Truly loving two people (KInd of a response to the Soul Mate thing) (page 2)

one_ugly_time

Your husband sounds quite understanding and forgiving. His love for you is saying "Honey, I love you enough to lose you if that is what you want...". Quite a man. It sounds like he also realizes the push-pull of rebellion. Anytime you tell your teenagers they can't have something, what do they do ? So, instead, talk to them gently, let them decide, and accept them for the choices they make. It sounds to me like your husband will always love you... regardless of the path you choose.

Now, this "in love" thing... How many defenses have you dropped around your affair partner that you maintain around your husband? That's are really hard question to answer honestly, and may take a counselor to help you sort it out.

Also, how old do you feel around your affair partner? Did you seem to age regress when this feeling started? To what age? Teenage perhaps... flirting, giggling, breaking taboos? If this is true, your husband can sense it, and your defenses around him are probably getting a little harder to penetrate.

And, finally, I would ask you... what wounds did he let you expose, without criticism or complaint? And is the "romance" really reciprocal? Is he disclosing just as much as you are, without being asked?

These are tough questions... there are many more to ask yourself. And there are people that accept poly relationships. If it is not against any of the participants morals, then with open, honest communication may you can all live together?

One last thought.... You may be his "out" from a bad marriage also. Personally, I would stay clear until he quits justifying his actions and talks with his feet. Just my opinion.

Good Luck... you are not in an easy position to get out of regardless of your decision at this point.

little witch

I am not at all "trying to get away" I was never inducted.

And I didnt say you were sleazy, I said your post was sleazy.

I still find it so. How many lovers I have had is irrelevant and quite frankly non of your business.

I do not choose to broadcast my sex life on the net for millions to read, ponder, or comment on....You did. Deal with it.

Stacy Smith

Good luck.

Yes I don't have a clue as to how the lie about being married now becomes acceptable. Are you more in love with him or the idea of having a fresh new lover? Is it just the excitement?

Personally my opinion is that you know where this relationship is headed. So if you are a decent woman you will free your husband if you plan to make any future contact with your cyber lover. I would suggest picking one of them and only maintaining contact with that person.

Even if your husband wasn't a good man you should be honest. I don't think it's right to play them both.

What would happen if you left your husband today? Would you and your cyber lover be together tonight? Or is it just too complicated to think about?

eyegirl

ADF,

i know some of these comments do sound harsh, but desperate times call for desperate measures. basically, i think what it boils down to and what people are getting at, is that it's time to shit or get off the pot. you have to make some decision. i agree with stacy, i think you do know what you want. word of caution though, it's generally best to make decisions based on what you honestly want for yourself, without involving another person. granted, we don't know the whole situation with your husband. obviously though, there had to be problems. if not, you wouldn't have been 'looking' elsewhere. however, try to look at your life then as an individual. you say you were married very young. perhaps you're curious to see what else life holds for you. in my opinion you are being unfair to your husband. i'm not trying to cast any stones, but i speak from similar experience. life is strange. take time to figure it out, often the answer is staring you right in the face.

ADubsFriend

Thanks for your responses. I am thinking them all over. One thing I do want to say is that I have been honest with my husband. Maybe not "pretty" but I have been honest. He knows my feelings for both of them.

This is not my sex life. And, no, I would not be with the other man tonight if I left my husband. I will not be someone's mistress and would not sleep with him while he is married.

Some good questions have been asked for me to consider and I am thinking them over. I tend to think nilfun may be right and i need to just live in each moment and remain calm. But some of the questions posed are worthy of considering.

Thank you.

MegaDude

He says he has dedicated himself to Chirst

What a great line. I'll use that next time I want to break up somebody's marriage.

wednesday

Sounds like what u are mising in your marriage is TALKING. So many men do not talk to their wives and women need this. It is like foreplay for a woman. I suggest marriage counseling and try and work it out with your hubby, it can happen. I also married at 17 and i know how u feel. But i was determined to work it out with my guy. Once u have some good commincation going with your hubby, then step back and see what the draw is to this other guy. U may find that u don't need him anymore, if u spend as much time talking to your hubby as u do the other guy. U have emotional needs that are not being met by your hubby and u are getting them met by the other guy. Why not give your hubby a chance to meet your needs.?

I don't judge other people. As my therapist would say, having an affair is only complicating your life. Can u afford to complicate your life like this? So i am syaing, if we remove christainity form this and moral isues, we still have a very complicated situation . do u really want that? And don't kid yourself, your hubby has to be hurt. Anyone would be. What if he started doing this, how would u feel? could u be so open minded? Open marriages do not work.

I s easy to sit and judge others. Remember the example of a glas house? Or jesus saying , he who is without sin throw the first stone?

Country Girl

Maybe take some of that giggly, flirty, emotional behavior and use it on your husband? Sometimes, we get so defensive and the marriage routine gets so old, that we both become apathetic. Start expending all the energy you are using on the new guy, and develop that "in love" relationship with your husband. You'd be amazed at how a little coy flirting, candles, wine, soft words, and soft touching can make a human bloom! Maybe your husband, in kind, will respond with some surprises of his own that will make you fall "in love" with him again!

CG

WhyNow2000

Your husband is a SNAG(sensitive new age guys)=wimp. He should kick your ass to the curb. I wonder how the comments would go if things were turned around; the same story with a guy saying that he loves two women.

Stacy Smith

What a great line. I'll use that next time I want to break up somebody's marriage.

You nailed it Mega

I wouldn't trust the man at all.

Truly loving two people (KInd of a response to the Soul Mate thing)

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