Help! Help! My son wants to tell elders about me (page 5)

SixofNine

I agonize about this for you. But of course it does no good. You are the only one who sees all the nuance, and even you can't see it all till you experience it.

I will say this, you ARE his mother. You really aren't worried too much about the elders and cong. (I am assuming here), you are worried about your son. Well, you hold the truth, so you have the passion for the truth. If indeed you decide to make this incident the wind beneath your wings that carries you away from the org, use that passion on him.

Isn't it crazy beyond belief that you hold a certain perverse "fear" of the elders? Of losing your son?

I made it clear what I was finding out to my mom as I left. (not all of it, just the blood issue, which was the "passionate" issue for me at the time). She could not argue with my reason, and I did not indicate at any point that shunning me would be an option I would tolerate.

I was of course bluffing somewhat, about that last. Truth is, I was scared shitless that she would take the company position and consequently all the rest of my family would follow her lead. What can you do if they choose that course? I played a bit on her built in guilt, letting her know that, in a way, it had always felt like love from my parents was conditional (very true, but she never mapped it out, or intended it to be that way).

Your son of course, being a snot-nosed JW male godlike one, may not yet have any guilt about love being conditional. If he has a child, it may be more likely to have crossed his mind.

Of course, the dynamics are reversed in your case, but it is your son, you have the truth, and shunning is NOT an acceptable human option, in spite of 75 years or so of WT crap advising it.

lovetobehere

I understand what you are going through and losing your faith in something you have no control over. It has now turned on you!. I think the best thing you can do is confess and show your son you feel you are not doing something wrong. We would not ever hear or know what new light is, if there never was doubt. I think the the best way to test your religion is to see the other side. It has always been our nature. And the only way to find true meaning. This is why the wts is so wrong, to scare someone so they don't questioning their faith is wrong. A loving organization might listen and be open to discussion. The wts is not at all that loving org.
Best of luck

JT

lmr

"but overall it made no dent in his resolve. He feels it is a test of his integrity to do this, and said blood relations did not matter in it."

#### this is a very powerful point for anyone reading this can clearly see the intense indoctrination process that has taken place over the years

"it does seem he displays a self-righteous streak that amazes me"

####when one takes a step back it is almost unbeleivable that someone like a child would do this, but as we all realize to him it is like going up against an AGENT OF SATAN HIMSELF

However as others noted (JT I think) the whole behavior is a quite predictible manifestation of WT programming.

#### and this is where many jw are learning HOW AND WHEN TO LEAVE in a manner that leaves them somewhat at least "INTACT"

WE KNOW thier "MO" like the back of our hand since many of us used to be the very same way- i would have turned in my mama as well

in fact my mm told us after we left that over 12yrs ago she knew that something was wrong and she was afraid due to the fact that i was a "Society Man" i would personally DFed her

smile

so we can use this knowledge of the JW mndset to our advantange if we so desire- at least that is one of the options

"All my life, I have tried to do the right thing, and be a good sister. I feel like I have fallen off the edge of the earth, I cannot change what I know and feel now"

we all understand how you feel to find out that what you have built your entire life upon is worse than SAND is truly painful

"And although learning it has caused much pain for me, I have gained freedom from imposed guilt and fear, which were grinding me into the ground emotionally for so long."

####yes as JW we all lived in the "FOG"

F- Fear
O- Obligation
G- Guilt

that is the reason why wt wants to keep it's members in the dark
as we all know that FOG is thickest when it is dark

but the moment sunlight hits it - it starts to disappear

same with wt as soon as you see the light of day FEAR- OBLIGATION AND GUILT START TO DISAPPEAR

and you will indeeed be just fine- at this point it is merely a matter of deciding HOW AND WHEN YOU WANT TO LEAVE
you have been given the entire selection- choices that many dear ones never had years ago

we can help you walk thru the mine fields if you want our help

take care and i wish you well

james

ps feel free to email me and perhaps i can give you a call or you can call me

shoot me an email

[email protected]

How this will play out, time will tell, and probably very quickly. I'll let you know. Thanks again.

