Emotional Day (page 2)

simplesally

Yeah Sassy, we can do an msn chat party with Puter, invite whoever is on our list to cheer him up!!!!!!!!

LyinEyes

Puternut , reading your post made me have tears in my eyes.

You are such a loving father , I can imagine the pain you are going thru.

I have jw father who hasnt spoken to me in over 2 yrs now. He moved to another state and didnt even write a card,,,,,leave message on our cell phone with his new number. He is diabetic , and who knows what could happen. Not to mention my health at times, my emotional health, and my children,,,,his grandchildren who have even in his JW mind have done nothing,,,,,,,he just doesnt care.

I know by his actions I am dead to him, and it hurts,,,,,it angers me, I dont understand him at all. I can understand his JW mindset, but to leave a message with a phone to reach if only for an emergency would show me one little crumb of love. Why I want the man's love I dont know after all he has done to me, childhood and adulthood. I know I just will always love my father, even if I hate him too,,,,,,,if that makes any sense. Probably it does not in a half way sane person's mind, but being he is my only parent alive, I guess I hold on ,,,,,that he will see the light.

If he or I were to die, neither of us would be at the others ones funeral. His I wouldnt know about , unless a relative called,,,,,,,he wouldnt want me there I guess. For me, I make the choice that he didnt talk to me alive, he is not to see me dead or even attend my funeral. That will be my last statement to him. So I feel he is giving his statement to me now by his actions,,,,,,,and lack thereof.

Puternut,,,,,,,,,I can only hope that your daughters will see the light,,,,,,,young women, love their fathers and you seem to be a good one, I am sure they have many memories , good ones.

Maybe in time , those pains they feel, the missing you, because a religion told them to cut you off,,,will start to take root in their hearts. Even if they dont say they miss you to anyone eles, I would put my money on it they do very much. And I would say they will come to you in time.

I am so sorry for your pain and I know how certain songs , or other peoples post, dreams etc. can just hit me so hard any given day , it hurts. All I can do is send you ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) and understanding................Dede

shotgun

Puternut...big manly hug from shotgun((((())))))

Just for you buddy I'll try to squeeze some of the forum ladies in between us during the hug...it won't solve anything but I'm sure we'll both feel better!

Puternut

Thank you all for your support. It is nice to know that there are so many that care, and some know what I am going through today. I have bought cards, but haven't written on them yet. They are as of yet a blank page.

There is most definitely a difference between having no contact with my children/ or no contact with my parents or aunts or uncles.

Franklin, thanks for the suggestion about calling, but my calls are screened and they will not answer. I have tried numerous times.

Sassy, A chat would be most welcome tonight. After all it's Patties Day, and in the safety of my home I can have a few drinks and laughs.

Simplesally, please give Teryn a big hug for me? I miss her. When I buckled her in the other day in her car seat, she told me she loved me. That's something I haven't heard from a little one in a long time, it touched my heart. You should be proud of her.

Puter

PurpleV

They are young yet, as they mature there's a good chance they may think about things differently. Keep writing them. There is always hope. And with the way things are going with the WTBS, maybe soon their eyes will be open to all the deception and guess whose arms they are going to want to run crying into when they find out the truth about the troof?

Hugs

V

outoftheorg

Hello Puternut.

Perhaps you feel as I did when going through this stage in life. I had siblings and some of my children shunning me.

I knew in my mind and heart, that I had done nothing to deserve this and that it was cruel and unwarranted. I think that knowing this made it even harder to bear.

I oscillated between severe grief / sadness and anger.

I sent cards and phoned the children to keep up, what was a fragile relationship.

To the adults, I accepted that this may be how it will stay. While I kept my heart and door open to them. IF they would indicate some interest in my well being.

I stopped pursuing them in hopes of "causing them to treat me kindly", as I deserved.

This didn't happen overnight. It took some time to realize and accept, that all of them, "children and adults alike" are free agents and that I could not change them against their wishes. There was NO way that I could "FIX IT".

I could only adjust myself to adapt to the situation and move on.

At this point, the adults remain in their status as assholes, as they were.

