don't give up on your sister getting out. and stay in touch with places like this board.
*sigh* I think I'm staying in the borg
by SC_Guy 55 Replies latest jw friends
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franklin J
it is a tough decision for you, especially if you are a student and still depend on your parents and live home. Every one in this forum understands.
If you are still in school, I suggest you try to speak with a counselor. It could not hurt and they might help you to see things in a different, healthier perspective.
regards,
Frank
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amac
SC_guy, I really feel for you. It is commendable that you are so thoughtful of others to continue to make sacrifices for them. There has been some good advice here, but as everyone else says it is going to be up to you.
For starters, I would definitely avoid getting baptised. If they push you, point out to them that baptism is the most important decision of your life, MORE IMPORTANT THAN MARRIAGE! Tell them you do not feel mature enough to get married yet and you definitely don't feel old enough to get baptised. Also tell them that you think Jesus waited until 30 for a reason, and it certainly wasn't because he was lazy and didn't get around to it then.
Good Luck!
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SC_Guy
franklin J, I'm not in school... I finished a state-run homeschool program 3 years ago that my parents wanted me to do in 3rd Grade. I have not had much outside my home... my parents don't want me to leave... and I'm serious when I say this. My parents won't even let me get a job so I could support myself, the only thing I can really make money with is with my gigs I have at weddings, dinner parties (I'm a cellist)... even then I can't take a job that will interfere with the meetings.. I try to save every little bit, but all my money goes into a bank account that my parents have to co-sign in order for me to withdraw any money. My pioneer sister is 25 and she's still at home because my parents really want to keep her close. The only time she ever left was to goto college for around 3 months, and she was only allowed to stay with a JW family while going to college. My parents are werid, but I don't know how do without my sisters.
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Sassy
I agree.. don't get baptized.. that way even if you get inactive and don't go to meetings later you can still have contact with your family
You need to do what you need to do for you .. Your family is important to you and we understand that.
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Double Edge
I'm not babtized yet, and I'm close to 18... my family prods me about it allot, and I made the decision to do it this summer to keep up apprences. When it comes down to it, I do hate it... I hate it with every fiber of my being
Why would anyone do something that they hate with every fiber of their being? I know you feel that you're behind the 8-ball (which at 17 you probably are), but things are going to change. You are becoming the adult you will spend the rest of your life being. In a year or two you'll be more in charge of yourself and will be better equipped to sidestep the family "bombardment". DON'T do what you hate. Sidestep it... put it off for a year (wink, wink). Tell them that you're setting a goal of 19 (or better yet 20), that there are somethings that are still puzzleing to you, like reconciling the fact that families don't speak to those that are disfellowship... to you that seems unscriptural...something that Jesus wouldn't do, since he associated with all types of people. Tell them that you're just trying to figure it out and it's going to take time. That "figuring out" will buy you the time that you need.
Double Edge
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Emma
I'm sending hugs and empathy.
I finished a state-run homeschool program 3 years ago that my parents wanted me to do in 3rd Grade. I have not had much outside my home... my parents don't want me to leave... and I'm serious when I say this. My parents won't even let me get a job so I could support myself,
It sounds as though you've been deliberately isolated so you are totally dependent on your folks. This is emotionally abusive. Is there any way you can get counseling? It would give you so much strength to talk to someone and sort out whats happened to you and what life is like outside of this controlling situation. Take time to mature, to find out what it will take to take care of yourself - you can take care of yourself! Teachers are a good resource for getting help. And keep in touch with this board; people are caring and helpful.
Emma
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bebu
((((((((((SC_Guy)))))))))
For starters, I would definitely avoid getting baptised. If they push you, point out to them that baptism is the most important decision of your life, MORE IMPORTANT THAN MARRIAGE! Tell them you do not feel mature enough to get married yet and you definitely don't feel old enough to get baptised. Also tell them that you think Jesus waited until 30 for a reason, and it certainly wasn't because he was lazy and didn't get around to it then.
I second this! Do everything you can to delay, delay, delay. As shown, you can make it into a matter of taking this issue more seriously than they anticipated. If you must go to meetings, then make the trade-off your private decision to never be baptised. This would cause you a worse situation than you are currently dealing with!
Here is another thing to consider, and it is hard to write. What is the best way to love your sister? Mere kindness will have you always and ever agree with her; but if she is making decisions to base her whole life on a lie, would you not have some kind of obligation out of love to work toward helping her be open to discovering this? I'm not saying for you to hit her over the head, or leave the borg cold-turkey and strew leaflets in your wake. I'm saying that while you stay in the borg, you should take the goal of plotting the best way of helping your family to leave as well. This also can be the thing that "saves" you if you decide that, for now, you must remain inside the borg; a goal in your life. (BTW, I don't know if you already got this link, but it is a very encouraging one: http://www.freeminds.org/psych/exithelp.htm)
Nina has some very wise words. Please read them many times.
It is also a very helpful thing that you are artistic, as I think you will be able to think more creatively about ways to deal with this situation. (Kind of like a private project!) I hope that all the various resources you have (your talents, your ex-JW family, your teacher, this site, Crisis of Conscience, etc.) will help you see that there IS hope for your particular situation. ...And even God is your resource as well:
RO 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose...
RO 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?
SC, it certainly, yours sounds like a problem that needs prayer... So I'm sending mine for you.
bebu
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amac
This is emotionally abusive. Is there any way you can get counseling?
I strongly disagree with Emma on this. Denouncing what you know of a families parenting tactics from a couple post on a DB as "emotionally abusive" is way overboard. If the parents are providing a loving environment and choose to be protective of their children that is far from "emotionally abusive" and does not mean that the child needs counseling.
SC seems to be very cognitive of his parents tactics and what his role is and what he can and can't do.
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Strawberryfieldsforever
I was an only child. My Dad was not a JW. When I was doing the fade, my mother told me one day (in tears) that she would be the only one from our family to live in the paradise earth. It tore me apart. But.....I went anyway. I couldn't take it anymore. Then she came over to my house and said that she was going to cut me out of her life. How sad. Now I think they all use it as a tactic to keep us in. It almost worked on me.
Now I see her driving around in service. She waves. I know deep down inside that she still loves me, but only on her terms.
Strawberryfieldsforever