...when you're all out of rolling papers you reach for your miniature copy of the NWT ...
that is toooooooo funny,,,,,,,,actually I have seen it done........
You Might Be An Apostate if..........( pure fluffy fun) : )
by LyinEyes 36 Replies latest jw friends
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LyinEyes
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Jared
:: guilty ::
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RevMalk
yep.
I've seen this one, lol
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Steve Lowry
You?re probably apostate if:
You prefer answering the door on Saturday morning to knocking on it.
You knowingly enjoy things that may have pagan origins.
You no longer think you?re intellectually superior just because you happen to know things like, Jesus probably wasn?t born in December.
You get pissed when you hear the number 1975.
You secretly wish the Squibb building was gone, and the World Trade Center was still standing.
You feel like getting a blood transfusion just to piss off your old friends.
You?re proud to be an American, finally.
You?ve taken the time to learn the words to the Star Spangled Banner, and you?re in your forties.
You can spot a JW in a neighborhood from three blocks away.
Your pastor asks you to head up the cult ministry for your church.
You can see parallels between the Watchtower Society and the Third Reich.
To you, an Easter egg hunt, is just an Easter egg hunt.
You get an erection by throwing away Watchtower literature at the Laundromat.
It?s more probable that you?ll experience instantaneous human combustion than ever becoming a Jehovah?s Witness (again).
You consider the slapping of a JW elder in the face, an art form.
You no longer think that just because things may be going wrong for you, it?s necessarily the result of something you bought at a yard sale.
You come to understand the word, freedom.
You understand that wearing a cross around your neck can ward off more than vampires.
You realize that you?re probably not going to get your inheritance.
You think that picketing outside the Squibb Building with your new found friends, would be a great time and a lot of fun.
Steve
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LyinEyes
LOL @ Steve,,,,,,,, I think you may be speaking from personal experience , eyyyyyyyy???
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Steve Lowry
Wow, that was a fast reply! Good question. I had a lot of fun with it.
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LyinEyes
I love to have fun Steve, it gives me something to pass the time with ya know,,,,,,,,,,and I love to laugh at myself , because each and every reply hits home ..........hehe.
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cyber-sista
you start shopping for clothes that you think are cool,
instead of clothes that make you look like a pilgrim, but were "appropriate for the meetings"
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Xandria
You might be an Apostate if you understand this:
Things that will spare you a return Witness Visit:
1) Attach electric jumper cables to your door knocker.
2) Demand two types of personal I.D. and a medical certificate before any transaction between you can take place.
3) Offer them a free tattoo.
4) Hand out tampons (with instructions).
5) Apply fresh Crazy Glue on the door bell.
6) Invite grandma over. Get her drunk, and then get her to answer the door in the nude.
7) Demand a trick or no treat. And you want it NOW!
8) Tell them to wait inside while you go outside to pee.
9) Offer them Viagra laced bonbons. Will make carpooling an interesting experience.
10) Wear a bloody-soaked white apron and a surgical mask when you open the door and demand to know why they are late for their appointment.
Feel free to add...
You might be an apostate, if you go and place a holloween pumpkin on the doorstep of a K.H.
You might be an apostate, if you don't turn off your lights and hide during trick or treat season.
You might be an apostate, if you ask an anointed elder, if he could hum a few bars of the heavenly song.
X.
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Steve Lowry
You might be an Apostate if you understand this:
Things that will spare you a return Witness Visit:
I think this add-on deserves a thread of it?s own, but I?ll add my two cents here. Try saying some of these things next time a JW visits:
Hey, could you hold this for me? And could you kindly shake it a few times for me when I?ve finished?
Come on in and sit for a spell. Listen there?s absolutely no truth in the accusations that I have buried Jehovah?s Witnesses who have visited here before down in my basement. By the way, would you like a little sherry?
So where?s the Ouija board?
Uh, I can?t pay, I mean I can?t make a donation for the magazines but I still want them. And I would also like to have a copy of ALL you?re literature, every book you have, and I can?t pay, I mean I can?t make a donation for that either. Could you set up a time next week so you could bring all that by? Did I mention I have a basement?
I like to get stoned when I study the Bible. Is that a problem?
Sure I?d love to have a bible study. I have a place set up just for that purpose in the basement!
Ok, sure let?s have a bible study. But later on, I get to punch you in the face, for every lie you?ve told me, K?
So, you?re the pedophile folks, right?
I?ll come to you Kingdom Hall this Sunday, if you?ll come to my church next Sunday.