Cas,
First of all I think you are going to read this so I'm going to say it. No one is accusing you of a crime here. What you have done is just a little stupid and has caused you some embarrassment as well as a little embarrassment by a dozen or so women on the board. That happens and that is life. Everybody learns something from their mistakes.
What has come up as a concern is other things you have done where you may have thought you were doing some good. That is all I will say about that right now until more things can be checked out. It is simply one possibility among a few others.
On a personal note. Coming out of that cult is an incredible psychological shock and it causes people to do a lot of things they would not have done if they had never stepped a foot into a kingdom hall. Everyone on this board understands that. No one is saying you are not Cas and you have not been a JW or have experienced some of the things you have experienced.
That is somewhat understandable and everyone here has gone through the trauma of trying to adjust to a new life. You have been taught since early childhood to accept and believe things that you have spent a life time having to continue to lie to yourself and to toss out any logical or contradicting feelings you may have had simply to be able to survive. Again every one here understands that.
You are now experiencing the beginning of social retardation and coming to the realization that a good majority of what you have accepted in life is a lie and has been fabricated by the leaders of the watchtower to further advance their cult and stroke their own sick egos.
That is not your fault. What you have done, even though somewhat deceiving and manipulative is in an odd way something you have been taught to do since you were a little kid. Again, that is not your fault. Since this all was played out on this board it may hurt a little more and cause you some real embarrassment and humiliation. Cas, you are not the first person to come out of that cult who has done such things and neither will you be the last.
Meet with Alan, tell him the actual truth and then get some professional help. If there is anything I can do for you to help, I will be more than happy to do it. Iv been out 20 years and I look back at my life right after I left the cult and the mistakes I made are too plentiful to even count.
Use this lesson as a stepping stone and learn from it. It is just the beginning of a lot of lessons you will learn as you begin a new life learning how to not to lie to yourself.
All anyone is doing here is examining possibilities and possible repercussions of what you have done and played out on this board. I think you can understand that.
Take care,
Dave
