by shamus 49 Replies latest jw friends
Deborah,
The site's owner, everyone calls WoM Deb. She is incredible... she suffered from depression, and is over it. She dedicated her whole website to understanding and treating depression. She has, I think, Sistic Phybrosis or something like that... I dunno, but it'll put you in a wheelchair eventually. (poor thing). She is really really nice and treats people good. I would be dead today if it weren't for them.
Thank you for the link about bipolar disorder, Shamus. My brother was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I will have to read more about it, and I will definitely pass the info on to my Mom. My parents have been through a lot with him.
kj
KJ -
I don't know how old your brother is but I have the book "The Bipolar Child" author: Demitri Papolos, MD & Janice Papolos. It has help me in understanding what bi-polar is and how it mentally affects a person. Learning about the actual functioning of 'my sons brain' has helped me in learning how to deal with his behavior. You and your mom & dad may want to read it.
PM me if you would like. I have been going thru this in a large way for the past 1 1/2 years when it manifested into being out of control. I may not be able to help, but i know how to listen.
take care,
deborah
(((shamus and others)))
The depression rollercoaster is a difficult ride to be on. Yes it sucks, and unfortunately nobody has the power to feel *exactly* what we are going through. But that doesn't mean they don't sincerely care or want to help. I know many who do, they just 'don't know' what to do for us. So they do the best that they can with good intentions. That in itself means a great deal to me.
I struggle with a diagnosed depressive disorder that is intensified more during *certain* times of the month. I've been on and off meds, and know when I absolutely need to be on them. I just want to be free, but I have to take care of my well-being. How I wish it wasn't part of who I am, but it is. That is my reality.
I have many dark nights when I fantasize about how to make it all end. I can't promise anyone that I never will. I almost feel like it will happen because "it's just meant to be." Skewed thinking, I know. That's the depression talking, but it's me who has to struggle with the effects of it and live with it daily.
One thing that helps me at times is the H.A.L.T. principle. Depression is often magnified if you're Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. If you have the power to change any of those states, it can help relieve the feelings. I learned that from reading a book by Susan Rose Blauner titled "How I stayed alive when my brain was trying to kill me." A very good book, btw that jumped off the shelf at the library into my hands one day. It put many of my own feelings into words and offered some good food for thought about what to do when the crisis points are upon us.
I know my words won't take away your pain, but just know that you are not alone. People do care and would love to see us well.
alias
Alias,
Thank you so much for the reference to the book! I am going to my library right now.. it's three doors down. I'll order it in!
What a great coping mechanism. You see, there is so much that we need to learn about this disease, and so little that I care about "professional" opinions or others (any others) for that matter that has NOT gone through this.
I am way past the little "huggy" stage right now. I get frustrated and want answers that work, not sympathy. Sympathy makes me even more depressed, and reading it gets tiresome sometimes.
"Walk a mile in my shoes" before you open your trap. I guess that's why I stay away from child abuse cases and whatnot on the board... I have no idea what they are going through.
I hate how I feel inside and not understanding why depression is such a part of my life. At the moment its getting to the stage where I need to go back on some pills. They help me act on a more even keel type of thing. I have found its no use trying to make people understand that dont suffer from depression. THey have no idea so why try to help them understand? I have made myself sick in the past trying to help others understand when they did not have the capacity to understand. So I look at myself and developing coping mechanisms to try to avoid the little pills. I do feel better when I am on them but I know its only a matter of time before I want to go off them and then the cycle starts again. When its chemically related there is not much you can do about it. DOesnt matter what the trigger or event is that triggers it you are left with this feeling inside.
In me its a hollow empty feeling, a crushing overwhelming feeling of emptyness and pointlessness. I try to avoid the soul tearing self destruction but sometimes it creeps in and there is nothing I can do about it. I just keep busy, keep the tears at bay as best I can and accept that the chemicals are playing up again, life sucks majorly, no one wants to go out with a crusty, fat old hag thats about to turn 39 and stuff like that. Sheesh I even went to a lesbian dance with my step sister (I didn't know thats what is was) and couldnt even get picked up there! Not that I am having a go at lesbians or anything like that! The point is why am I so ugly that no one can stand being near me. Opps there goes that self destruction mode again..........
Shamus; Remember sometimes people that give advice have been there have walked the dark walk but don't choose to disclose that their knowledge is from true life experience. Also, I have found the more open you are about it the more you can be healed.
PS: (added)
Shamus:
With all due respect you have said to Mystery and others the same things you asked no one say to you. Mysterys son was dismissed at "being in a depression" but that is normal. Have you been there? teenagers can be in severe depression too and in fact we lose wonderful kids every day to depression.
Maybe you are, maybe you're not suffering from it. Only a doctor can tellThat is another statement that isn't indicative of what you wish to receive. You can be depressed without the confirmation of a Doctor, in fact many people live with depression for years before seeking help. Yes, a Doctor can help but so can a therapist, psychiatrist etc. In fact I would recommend the latter of a MD anytime. They do not have the updated info and can really cause more problems then they heal.
