Mulan, same here. I crave it all the time. I went off sugar about 2 weeks ago, and I swear, I think I had sugar withdraws!!!
I'm sure I'll get to feeling better.
Gretchen, I think it's comendable that you are so supportive of your partner too!
Serving alcohol when a recovering alcoholic is present
by unbeliever 35 Replies latest jw friends
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Sentinel
I'm so glad this thread is here. Someone near and dear to me has been totally sober since June of '01. Quite an accomplishment since being introduced to beer and wine since his late twenties. Later the drinking was obviously alcoholism in full swing, but the addiction was stronger than anything else.
Now we try to steer clear of being around free-flowing booze, but have found it difficult, even eating at such places as the Olive Garden, where they push their wine right in your face. (I went to the manager and complained) He said, that this is common practice, because they serve wine with their meals. I told him, that people already know the wine is available, as they are given a wine list, and that I saw no reason why it had to be presented in a bottle "in your face" when we are seated. He agreed. Since then, they have not been doing this, which I appreciate. Wine was what my dear one loved.
We have relatives who drink openly right in front of us, and recently we were invited to a meal, and they sat a full wine bottle directly in front of my dear one's dinner setting. We both felt this was totally inappropriate, and that they knew exactly what they were doing. They were tempting him, just to see what a reaction they would get. He didn't even move the bottle--he ate and drank water, and they didn't get what they wanted. Now we know how cruel that was of them. His own family!
To me, family is important, and if there is a family member who is having problems with booze, or is a recovering alcoholic, it is most unkind, unloving, and discompassionate to make booze the main reason to get together--choosing booze over being with the family member. But, as my dear one reminds me, we cannot control anyone else, and when we accept an invitation from any of them, we know under what conditions we place ourselves. So, we haven't been socializing personally with some segments of family due to these reasons. They have a right to have and serve whatever they want, and we have a right not to want to be around it. They would rather do the booze thing. This is no problem for me, as I rarely drink alcoholic beverages myself. I can leave it and I don't feel in the least restricted.
An alcoholic is an alcoholic for life. The alcoholic cannot have just one sip, or one small drink. It doesn't work that way. Family members or acquaintences who don't understand what is involved, should make an effort to educate themselves. The temptation is always present---always, right there, in the background, because the body craves it. This is what addiction is. It's one day at a time.
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Cygnus
When I was drinking quite heavily I did it by myself and when I went out. For medical reasons I don't drink anymore. When I go out now and my friends drink I'm quite happy to abstain and keep my senses while watching everyone else get loopy and make fools of themselves.
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run dont walk
it's a tough call, i cannot pick a side, i see both views and they are both right,
but, he is going to go to places over the next 30 years that have alcohol, so he might as well get used to it, he will have to face it eventually, as long as no one gets carried away, i don't see a big problem, because let's say you have no alcohol at all, and then what happens with the next get together he is invited to, whether it is your family or someone else, will she say the same thing to those people and so on and so on.
I was a family get together, and they served Watchtower and Awakes, I was offended but I lived through it, and didn't go back to the Kingdon Hall. And i will have to attend more eventually.
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SheilaM
Wow lot's of great advice. I guess all I will add is that there should just be respect for choice. I don't drink much by choice nor other reason. I have had people that just push and push for me to order. I can have fun without drinking or being drunk. I always wonder when they are pushing for me to drink, do they ever think "hey should coulc be in recovery." I'm not but still feel the pressure and resent it. As a Mom I understand the need to protect but it is up to him.
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onacruse
Everything I learned and experienced in AA puts the entire burden on the person, not the people around him/her. Codependent behavior of family and friends, or certain circumstances (e.g. a party where alcohol is served) may provide an excuse for an alcoholic to revert, but that's not a reason to revert.
The "harsh honesty" of a recovery group like AA constantly hammers home that it's a matter of personal choice and personal responsibility.
Sincerely,
Craig