by pale.emperor 35 Replies latest jw experiences
I've been wondering about your situation, and wow, congrats on freedom. Those eldubs sure were manipulative. I'm glad you are out anyway.
I agree with the custody thing. If your wife wants a full on divorce, get an attorney and really push for as much custody you can. It would suck if your wife remarried some douche bag dubber and your daughter had to live by his rules. My two cents anyway.
Hey pale...
Sounds like you will be going through the big D soon enough.
I woke up the same age as you and had two kids who were very young. That was 9 years ago for me. I can tell you there is hope and definitely light at the end of the tunnel. From my experience you don't need to be uber aggressive and forbid all things jdub and go nuclear on family or soon to be ex w/ lawsuits. Your first priority is your child now, not your ex. You will gain friends by getting your kid into girl scouts, soccer camps and all the other school things you will be involved in with your daughter.
You mentioned that wife calls you and has you take the kids... awesome... take them whenever you can. If and when you do go through the divorce go for at least 50/50 custody (decision making) and 50/50 placement (where the child will live) The court system wants your children to have as much time as possible with both parents. What the court does not want to hear (in my experience) is all the crazy beliefs that the jw mother has. (None of my judges thought when push comes to shove that the mother would let our children die because of the blood issue) If you personally cannot keep the child at your residence for 50/50 placement... get at least 50/50 custody and tailor the placement schedule to your schedule (with the caveat that when circumstances change you can go for 50/50 placement)
I have gone with and without a lawyer. I have had mixed results with both. Be involved is my best advise as far as a lawyer goes. Push for the home study with your county family court counselor. That person will be your childs advocate. Explain to that person all the experiences and opportunities you want to give them and what they will miss out on when they are with their mother.
Hit me up anytime, my experience with court is pretty extensive although I have not won everything. My decision to leave was well worth it. My girls are well on their way to being out!
pbrow
shocking state of affairs,culminating in absolute betrayal by your own family, a lesson for everyone, dont leave your computer unlocked or unattended, hope things improve buddy and things straighten themselves out with your little girl who you must adore, I left and my wife stayed loyal to them we never had kids though, good luck.
I was at the hall the other day to pick my daughter up. Very strange to be invisible to a room full of people. The wierdest thing is though, that when i was "in", my wife and i were practically ignored by the popular crowd, the cliquies and the elders families. When i went in, my wife was surrounded by the who's who of the congregation, swapping phone numbers, getting invited to parties etc. I guess it's their opportunity to dig for gossip.
Also, i had to laugh out loud at this one - i lift my daughter up and she gives me a big hug and kiss, and elder comes up and starts talking TO HER while im right there holding her looking at him. I said to her "he's strange isn't he?".
Im enjoying being ignored. The fact that these deluded people cant talk to me even if they want to is a blessing. But at the same time it's a little upsetting because i have absolutely zero friends. And no family. I cant even make friends in work because i work for a small company and there's no one my age. I can only get out and meet people 2 nights a week because i have my daughter staying over the other days.
p.e-" Also, i had to laugh out loud at this one - i lift my daughter up and she gives me a big hug and kiss, and elder comes up and starts talking TO HER while im right there holding her looking at him."
That is unbelievable. Being sweet to the daughter while demonstratively shunning the father.
What a disgraceful way to try to put a wedge between d'fed dad his own child.
Hope you make friends for yourself soon.
hey pale...
Not sure how long you are going to keep going to meetings and its really none of my business but please know that as your daughter gets older she will (if she hasn't already) get offended that no one talks to you and she will want to know why. You get to show her that you have nothing against anyone. You get to show her how unchrist like their behavior is! Both my teens think it is idiotic.
No friends is tough.. but that too will pass. Focus on your daughter. Get her involved. For yourself, get out to a local bar one night a week for trivia or volleyball leagues... remember, along with your daughter getting more opportunities YOU are getting more opportunities! You got the rest of your life bro!! You answer to no one else but yourself from now on!
pbrow
