My heart is ripped out !!

by Puternut 69 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  seattleniceguy

  Hello Puternut,

  I really feel for you. I've only recently come out of the organization myself, and I went through a couple months during which I found it difficult to find the desire to do much of anything, even eat. I don't have any real words of wisdom, except that for me, reading and talking to people in the community helped.

  I also found it exciting and liberating to do things I wasn't allowed to do before. I went to a yoga class. I went to a "worldly" party. I got involved in politics. In a lot of ways, the ex-JW is trying to figure out who they are and what they like to do. It's like we're newborns in the world. Sometimes it feels like I'm impossibly behind everyone else, but it also means that there are a lot of new experiences out there.

  Hang in there. You have a lot of friends here who are wishing you the best. My thoughts are with you.

  SNG
• 

  avengers

  I feel so betrayed! Here I have been an elder and presiding overseer for over 18 years

  What about 30 years of being in the troof.?

  And here behind my back, the Society has in secret done things that are abominable.

  "When the truth is found to be lies and all the joy within you dies,,," (Jefferson Airplane)

  It's a sad story when you find out that the truth is not the truth.
  At least you're out; be happy to take responsibility of your own life.
  There is life beyond the "tower".

  Andy
• 

  Xandria

  Puternut,

  Many can relate to the feelings of total betrayal. You have received a lot of good advice and comment. It is a process, we all go through. We have all gone through so much at the hands of the WTS. The words spiritual terrorism and rape come to mind, when I think of all the lies they have placed upon people. All I can say to you is take it a step at a time and allow yourself to feel all these feelings~ openly and honestly. It is the only way to heal and recover. The best "revenge" is to live your life well.

  X.
• 

  Nosferatu

  Hello Puternut. Sorry that you're going through this. The one that did it for me was finding out the 1914 Generation teaching had been changed long after I left. I was taught it my whole life along with everything else that is normally taught to a child - look both ways before crossing the street, C is for Cookie, etc.

  Losing anything that has been with you your whole life is devastating, especially when you've been betrayed. This can very much be likened to a relationship that just broke up.

  Definately take time to grieve. If you get really emotional about it, it might actually be a good idea to take time off work. It's difficult to concentrate while you're grieving.

  You have just discovered that the ones who told you "Armageddon is just around the corner". Since Armageddon is no longer around the corner, you have lots of time left in this life. You were always living as if today would be your last day. It's no longer like that. You have plenty of time to discover what you believe in, whether it be god, the bible, another religion, or yourself (like I've chosen to do). You have lots of time to explore your options. Right now, just take time to recover from this.

  You're on your way to a new life, my friend. Starting out new can be a lot of fun. You'll get to do things that you've never been able to do. You're going to discover that you have a lot of work to do on yourself. Your "Bible Trained Conscience" is no longer needed, but you'll find it's still there. Take small steps to wean yourself into your new life. It's not over, it's just beginning and you'll see that for yourself.

  Until you start on your new path, take care of yourself. You owe it to yourself.
• 

  LittleToe

  PuterGuy:As you've no doubt already gathered, there are many here in the same boat.

  I held nigh on every position excepting PO, gave Circuit parts regularly, and was being groomed for CO, which had been a life's ambition (including the foregoing of having a family).

  I DA'ed two years ago, but the repercussions continue to this day. The hurt, and occasional anger, is intense, the grieving prolonged.

  Life is a continuous learning process, and you're finally get a chance to do just that.
  Give yourself time to heal, and lots of it.

  You're in my prayers (I mean that genuinely). Take care.
• 

  LittleToe

  Brigadoon:
  Try walking a mile in another's shoes...
  We were all duped, and some of us from birth!

  Now is not the time to get hostile.
• 

  donkey

  Puternut,
  

  While I want to say how sorry I feel for you - I have to honestly say I am happy for you. It's kinda like just digging through the walls and sliding down a sewerage pipe to escape from a prison. Right now you have just gotten into the pipe...but you cannot lose sight of the fact that you are on your way to freedom. It's a tough trip but you can make it - many here stand as a testament to that. Just promise yourself that if you are going to do it that you need to look out for yourself - in the end you have to be true to yourself and true to what you discover as truth in the world aound you.

  I doubt many here were affected by the neutrality issue as I have been but others have been much more affected by other issues. After 20 years I still suffer from occasional nightmares because of some of the experiences. Like yourself I also feel that it was all a total waste of time and I still feel that I am owed retribution for what it has all cost me in terms of personal damages and quite honestly I don't know if I will ever change my mind on that.

  You have to realize that you owe it to yourself to find out the truth about life (yes you were lied to), the world (it's not the big evil place lying in the devil's hands) and most importantly the truth about yourself. You aren't who you think you are - your perceptions have been shaped by your faltering belief system and your true personality has been suppressed because you believed you had behave in certain ways and supress your curiosity (for example - you would chastize yourself as being doubtful when you should always be asking the next question).

  Unfortunately, I cannot offer you support in person because my own family circumstances are very difficult to deal with but other people here will be here for you. Some of them will become great friends and other will be a pain in the ass - just like all groups of people. But you will find a place where you belong and you can feel that too. When I was exiting the organization I felt angry at the JW's and as though "worldly" people could not relate to me - and this place was the only place where I could "be" with others who could relate to me and who I was, what I had been through and was going through. Hang in there and remember to question everything you believe. What I found helped me was to setup a framework for the discovery of real truth. The only way I could do that was eventually to look at the process scientists use for proving theories as tending to truth. We have not been taught to do this as JW's and in fact we have taught just to accept what we were told even though we instinctively knew it made no sense. An example of what I am talking about:

  Falsifiability. In order to prove a theory true there should be a test that proves it untrue. If any of the tests prove the theory untrue then disregard the theory. How can something be slightly true - its true or it isn't. You will find grey areas - just accept them and let them be but the flagrantly false theories - don't waste your time on them the falsehoods only have power if YOU give them power. We gave them power over us for too long - now it's time to stop. We all want happiness and meaning in our lives - deep down we are all very similar.

  I wish you the best in your discovery of the truth and your discoveries about yourself. Allow yourself to feel it, but don't let it grieve you too deeply - if you find that occurring then seek professional therapy to get you past that.
• 

  Huxley

  Hang in there...and like so many have said, give yourself time.

  Wishing you much peace on your journey and your NEW life!

  Huxley
• 

  Scully

  brigadoon:

  Was that remark really necessary? It's clear to me and everyone else who has posted on this thread that Puternut is wracked with regret over things he did as an elder. Try to remember that he, too, was deceived into believing that he was doing what was required by God. Is it his fault that he was deceived? Or does the major responsibility rest with the Organization? that deceived him, and all of us?

  It seems to me that Puternut is trying to find a way to make things right and clear his conscience.

  Love, Scully
• 

  freein89

  Puternut,

  Well, as you can see, we sympathize. My first reaction to the news about the UN was to toss my cookies. Yup, I took the ole porcelain bus for a spin.

  The advice you received about the stages of grief are so very true. We know the pain you are in. Even though I left in 89, I still feel the sting once in a while. But it really gets better. I wish I had gotten some professional help back then. Consider it.

  Keep coming here it will help.

  Deb