Pathofthorns

You need to stop discussing any of this with your son. You are wasting your energy and jeopardizing yourself if you believe you can somehow "reason" with him.

You had some concerns and questions and that is the extent of it. You are fine now. You owe no one any further explanation. You don't have to meet with anyone.

Either way, your relationship with your son is damaged and you knew this was a definite probablility when you first looked at anything "deviant". Salvaging the relationship is entirely in his hands now, unless you wish to go back to the "routine".

If the information in the email isn't incredibly damning, make sure you are "unavailable" to meet with anyone. You should be fine. Do not discuss this subject with your son further. And do not allow him further access to your computer.

Avoid the subject at all costs. Insist that anyone who brings up the matter is "misinformed, mistaken and does not have all the facts" which are "private". You are going through a "difficult time" and just "need some space".

Path

JT

path says:

jeopardizing yourself if you believe you can somehow "reason" with him.

####### well put my friend- at this point she has the needed to tools to deal with this issue unlike many in the past who were literally LOST and to listen to them relate the pain they went thru man i take my hat off to those men and women-

she has many things on her side

1. her son is not at home with her
2. her hubby is laid back and cool
3. and she can alway play her WEAKER VESSEL card

i mean today no one has to suffer anymore like the friends in the past
when it comes to dealing with WT- as i look at wt we all merely worked for a company that promised us Job security and instead gave us the SHAFT
SMILE

JAMES

rem

I totally agree with Path. This is a non-issue. Call your son's bluff - let him go to the elders. What are they going to do? They might have a talk with you after the meeting - real informal, but there is not going to be any judicial meeting over this. Just blow it off.

One thing - make sure he doesn't have a copy. This exact thing happened to me when my dad intercepted a private letter to my mom that stated all of my misgivings about the org. Unfortunately my dad passed the letter to the elders and a meeting with the elders was arranged, but it wasn't a judicial meeting and I just let them know that it was true that I had doubts. They left me alone - i just had to step down as an MS (which is what i wanted).

The only thing you don't want to do is say anything to the affect that you don't believe the GB is the Faithful and Discreet Slave. They asked my mom this and she just said, "I don't know" and they left her alone. It's really not as bad as it seems.

I really think this is a non issue. The only way this could get escalated is if your son has a copy of the letter. Even if he does there is a chance he is bluffing. And then even if he does pass it to the elders or talk to them, it won't be a very big deal at all. In fact, the elders are probably so busy that it will be easy to avoid them for a long time until the whole situation blows over.

rem

waiting

and she can alway play her WEAKER VESSEL card - JT

That really plays out well, particularily since her husband doesn't attend meetings. Blame it on him - he asked her questions, she looked for answers where ever she could find them. How was she supposed to know?

Stalling works well also.

But I sure would rethink computer usage with that ms, especially since he doesn't even live in the house.

waiting

LostMyReligion

All your comments have been very comforting to me, and helped me shore up my courage.

JT, I really like some of the points you have made. I need to remember that how I play the system (within the limits of keeping my own integrity) will determine the outcome, and I already know most of their moves. I need to get rid of the apprehension or taking on their projection of guilt, and face it like a chess match or poker game, I guess. Too bad, I have never been very good at chess, and I do not have a poker face!

I do need to know if he made a copy of the offending email, and it is now deleted permanently. Hope not.

LMR

esther

LMR you said

The trouble is that when I am face to face with elders, persons I know well, it is very difficult for me to maintain any kind of pretense

If you approach them yourself of your 'own free will', maybe you could use a doubt such as the blood issue, like not understanding how some fractions can be ok, but not others. You should not have any problems in getting enough confusing answers for you to have to think about it for a long time. That should make it easier to avoid anything more damaging. The elders are probably just as confused about this as everyone else. Wishing you happiness

esther

LostMyReligion

Thanks Esther, I appreciate your support and suggestion.

LMR

Help! Help! My son wants to tell elders about me

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