul who is oushed aside. It is a great privilege for me to be able to tap into the skills of this diversity
As my life moves on I have less time to come here but must for now thank all those (many who I have PMd) for their help & support - we are all walking wounded - please do not add to the injuries on anyone here by abrasive, rash or sharp "clever" responses
I (and many of you) have so much to catch up on outside in the real world and, thanks to this site, we are now able to cautiously map out new lives for ourselves, with new horizons and hopes. Many Thanks to you all - Will drop in for tea sometime!
Simon

JW Timeline - is this being maintained by an active Witness?

LOL, definitely NO ... that's my 'other site'
Actually, I haven't updated it for some time but would like to integrate it into the forum so that important news and events (like the UN, silentlambs etc...) would appear and could be traced through it with links back to the news articles and discussions.
Most of Simons attempts at good management strike me as common sense but life has told me that is in short supply. From time to time Simon does appear to react rapidly and with a mans cold logic and blunt response can be seen to be dismissive, even rude - (I would hate to have to email him in the workplace!) but that should be put down to the pressures on him from work, time, family, the board etc. He owns the show - we have never had elections for "elders" here - I trust his basic common sense although (like me) he can react too quickly and over-react or appear cold and logical - what man doesnt?
core ... I think you have made a pretty good description of me that I would own up to ... I am blunt, insensitive, oblivious and quite impatient - I'm not really a 'people person' and it's something I find difficult. While I like to think I'm cold and logical (really, I do ... it's the programmer in me) I'm more likely to be putting on a front if I appear that way as I normally get quite emotional about things.
stillajwexelder

What I do note is that this board has a personality but it keeps changing - no fault of anyone - the reflection of the posters makes the personality. Is the personality Simons - I dont think so - he only has 24 hours in a day anyway
I have noticed it (this board) has changed in the last 3 or 4 weeks -- this must be so -- change is a constant -- new people join and others leave -- so yes the personality changes. BTW I noticed this on Bodies of Elders -- as older elders die and other elders resign or move congregations and new elders get appointed the personality of the BOE changes and with it the congregation they are supposed to serve.
I am thinking of starting a thread on this unless minimus beats me to it.
Lady Lee
ummm excuse me Simon I know that there was the blank page when you got here but I would be interested in some of your replies to some of the answers.
How about these:
How do you feel over-all about this website?
What were you thinking would happen here when you first set it up?
Is the site what you thought it would become when you set it up?
How has the board changed?
How does this affect you?
Have you thought of shutting down and leaving? or handing it over to someone else?
If yes then why stay? What keeps you running this site? .
and most importantly
What do you see as the main goal for this board?
onacruse

still:
I have noticed it (this board) has changed in the last 3 or 4 weeks -- this must be so -- change is a constant -- new people join and others leave -- so yes the personality changes. BTW I noticed this on Bodies of Elders -- as older elders die and other elders resign or move congregations and new elders get appointed the personality of the BOE changes and with it the congregation they are supposed to serve.
I am thinking of starting a thread on this unless minimus beats me to it.
eheh; then we could stop hijacking Lee's thread LOL
btw, Nickey's thread is a really good one too, imo.
I gotta say, it feels good to talk about these issues...I've got some pent-up feelings and opinions that I'm finally feeling free to express.
Craig
Lady Lee

glad I could provide you an opportunity
anymore survey participants?
Simon
How about these:
(oh no!)
How do you feel over-all about this website?
Some may expect me to say that I think its fantastic etc... but really, I see the faults and problems as much as anyone else. I like to think that overall it does some good and helps some people. I know it's helped us to learn more about the WTS (I'd already researched a lot but so much has happened since) but also to form some great friendships. I think the community we have here is something special and the international meetups that people have are testament to that.
What were you thinking would happen here when you first set it up?
I probably wouldn't have set it up if I'd thought about it too much! At the time, the two main sites were H2O (quite a battlefield) and witness.Net (no doubts allowed!). I was aiming for it to be something in between where I imagined JWs and exJWs could discuss things.
Is the site what you thought it would become when you set it up?
No, I didn't imagine (or plan) for it to become this big. One of the challenges has been coping with things from a technical point of view while also trying to keep things balanced and as friendly as possible. The size makes both of these difficult.
How has the board changed?
There are fewer 'genuine JWs' who will defend their faith (I think this is a general thing) so it's become more for 'ex' JWs. People say it has fewer deep discussions but I think this is not true - there are plenty of serious topics but many of the old arguments are already done and dusted so there is no point going over them again and again (also, it goes back to lack of real WTS defenders)). It's good that people like to socialise so it's not a bad thing - this helps keep the community together and thriving for when something important does happen.
How does this affect you?
Well, I have changed in the time the board has been running - I'm now well and truly out of the WTS and so it's bound to have had an effect on me. It's hard to say exactly what or how though as I don't know how things would have gone without it. It's been an experience !
Have you thought of shutting down and leaving? or handing it over to someone else?
Yes, many times. I would feel bad just closing it though because I know it means a lot to quite a few people and owe it to them to keep it going. People invest a lot of themselves posting on a site like this both emotionally and in time ... it wouldn't be fair for it to dissappear plus there us a valuable archive of information (which I hope to make more accessible). My plan is to hand it over to a group of people to keep running. We'd like to combine this with a move to Canada ... a new life, a fresh start. I'd find it hard to let go though and would probably still work on the technical aspects.
If yes then why stay? What keeps you running this site?
Stubborness! The fact that there are people who desparately want to kill it or see it fail makes me more determined to keep working on it (I'm like that LOL). It has been very useful as a learning experience and I never stop learning from it, both technically and 'people'. Without the moderators who do a lot of the work on the site, I probably would have shut it by now or tried to limit it's use.
and most importantly
What do you see as the main goal for this board?
To help people by giving them chance to get together. The forum in itself doesn't help them but it provides the means for people to form friendships, share ideas and experiences and sometimes to even meet up in person. I know myself how valuable this has been to us. There is more to just providing a web-site though as I do believe that moderators are required to keep a place friendly if it's to be useful to people needing help. The mods do a fantastic job.
Will that do ?!

My turn to ask some questions

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