Some of the children are changing and coming around. Not all of them at this time.

If I had not done this, I would still be carrying that heavy dark blanket of grief,sadness & anger, with me where ever I went and whatever situation I was in, it would always be there.

I know this is an awful time for you. The feelings you expressed are only natural and expected at this time. You are human and do not deserve these kinds of misstreatment and abuse.

Continue to send cards to the girls. Phone them after a while and study their response and what it may indicate. If possible, even send the ex an occasional card. Then give it time. Take the high road of interest and caring about your children and their lives and display it.

Things will get better. I would be willing to bet, that down the road a ways, your girls will begin to see things that will change their view of you.

Wishing you all the best in your journey.

Outoftheorg

simplesally

She didn't realize you were leaving til you didn't get back in the car............then she cried, "Where's ###?? Where's our friend? I gonna miss him." then she cried..........

She loves having adults around her who love her and play with her.........her dad loves her so much and is so good with her, she loves men as much as the women in her life.

Stefanie

I nearly cried reading these posts. I feel for all of you..

I dont know everybodies situation here but I know most have to do with JW's. Whats wrong with the world when a cult can over ride human emotions and natural love. Sometimes I get so depressed I dont know what to do..

Hugs to all and keep your chins up.

Puternut

I am having feelings of guilt today also. There are moments that I ponder on the fact that whether my decision about leaving the borg, was a wise choice. I know I had to do it for me, since I had been right in the middle of it all as a PO. My doubts started quite some time ago, and I knew there was something amiss within the borg. I also knew the great cost at which such decision would come. But over time my health declined and had a care less attitude about it. I know if I would have stayed, I would not have been happy either. And knowing the loss of children would be a difficult one. Yet one never gets the full realization of that, when one is in that actual position. So if I had to do it over again, knowing what I know now, I don't know what the answer would be. It is a toss up between my life's choices. I know that over time my children would have 'left the nest' and my contact with them would have been naturally lessened. Granted I would have some, but they would have their own lives and families. And this is part of the natural process. I know, they know I will be always there for them, yet the period between now and whenever in the future, seems far away. I am a patient man, but I am merely human and long for their precious faces. I love the unconditionally. My door is unlocked and wide open. I pray I won't be an old man in a retirement home, when my children come around. The thought of this never even happening is quite bothersome. Puternut

LyinEyes

Puternut I wanted to add something , hopefully to give you hope.

I know that losing contact with your children has to be the hardest loss an exjw can go thru, as you said losing parents, sister, bros.etc. is hard,,,,,but your children is another whole different kind of pain. I guess I am basing this on the fact that even thou I am not going thru what you are with your kids,,I know my life would not be the same without them. I even cry thinking of when they will leave me when it is their time to fly the nest.

But back to my point at the beginning of this post, was when my sister d/a herself.

I was the most devout JW,,,,,,,,,to the death,,,,,,,I signed my life and my babies life away three times ,due to the blood issues so, it was no problem to cut my sister off when she d/a herself.

I was in no way , shape , fashion or form, ever going to speak to her again,,,,,,,unless it was an emergency, I was so angry at her. Our mom has passed , and at the time , my dad didnt have much to do with me , even thou I was in his circuit, a faithful and good wife to my elder hubby, he kept me at a distance even then.

I would have never dreamed I would have walked away from being a JW. NEVER!!!!!!!!

But I did,,,,,,,,it was a miracle in itself that it came about,,,,,,,at first I didnt take to it very well at all. Then I couldnt deny what I was reading, from the societies own old magazine articles.

So , if so many of us hard core , been JW's our lives, grown people can change,,,,,,,,,your daughters have a damn good chance of changing their minds too, when the time is right, or the right thing just hits them.

There is so much more public information about JW's that is hard for any JW to ignore, the child abuse issues, soon the UN issue will be known more by faithful JW's and people will see what can not be denied anymore.

Plus the generation of your daughters and my son,,,,,,,is a generation of more acceptance and the idea that knowledge is power mentality.

Hang in there Puternut.

Emotional Day

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