All I am saying is you want understanding of your problem just be understanding in turn. No two depressions are the same. Many are functional depressives *can work etc) many are non-functional (struggle with everyday tasks) it all depends on the person. Clinical depression has many triggers for me it was a personal trigger and bam years gone.
The more you study and learn the better tools you have to conquer this illness
Hi Shamus,
We talked in another thread a little about depression. I found out I had Clinical (Major) Depression about 10 years ago...right after...a suicide attempt. It may sound like a cliche' -- 'unless you have depression' a person cannot truly understand, but, you and I and ALL the other posters who suffer with it know it to be true.
I can't talk much right now (time), but, I can say my neurologist told me about 80 - 90% of people who develop Epilepsy later in life also end of with Major Depression. This goes along with other people's experiences of developing other disorders and then...depression, too. There are triggers. Part of mine was JW stress, my head injury that started the epilepsy and I think the 'soup' of Meds they had to experiment with to get the seizures under control. My emotions and physical side effects ran the gamut from zombie, to sleeping all day, to hyper-activity to space-cadet. It was hard on my family, too, it was scary to them.
Pyscho-tropic (sp?) drugs, by their very definition, affect your brain chemicals, I had bad sexual side-effects and even a seratonin syndrome 'event' once, very long sad story.
I too, lost my family, divorce, etc., etc. lots & lots, just like you guys. These JW caused things don't help at all when you're also depressed. It makes me angry to see so many others with these same experiences. Now I find you guys...some with depression others with epilepsy, too. THAT gives me hope...I really did think I HAD to be the only person in the world to have ALL these 'things' on my shoulders. I am glad I met ya'...!!
Now I want to try and be encouraging...
Within the last year...I finally took myself off anti-depression Rx's. I do have times when I feel it creeping back into my daily life...the good thing -- like some of you said -- YOU RECOGNIZE IT...that's important. If you've learned some coping skills...you can say to yourself...I know why I did THAT or thought THAT way...this is your power base.
In my case, I was wisely advised to see a good psychologist for 'talk therapy' along with drug therapy. I went thru 3 doctors, some just 1 or 2 visits, before I found a compassionate doctor who I trusted. If you feel uncomfortable with talking to a particular Dr. , FIRE 'em. Move on...I did and really got help. My Doc helped, even with all the unreasonable 'guilt' I had as JW baggage. The people who are most successful in coping with this disease do it with both therapies -- together.
This helped me to get on with my life. It took awhile. I'm still working on it. I was on Anti-Depressants until I was engaged...I've remarried to an open-minded, wonderful woman who is not a witness. She's had depression most of her life -- she's off the Rx's, too! We still have our 'ups & downs', one of us sees the 'downs' and props up the other. One of the things we like about NOT taking the Rx is...we are not monotone, we can HAVE emotions again! That is to many, the very worst side-effect of all...agree?
* Even tho' we were able to stop the Rx's after so many years -- there is a risk, it is very, very dangerous to just 'Stop' the meds, I had a very bad experience years before, you must talk to your Doc. *** And, if it ever gets to much to handle again -- we will be back on Meds, in a 'New York' minute!
Make your life the best you can, it may not cure you, it sure will help you want to see that next sunrise.
Shamus, a lot of people here understand you, me and themselves. We all care, brother!
Add this: That was a heart-felt 'brother', the very first time I used that in a really meaningful way, in a long, long time! I did not realize it until I typed it -- and sat here starring at that misused word.
Sincerely, Lee
Lee,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I may be sounding dramatic here, but thank you.
I can't think right now. I can't control my rage. I'm slipping. My words typed out on posts above make no sense to me. I can't concentrate enough to understand what they or what other people's posts mean.
I'm in a hard place right now, but you've given me strength now. Thank you so much. I can't say that this episode will not end up with me going into a major depressive episode right now, so I am very very scared right now.
Thanks for the help.
Hey Shamus.
I have also had depresion for half my life. I will not dump sympathy on you, as that is pointless. That is not what you or I or any other depressed soul needs.
I have also been diagnosed as bipolar, by two separate medical experts. For me, depresion isn't usually that I feel sad. It is more of an apathy towards life. I also used to seek temporary fullfillment from 'entertaining' others. At work, I would carry on almost as crazy as Robin Williams. I would get such a rush from making others laugh or feel better, but as soon as I would walk away I would feel drained and empty.
I stopped taking all my meds almost two years ago, as they were making me very ill. That is something I do not reccomend for others.
I also felt that even though my problem was organic-low transmitter levels-I felt that figuring my way out of depresion was more valid for me than throwing chemicals at it.
Part of what my recovery required was a belief system overhaul. The other nessesary part for me was accepting and integrating my sexual identity.
My beliefs and the thoughts that I have used to climb out of the pit of depression are tailored mostly for me. I could share them, but I feel that they would not be of use, and may cause harm. If I had tried my own ideas and beliefs on myself five or more years ago, I would not have been ready or receptive to them.
I am sorry that you are hurting. Feel free to email if you want.
Peace
