by codeblue 61 Replies latest jw experiences
Meg:
I so totally can understand how you felt after reading your last post on this topic. That was "me" all over. I tried to tow the line and be a good JW...never got praise.
I didn't fit in school because they were "bad associations" and I was very academic...2 strikes against me in fitting in school.
Codeblue
I had a low self esteem during the time I was a JW, but since I left my self esteem has raised tremendously! During that time I carried a lot of guilt and shame, feeling that I wasn't living to Jehovah's standards. Now, I am much more confident in myself and am proud to be where I am in life. I have goals that haven't been met yet, but I know if I really set my mind to it I could reach those goals. But one thing I know for sure, I have grown so much more as an individual with a much richer personality.
No disrespect to others here, but I don't think anyone can make you feel bad about yourself without your cooperation. It sucks to be a female witness, especially a young girl, but we all have the final say in how we see ourselves. Ultimately, your self-esteem is your own creation.
Insomniac:
Have you ever suffered from low self esteem?
Codeblue
Codeblue-Sure, who hasn't? I get discouraged about how I look, how I sound to others, how bloody disorganized I am...all sorts of stuff. But that's how I allow myself to feel, nobody can convince me I'm worthless unless I'm willing to agree.
ABSOLUTELY! OMG! I was raised in "The Truth" by a single mother (my father died) and she was considered "spiritually weak" for several years. I remember several shepherding calls to our house which basically made my mom feel like shit for a while and she would drag my ass to EVERY meeting afterwards because she felt guilty. It also didn't help that I am a tall woman, therefore a tall girl. Not only was a made fun of for being tall and gangly, I was the only JW in my school. You know the scenario, all holiday parties were spent in the school office sitting in a chair, etc. I felt like a non-person for a very long time.
Fortunately, I am intelligent and have found strength through my children, my husband and my career. Not to toot my own horn, but I have an extremely keen wit and have the ability to entertain people with comedy. I've heard that a lot of comedians are victims of depression and I can totally relate. It makes sense to be able to hide your sadness behind comedy.
I love myself as much as I can. I feel as if I heal a little bit more with the passing years away from the Borg.
GH
Agreed with Luna! I never fit into the congregation becuase I am unconventional and free spirited. Being the ONLY twenty something sister in my congregation REALLY made me stick out even more since the other sisters were older and married. They all thought that i would follow in their footsteps and marry a nice MS or Bethelite and I wanted nothing of that. I didn't want to be like them, living at home with mommy and daddy, depending on them for everything, and then getting married and depending on their husbands for everything. I wanted to be independent, live alone for a few years and then see what happens. Plus too, I have desire to be a "christian wife", you know the kind that OBEY their husband's every COMMAND such as, be home at 5 pm with my dinner on the table, don't wear a skirt above the knee, don't cut your hair short etc. (these are all real life situations). I think deep down they all envy me because I call my shots!
Exactly.
I'd have made a HORRIBLE dubby wife. I don't do well w/ men trying to make me feel inferior, "do what we tell you because i'm your husband".
Uh..NO.
I'm WAY too independant and stubborn, and would probably either killed or beat the $&*% out of some bethelite that tried to do that to me. (just joking, of course, but you get my drift.)
Worldly boys are MUCH more understanding of this trait.
haha.
Interesting comment that low self esteem is of one's own creation. The majority of the people that have posted on this topic would dare to disagree with that comment as well. Maybe reading an excerpt from Massey University will help many on this board to understand that low self esteem is NOT a PRODUCT of one's Own Creation:
How does low self esteem come about?
Early experiences can impact greatly on the beliefs we have about ourselves. For example abuse, neglect, or abandonment can foster beliefs which influence self esteem throughout life. However, low self esteem can occur in the absence of serious childhood trauma. It may arise from inconsistent or critical parenting, or as a result of later life experiences. Identifying a "cause" is not necessary in order to obtain help.
http://counselling.massey.ac.nz/articles/self_esteem.htm
Codeblue
I know that for many years as a dub I did suffer from super low self esteem. Once I decided to leave I overcame it.
