Although, I think 'self-esteem' is nothing but part of the 90s buzz words vocabulary. Highly overrated, rather silly, really.
I'm curious why you say that.
A question for all women that were raised in the "truth"
by codeblue 61 Replies latest jw experiences
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Xena
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Sassy
hmmm.. Not sure that I have low selfesteem because of being raised a witness. I do think I have a more submissive mentality because of being one and that has been a negative as well as a positive thing for me.
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codeblue
I must say that I suffer low esteem till this day.
I have to agree with another poster that being a child in school and having to be so different didn't help my self esteem..
I remember going to the meetings and a certain elder always making me feel less of a Christian, because I wouldn't quit school and pioneer. He should have been supportive and just GLAD we were there. My Mom died when I was 14 and me and my older sisters made it to all the meetings by ourselves.
I remember being on a circuit assembly part, which we rehearsed several times. It wasn't till I was on stage with others that I realized I was introduced as "Just a Publisher"...We were all giving our informal witnessing experiences...The "label" seemed to stick in my mind.
The low esteem was heightened by my dad, he was always yelling and screaming at me and my sisters. Even though I was an A student and very talented in music (wrote and sang my class song at graduation) he never said: "Good Job...I am so proud of you".
Codeblue
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pettygrudger
Not sure on that one Codeblue - I would say that it's more of how my mother raised me than the JW faith - but low self-esteem has always been, and probably always will be an "issue" (at least that's what people tell me - I don't personally see it).
Mainly, my self-esteem issues would come from having a father that was totally uninvolved in my life, and a mother that seemed hell-bent on making sure that her children NEVER became pompous or arrogant, so would continuously tell us how bad we were. She had no qualms telling her girls every imperfection about ourselves, and making us believe ourselves ugly. I suppose she was concerned that we would care more about our personal appearance than pleasing God.
Not ever being able to measure up to perfection - and knowing that you were a failure each time you tried, was it because of the JW religion or not? - hard to tell. I suppose there are many people who grow up with perfectionist parents - it has nothing to do with their particular religion.
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codeblue
Good point Petty about "parents" adding to low self esteem.
But as a sisters in the org we have been treated like less of a person. About 10 months ago Mr. CB and I had a shepherding visit,supposed to be a welcoming visit and for almost 3 hours I was treated like I wasn't even in the room. I was so upset, really furious.
About 6 weeks ago another call made...I was treated like a "non person"...again.
Those are only a couple experiences besides the "just a publisher" one I have already spoken about. I can mention many more as well.
Codeblue
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luna
Meg-
Not necessarily. I always fit in, in school. I was the only witness in my high school, but I never got treated like an outcast. More like, everyone thought my parents were Nazi's. But, I never lacked in any "worldly" friends, and was always popular enough to enjoy going to school.
On the OTHER hand, I never fit it in the congregation. I was too freespirited, and never dubby enough for anyone, or rather, anyone's PARENTS to accept me.
If I have any self esteem issues, which I do at times, I think a lot of it has to do w/ how I was treated in the congration, not in the real world.
Since I've been out, my self esteem has shot up considerably.
Luna
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nilfun
Re: self esteem issues: I'm working on it
I hope Maverick doesn't mind if I quote his words of wisdom (from another thread):
In the J-dud world women are just worker bees, they have no say in that world.
They get a pat on the top of their heads once in a while but otherwise need
to shut-up and do what they are told! My daughter was raised to be a strong-minded,
capable, independent women. Which means she hated the JW's from about 14 on!And you just might find yourself in direct opposition to what is being taught from the platform if you decide to raise your daughter with that "independent" attitude. (WTG Maverick!)
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Mystery
Yes - the congeration and my parents. Like Petty said nothing was ever good enough.
I have boys but from the very beginning I was absolutely determined that no one would walk all over them. Sometimes I think I may have done the job to well!
They are very stubborn and opinionated. They don?t? back down from anyone, sometimes unfortunately including teachers.
But the problem is ?they take after their momma? Now that I have learned that I am "good enough".
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Meg
Luna-
I would definently agree with you on not fitting in at the kingdom hall. I never really felt that I fit in there either, which I beleive added to my self esteem issues.
Growing up and going to school, I always tried very hard to be the "perfect witness" and to do everything the proper way and did not really have to many friends since I was not suppose to. I thought by being the best witness that I could be , that I would fit in and be more accepted at the kingdom hall. (which obviously did not work) I actually ended up feeling more and more like an outcast no matter where I was.
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luna
Meg-
That makes sense. Alas, I was never the perfect witness. I knew the kids at school were more fun. :)
I gave up trying to fit in, in the congregation. It was never going to work. I didn't dress like a good dubby, and I didn't go out in service enough. Being a good witness in school wouldn't have helped me any. Besides, there were no other witness kids in school to monitor my activities. :)