This will be my last post on JWD, and I am sure that is a relief for you all, especially the Moderators.
First of all, I would like to apoligize unreservedly for my shameless flirting and conduct during September and October of this year. I have NO excuses whatsoever, and for any hurt that I have caused I am truly sorry.
Can I also mention that although, I behaved badly, there was no bad intentions on my behalf.
I was talking about what has happened to two people yesterday, the comments were a little different but what I expected, My Sister Lainey ( she is real) said that I had acted like a prick and that I should be ashamed of myself. (point taken)
The other comment was from one of my very best friends, who said this in a very long email?. I quote just a small portion.
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I believe Cas is looking for intimacy to fill a deep and pervasive need in his life. He gets it in TINY increments from other people, and sometimes larger increments from those he really loves..... BUT ... never really feels the need satisfied.
"Cas with depth" knows he can pretty instantly go to a certain depth with most people, particularly women, who are more open to SOME depth pretty quickly, even if it's "depth" about a superficial subject. What's the payback for Cas? He gets a little (VERY little) of the "intimacy/need to be known" need met, AND it feels nice, even POWERFUL, to know he can be liked, and charming, using his own powers/abilities.
So "social Cas with depth" fills his dance card with constant access to people, who constantly fill, in varying degrees, his need for intimacy and to be truly "known".
Most who are exposed to charming Cas know 1% of who he is... for several reasons;
1.--while he desires to be "known", he wants it all on his terms, with CAS controlling the context/pace etc. (This gets him in lots of trouble, cuz a lot of the women exposed to charming Cas run ahead of him, which makes him VERY uncomfortable, so he bolts. Of course, he never REALLY intended to go very far ANYWAY...)
It is actually quite scary to see yourself in back and white so well described knowing that it is the truth.
So I am going to seek professional help for the huge flaws that I have in my life.
A comment on JEMIMAH, he was a person that I admired and loved, and I am not worthy to even walk in his footsteps. I sincerely hope that the people who knew and liked him from H2O and the early days on this forum will have fond memories.
I personally have some huge decisions to make in my life to make in the next week or so, and I hope that I can be granted the wisdom to make the correct choices.
I recognize that it is for the best, in everyone?s interests for me to leave the forum for good.
I would like to thank Simon for providing a wonderful site, and I would like to apologize for my conduct, whilst using this forum. I would still like the opportunity to speak or meet you. You have my number.
Craig you are a good man, thank you for your kindness and help during our long telephone calls. You are the perfect moderator. willing to speak your mind, but also willing to listen. I trust you with the confidential info that I gave you.
I will not be returning to read any replies, but again, if I have hurt anyone?s feeling, then I am truly sorry..
?What goes around comes around? and I am sure that I will pay a heavy price for my conduct.
Cas.
Ps this account can be deleted.