*sigh* I think I'm staying in the borg

by SC_Guy 55 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  waiting

  Sorry - at work & didn't read second page....LOTS of agreement - don't get baptized.

  But:

  I finished a state-run homeschool program 3 years ago that my parents wanted me to do in 3rd Grade. I have not had much outside my home... my parents don't want me to leave... and I'm serious when I say this. My parents won't even let me get a job so I could support myself, the only thing I can really make money with is with my gigs I have at weddings, dinner parties (I'm a cellist)... even then I can't take a job that will interfere with the meetings.. I try to save every little bit, but all my money goes into a bank account that my parents have to co-sign in order for me to withdraw any money.

  My pioneer sister is 25 and she's still at home because my parents really want to keep her close. The only time she ever left was to goto college for around 3 months, and she was only allowed to stay with a JW family while going to college. My parents are werid, but I don't know how do without my sisters.

  I'm not highlighting any of your comments above because your family has some SERIOUS emotional control issues. Trust me on this one. There is a fine woman here, Lady Lee, who is a certified counselor in Canada. She also has a private forum. PLEASE private messenger her for some info.

  You've got more than baptism problems with your family.

  Take care & PLEASE pm Lady Lee.
• 

  Stephanus

  It sounds to me like you're going to have to think about getting on with your life, and you're probably going to have to do it without the very people who are trying to make sure you can't live without them.

  Can Grandma help? Could she take you in for a while until you've got your employment, banking and accommodation details sorted? What about your aunts? From your story it is apparent that you have potential allies in your struggle; ask them for help.

  If your college teacher sees what you're going through and wants to help, ask her for help. She can direct you to the college counselling service; if your situation is seen as abusive enough, perhaps a youth shelter position could be found for you. There are plenty of options that you are probably totally unaware of - start thinking about them and make a plan to get out. You're only damaging yourself by delaying, and ultimately you are hurting them by letting them get away with this abusive lifestyle, when what they need is to learn some hard, cold truths.
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  El blanko

  Just do the 'widow's might' .... pop along to the odd meeting etc, study the Bible. Build a relationship with God through Christ and the rest of the time just expand your creative potential through painting/writing.

  Remember to refer pests to the scripture about the widow and don't be too hard on yourself.

  Ultimately they are probably judging you too harshly and will be condemned for doing so, if that is the case.
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  waiting

  Hey SC,

  Stephanus made some good points.

  When my son went to live on campus at his university, he saw a campus psych. counselor (it's provided for free to students during the 9 mo. of school). It helped him a lot. He went for 4 yrs. In fact, he went so long, he hooked up with the psych. teacher (our family's so screwy, he outgrew the *training* counselors. lol - I was requested to attend ......once. He smirked he was proud of the way his ol' ma blew off the student counselor. Some people should learn to keep their mouths shut....and not talking about me [this time.])

  Anyway........when same son went to law school at same university, well, he went back to counseling with same woman. 7 yrs. free conseling ain't too bad. Something to think about, eh?

  Steph's point about contacting grandma ain't bad either. She would love it - and could be a great source of familial spirit for you. Perhaps a spare bedroom too, eh?

  Take care, sweetie. Don't blow away your freedom - it's precious & JW's can exact a terrible price to get it back.

  waiting
• 

  m0nk3y

  I'm not going to say what alot of other people have said .. I really feel for you and the situation you are in *HUGZ* but when it all comes down to it you have to live for your inner self, if this life is making you unhappy you have to see what you can do to change it. Having come out about being gay and leaving the JW's on two different situations, you could say that I have risked it all twice. It isnt easy .. but your here to use your head and your heart with your own free will. No matter how bad things become there is always somthing good for you around the corner and it aint called the New System *vomits*
• 

  Satanus

  Sc
  

  Your suicidal thoughts may be a result of you creativity being squashed by wt teaching. It may be killing that part of you (not permanently), and so you feel like you are being strangled. Suicide seems to be the logical escape from the resulting pain. Getting yourself into a position of creative freedom may cure that, make you a new person (not really. It would likely let the real you out). Hang in there

  Flowerpetal & Crinklestein

  Acknowledging your feedback.

  SS
• 

  Nocturne

  Hey SC_Guy, I can relate so much to your situation with your family. And I understand this feeling of being trapped, of being crushed that you have. A few weeks ago, I had the same feelings, but I've managed to look at the situation closely, and now I feel much more relaxed, in control. The advice given here is great, and I hope you manage to get through your situation.
• 

  seattleniceguy

  Hi SC_Guy,

  Please don't consider suicide. I went through a few really rough months when I left - months when I didn't know what I wanted to do, days I didn't even feeling like eating. It was hard to imagine coming out of it at that point, but when I came out, things were different than I had imagined, much better than I had imagined they might be. I just want to tell you that no matter how things feel now, you will come out of it. Just hang in there, take one day at a time.

  SNG
• 

  CountryGuy

  I've already attempted sucicde a few times, I just don't know how much worse I can feel at this point... my life really sucks.

  SC Guy,

  I can totally relate to what you are saying. I attempted suicide when I was 16. I felt that I was trapped in a life that I no longer wanted to have. I saw no solution other than to end it. My reason for attempting suicide was that I did not want my parents to know that I was gay. I didn't feel that they would ever accept me, provided I could one day accept who I was. Fast forward 15 years... I have a great life now. Not only have my parents accepted me for who I am, but they also accept my partner of five years as one of the family. This is because my parents have also left the borg. Something I never would have thought possible at 16. You never know what is going to happen down the road. Your situation can change drastically in the course of a year.

  Don't let this cult claim another life! If you ever feel again that this is the best solution, find someone to talk to. You seem to have a couple of strong people to support you in your grandmother and teacher. Talk to them. Call up a crisis hotline and talk to them. Come online and talk to some of us here. Most of all, just know that there are people here that hear you and feel your pain with you. We wish you all the best and are here if you need us.

  CountryGuy
• 

  cyberguy

  SC_Guy ? are you still in High School or did you graduate? Were you planning to go to college, you know that "evil-thing" called "higher education" by the "Witchtower?" It sounds like you?ve already figured out certain passions in your life. If you?re talented in art then "go for it!" You might be able to get a scholarship! In my last years of high school I had opportunity to apply for a number of scholarships, due to my being in the National Honor Society. However, due to the pressure from the "Witchtower," I didn?t bother to apply, although a number of my friends did go to prestigious colleges! Anyway, when it comes to education, get as much as you can! You?ll need it, especially with the "globalization" of the workforce that's now taking place!

  I wish you the best! Please don?t get baptized unless it is something you want to do! Just my 2-cents! Anyway, as regards your depression, it should subside when you move out of your house and get on your own! Go to college, find a pretty girl that shares your values, wrap legs (ok, I'd better stop here... hehe), and get married! OK ? more of my 2-cents!

  Wish you the best! You?ve come to the right place, because there?s a number of x-JW?s here with kids your age and can sympathize/empathize!

  Take care! We welcome your "venting!" Do post here often!

  Cyberguy!