My heart is ripped out !!

by Puternut 69 Replies latest jw friends

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  LeslieV

  First and most important is welcome to the board!!!! There are many fine people with lots of good advice and a listening ear. Much different then the "society" would lead you to believe about apostates .

  Finding the "truth" about the truth is an emotional roller coaster ride. As long as you stay on the ride until the end you will be healthy. Take time to heal and find out what you want in life. Life has been dictated to you for many years. For myself leaving the org was the first time in my life that I started thinking for myself. Reading other literature, looking for correct information was a real eye opener. I started visiting all kinds of religion, art, music just letting for the first time in my life really learning with no burden attached to that learining.

  My heart goes out to you....remember when you were in the religion you did the best that you could with what was given to you. You exercised authority because it was given to you to do. The blame lies with the organization that gave you that authority and has never taken any of the consequences.

  Keep coming back!!!! I would love to hear your story.

  Leslie
• 

  Scully

  brigadoon:

  You are operating under a false premise. No where in the Bible does it say that God needs an Organization? to represent him here on earth.

  However, the Bible does clearly state that salvation is a personal matter, between God and the individual, and that "each one will render an account for himself to God." (Romans 14:12)

  If it becomes apparent to an individual that the form of worship in which they have engaged is out of harmony with righteous principles, morals and ethics, then the individual has a choice to make.

  "Get out of her, my people, if you do not want to share with her in her sins, and if you do not want to receive part of her plagues." - Revelation 18:3

  You are probably familiar with the parallels between ancient Israel and the WTS. You know that after centuries of disobedience and corruption, the nation of Israel was deemed to be beyond redemption by God. He devoted them to destruction. Why would he do any differently with the WTS? He will not tolerate the corruption indefinitely. In the meantime, people who recognize that something is very very wrong within the WTS and among JWs will know that it is necessary to "get out of her" or else be considered to "share in her sins".

  Love, Scully
• 

  Puternut

  To all of you honest, sincere, caring and understanding friends. I would like to express my deepest thanks for all the wonderful and kindest expressions. It is comforting to know that others have and are experiencing the things that I am just now going through. Some more than others, yet we all seem to understand the feelings and inner emotions that we all have. I am grateful that I am able to come here, and being able to vent my frustrations, anger, sorrow. By no means am I minimizing the hurt that others are feeling. But I needed to start somewhere, and being able to come to a board like this and pour out my soul, is a way to heal. I know and appreciate the time it will take, in order to find who I really am.

  Some of you wanted to know about my family, since I didn't mention them. In short; I have two girls one 19 and 16. I am recently divorced and had added grief with that as well. The thing that hurts the most is that I am unable to see my girls, since they are living with my ex. And ALL my family and friends are JW's.

  When I came to this country, within one year I had a new business, a new religion, a new language, and a new wife (pioneer). So I had a lot to contend with, as far as adjustments is concerned. Now within one year I have been df'd, divorced, lost my children, and some dear friends, and thanks to my ex, am bankrupt. When I was younger I had the energy to deal with all of that. Now I am in my 40's and things look scary to me. Again most of you advise me to take the time that I have now to re-group. And that is just what I needed to hear. I wanted to know how others have dealt with their lives, and what they have done to have a purpose in life.

  I care a great deal about people, and I see that others care as well. And I am touched by all the expression made in this post. Thank you all for welcoming me with open arms, and not judging me for who I am or what I was caught up in. I do have a brain and I know how to use it. But yet I don't have all the answers, especially in my case, since I am freshly out of the organization.

  So I am firm in the fact that I will stay here with you for a while, so that I can get to know some of you better. And someday I wish to be of aid to others in need as well.

  With a tear of joy and some hope, thank you all from the bottom of my heart,

  Ary
• 

  jgnat

  Puternut, it is tough to start over at 40. But not impossible. You have many skills and abilities you can rally together to start over. Except this time, you can own your successes. You will find that personal ownership to be a marvelous motivator.

  You are still a dad. I am disturbed that you have resigned yourself to not seeing your girls. You have rights of visitation, organization or no organization. Your girls need to see you as a role model. You may not notice any fruit today, but it will pay off handsomely as your girls grow to maturity.

  You can do the same thing with your faith. Take time to read, reflect, and construct your own beliefs without the help of an organization.
• 

  jgnat

  Brigadoon, could you take your thoughts on the organization to a separate thread? I find your comments distracting here, and take away from Puternut's genuine request for help.
• 

  xjw_b12

  Jgnat. That's why we NEED an ignore button here. Simon, it's just a keystroke or two away.
• 

  shotgun

  Puternut..you've had shitty year to say the least, don't get caught up in negative comments.

  It's an open discussion forum where everyone is able to express thoughts and feelings, it's main purpose is information, support, friendship and discussion.

  Don't reveal anything you do not feel comfortable with especially about personal family matters and your dfing unless you want to.

  Brigadoon..you really have a way of pissing in everyone's cornflakes for a newbie, maybe after your on the forum a while you might see it is not a productive way to have a discussion or help others.

  Your comment which you have made a couple times already has me confused

  I am familiar with the fact that I get threatened from BOTH sides. And I am proud of it.

  Are you or have you ever been a baptized JW?

  And it's not a good idea to poke fun at XJW B12 as I already have him under suspicion of attempted murder in another Province.
• 

  Singing Man

  No worries brother now that you have seen the light you can begin the slow jorney of healing. We all have been actors in a foolish play that we did not know we were playing, better yet we were puppets controled by skilled fingers. Just try to hang around others who have an open mind rather than enjoying being puppets like so many. I know its sad when I think about family friends and the like: Shane,
• 

  Puternut

  Shotgun,

  Thanks for the advise. I see I have to sort through these posts a bit. Though I have found some very loving people here.

  Brig, I all due respect, if you want to pick a fight with others, could you start a new post elsewhere? I don't need negativity on my post. I have plenty in my life as it is. I am looking for support and comfort. I need to rebuild my life, and see how others coped with life, similar to mine.

  Most respectful,

  Puternut
• 

  Joyzabel

  Peternut,

  I'm glad you can see the good responses in this thread (and ignore the dimwitted comments)

  I would like to comment on this statement: "But yet I don't have all the answers, especially in my case, since I am freshly out of the organization." We came from an organization that taught us all the answers. Now we find out it was an illusion and we feel lost. Yes, we thought we had certainty about everything so the feeling of uncertainty can be uncomfortable until you realize that NO ONE has any answers. There is a lot of searching going on and thus the idea of a journey.

  Now take the freedom you have, which at first doesn't feel like freedom but your foundation has been demolished underneath you, and start inquring about things, be inquisitive and look at the world as a whole new place to be.

  When hubby & I were opening our eyes, we first looked at Galations and Romans in the old Living Bible. From there you can see that the WTBT puts itself into the place of mediator with God. So when that mediator turns out to be false, at least in reading the bible you'll see that, Jesus and not any organization is the mediator. That helped me in the transition of standing on my own two feet.

  Then when you are ready, as you progress in your questioning everything you can look at what else may have been fairytales that we used to believe in.

  Just a thought. Take it slow. I wanted at first to have all the answers, since my security was knocked away from me. But all I can say is give yourself time. Be patient with yourself and be humble. (the "higher" we were, the greater the fall) And several years from now you'll look back at this crisis period as an adjustment and you'll be surprised how much you grow in knowledge and love.

  Joy