A question for all women that were raised in the "truth"

by codeblue 61 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  ikhandi

  Low self-esteem? No. Depression? Yes to the tenth degree
• 

  Princess

  I don't think low self esteem was an issue for me as a dub. I am lucky to have been raised by parents who instilled a sense of self-worth. My brothers tried to stomp on it but failed. However, as a non-dub it has definitely been boosted. I have accomplished many things since leaving that I never would have attempted before. Things my brothers won't even consider trying. That's pretty cool.
• 

  maybesbabies

  There were other issues besides being a JW that led to me having low self esteem, but I think the treatment and teachings of the JW's had a part in it. I have been in several relationships where I found myself in "submission" to the man, because I was so conditioned, from my father and the men in the congregation. It has taken me a long time to realize that I could wear the pants. Now, I won't take them off for anyone!!
• 

  Mysterious

  No way! I had real friends get to me and show me what I'm really made of.
• 

  SLOAN

  Yes, being raised as a witness and my parents both. I too hope that soon I will be like Xena said and FINALLY overcome it. I am much better than I was a year ago.
• 

  LittleToe

  Codeblue:
  Like you, I would take issue with the comment that low esteem is our own creation. Sure we have a role in the process but I believe that the environment, that we are nurtured in, has a huge impact.

  Personally I was raised by great parents, who did their hardest to raise us well.
  I suffered the usual esteem issues during my teenage years, and also some imposed by the borg, but I worked through them. Today I rarely do, but observe a lot of it around me, regardless of gender or religious persuasion (including lack thereof).

  But I'm a guy, so what do I know?
• 

  Aztec

  I don't think anyone can make you feel bad about yourself without your cooperation

  I think that's a great point Insomniac and I agree! No matter how hard my father tried to beat into me that I was not important, literally, I just couldn't agree. Whether through emotional non-involvement or through outright telling me that I was of no importance to anyone, I just plain ignored him. I value me. What others think is superficial.

  LT,

  But I'm a guy, so what do I know?

  Oh geez, your opinion is as valid as everyone else's is.

  ~Aztec
• 

  LittleToe

  Aztec:
  Thanks I was thinking more about how I relate to what it was like being a woman raised in the borg, though
• 

  Fe2O3Girl

  I wonder if it has more to do with how your parents interacted with you than the JW aspect. Noone has said that their parents always praised and supported them, but the JW influence left them with low self-esteem anyway. I would go so far as to say that atheist parents, Church of England parents or parents of any idealogical persuasion can leave their kids with problems.

  "They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had, And add some extra, just for you." Philip Larkin, Parents

  Philip Larkin wasn't a JW.

  I suppose the way that JWs create a hierarchy of men over women over children leaves female children right at the bottom of the heap, and gives the best environment for potential problems.

  My parents always gave me praise, encouragement and support. I didn't think I was quite as beautiful, clever and all-round wonderful as they told me, but I knew I came damn close. Shame noone else recognised the fact............

  My problem from JW programming has been the opposite effect: its taken me a long time to come to terms with everyone having different backgrounds, values, ethics, interests and ideals, and that not being a reflection of their human worth. Except Tories.
• 

  joannadandy

  I have pretty horrible self-esteem. I think for the most part I hide it pretty well, and re-direct it by being self-depricating, yet funny--so you have to laugh with me before you can laugh at me.

  I am not sure it's totally the Borg's fault.

  I think most women, at least the ones I know (maybe it's some crappy midwestern plot), struggle with self-esteem. We get so many images that we have to be girlfriends, wives, mothers, super career women, care-takers for everyone, all while maintaining rock hard abs and a Brittney Spears like ass. Oh yes, and be perky perky perky all the time, and be accomodating to everyone, or else people won't like you! (Don't even get me started on sexual repression--virgin/whore complexes!)

  I think a lot of women have overcome this. And more power to them. But I know plenty of women who were never in the borg, that still grapple with the above mentioned issues.

  As for my own problems. I don't think they stem from the borg so much as my family. Granted the two are a tangled intertwined mess, but I think it's more about my mom than anything else.

  Being raised in the troof, I knew I would never be an elders wife, I knew I would never marry a JW guy, I knew I couldn't pioneer and raise a family. I always knew I wanted to go to college and do more. Did the fact that women couldn't "teach" in the congregation nag me? You bet your sweet bippy! However, even when I was young I knew this was stupid. And I think that's why I was drawn to speech (which my parents allowed me to participate in since their rationale was that it would help me iin the ministry.) because it allowed me a chance to be in control of an audience. I liked that.

  My mom is another story. It seems nothing I do is good enough for her. This stems of course from her own mother, who thinks she (my mother) doesn't do anything right. Which is weird, because in grandma's eyes I am a freakin genius who can do no wrong.

  It's the little things that cut. I know my mom is proud of the work I do in school. There hasn't been a semester yet where I didn't make the Deans list in high school or college. But, she nit picks if I mis-speak, or don't know something. She pounces and loves to throw it in my face that I screwed up, and she is in fact smarter for catching me.

  She always rags on the way I dress, decorate, look. My hair isn't right, my clothes are awful, I am too fat, my tastes are too weird in music and artwork.

  And of course the greatest disapointment to her--I never got baptized and made the truth my own. I am pretty sure most people here know what I mean when I say that from here on out no matter WHAT I do in my life, I will forever be a failure if for no other reason then I couldn't hack it as a jdub.

  And so, I hate myself. I always second-guess my opinions. I never trust my instincts. I pretty much assume that no matter what I try my hand at--it will be mediocre or a flop, but never a success. Because I am a failure.

  Good times! lol (sorry--long winded rant and pretty much off topic--sorry guys)