Cat Dictionary: Contributions Necessary

by Stephanus 51 Replies latest jw friends

  • Stephanus
    Stephanus

    Cats may well live with us, but they don't live like us. I've noticed over the years that how we perceive stuff and how cats process the same info is often so different as to be almost alien. Here are a few I've been thinking about recently (all contributions of more examples gratefully received! ):

    door: something a cat absolutely MUST be on the other side of, no matter what! Important exception: when the door is being held open for him by a human.

    sarcasm: give a cat a small morsel of whatever you're eating, and it will spend the next 20 minutes to half an hour carefully and methodically grooming and washing itself from head to toe, as though it's just spent several hours polishing off a 9 course banquet.

    sunlight: cat Kryptonite! A cat can't walk through a patch of sunlight on the floor without going all weak, and eventually collapsing in a heap.

  • Mysterious
    Mysterious

    closet: A forbidden domain to be raided at risk of life and paws. Often contains forbidden stashes of catnip and can be fished open with a paw tip if only slightly ajar.

  • Satanus
    Satanus

    Dominance: cats rule the house. They spend years trying to get this fact through our thick human heads.

  • Elsewhere
    Elsewhere

    Couch: The perfect scratching post.

    Floor: The perfect litter box.

    Keyboard: The perfect walking path.

    Lap: The perfect place for a nap.

    Belly: The perfect place to knead your claws.

  • Sara Annie
    Sara Annie

    The other room: Where your peacefully resting cat suddenly needs to be very, very quickly.

  • Stephanus
    Stephanus

    catfight: something your cat innocently never seems to be a part of; it's always "the neighbours' cats"!

  • Satanus
    Satanus

    Play: this consists of cats being invited by humans to chase, scratch, bite or otherwise harass humans (are we masochistic, or has the cat finally succeeded in training us?).

  • one_ugly_time
    one_ugly_time

    CatNap : What it appears your cat is doing while he is planning his next CataAttack

    CatAttack: That sudden rising of the hairs, arching of the back, fanning of the paw, and gnarling of the teeth he does when you interrupt his CatNap.

  • luna
    luna

    Mouse- The Ultimate Gift to be presented to your human caretaker. It is even more of an honor if you can present them with HALF a mouse.

    Lizard/Snake- If you want to see your human caretaker do a little dance of joy, and make shrill sounds of appreciation, be sure and opt for the Lizard/Snake instead of the mouse.

    Hairball- Your human caretaker enjoys the honor of seeing what you had for dinner last night. Be sure and present them with the Hairball when you are on their lap, and they are relaxed. They appreciate the invigoration that the sudden appearance of the Hairball gives them.

    Alarm Clock- When you are hungry, be sure to visit your human caretaker when they are sleeping. The human caretaker enjoys it when you sit on thier chest, and wake them up by gently attaching your razor-like claws to their bottom lip. Be sure and do this around 2 am, as that is the optimal feeding time.

  • Stephanus
    Stephanus

    fridge door: something that must hit the cat in the face before being fed

    human legs: things that the cat has to get in front of and twist around while those legs are trying to sort out the cat's hunger problem as quickly as possible

    screen door: the best attention getter for cats ever invented by humanity!

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