Emotional Day

by Puternut 52 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Sassy

  Simplesally, please give Teryn a big hug for me? I miss her. When I buckled her in the other day in her car seat, she told me she loved me. That's something I haven't heard from a little one in a long time, it touched my heart.

  Puter.. that is where I am getting a child's love these days too.. Teryn..

  although it isn't the same.. is sure can warm our heart and make our day!

  see you tonight on MSN chat.. anyone else want to join in on our litle 'drinks and chat session and has MSN, contact me.. I'll figure how how codeblue pulled us together one night..
• 

  Sentinel

  ((({Puternut)))) There is a place in my heart for you. You are safe there. You can stay as long as you want, and nothing will be asked of you. You don't have to talk. You don't have to do anything, but "be".

  Your kids are young, but not babies. They are learning about the world in a distorted way, but they also have instincts. Don't lose hope that they will find their way back to you. Sometimes the best is saved for last. We can't change the past, but we do have a great deal of power inside ourselves. We can learn to keep our emotions from overwhelming us and bringing us down too often. We can do good things for ourselves.

  My JW mom chose to shun me back in '82 when I walked away, and there was no cause for her to be so unkind, unloving and rigid. She and my father moved far away, and totally cut me off. Dad used mom as an excuse for a long time. It hurt to feel so abandoned by my own parents. I faithfully wrote to them all the time, and then one day, I decided for myself that this one-way relationship wasn't working, and that I would stop writing. It took awhile, but my dad apparently got very upset because I wasn't communicating, and the next thing I know, they are both coming for a visit......for mom, it had been twelve years since I'd seen her. I was caustious during the "reunion" and all worked well until my dad died in '01. Mom suddenly went back to the strict shunning again and the family was divided once more. But the time we had together again, lasted ten years, and I treasure that so much. I've had to let go again. Each time, I think I learn a bit more about myself...my limitations, my abilities and qualities. I grow a bit stronger.

  Your children are being taught one thing about you, but in their hearts you are their father and they love you. Never give up hope. Take care of yourself my friend. Who knows. One day you may open the front door and get the biggest surprise of your life. You might be 75 years old when it happens, but who cares. Once it happens, the past will slide away as if it never happened. Live well now with hope for better days. You are a worthwhile human being and you've found your way. Now they have to find theirs.

  Karen
• 

  simplesally

  Aunnie Sassy..........she loves you, too, but you know that. Of all the things you have given this child, she loves the love the most, knowing so many love her......(and the necklace too.........but she is a girly girl, isn't she?)
• 

  Rabbit

  Puter:

  Earlier that day I came across some pictures of my kids. I haven't had any contact with them for a very long time. I feel empty without them. They are 19 and 17 now and the oldest is getting married this fall. I have been informed, I am not to be present.

  
  I am so sorry for you and them. They are hurting, too...they are just not able to express it. There are no winners here.

  I, too have had almost no contact with my 3 daughters for 7 years. I know that very familiar hollow, empty feeling . 2 of mine are the same ages as yours, the other older one...thank god, is slowly coming around. We talk briefly once a week, she supported my re-marrying to a non-witness. It has been a most hurtful long, long road. I, too was not invited, nor wanted at marriages, graduations and even at times my JW X wife, would not even call me when one of our children was in the hospital ! In 2 cases it was so serious, they could have died...she said sorry, she was just real busy and nothing I could have done anyway... Good Christian, huh ?

  I have been sending on occasion notes to my children to let them know that I still love them. Everytime I compose these notes, it is extremely difficult for me, because I don't expect a reply. Not that I am expecting one, but it's form of communication, and I would love to just even see a glimps of them.

  Puter, I've been doing the same for years...not one single response. Writing to them...tears my heart out, because of all the good memories that come flooding back to me. Many times if I did get to ask...did you get my card? The reply was, "No, What card?" I know my X 'intercepted them. "A form of communication," I've used those exact words...they can never say, I didn't care or I did not write or I abandoned them.
  I'll bet you don't even have current pictures of your kids, just like me. When long-time customers of mine ask, "How are your kids?" They pull out their pictures...then ask to see mine. They say, "I thought they were older, do you have any newer ones?" Well...and I start lying, saying these are some of my favorite ones...
  The only advice I can offer is: take one day at a time, keep on trying to show your love for them, don't let them forget that you are alive and never "go quietly into the night." Never Surrender...
• 

  Puternut

  Rabbit, you are correct I have no current pictures of them. I only have three small pictures that are old, to my name. It's all I have.........

  Karen,

  There is a place in my heart for you. You are safe there. You can stay as long as you want, and nothing will be asked of you. You don't have to talk. You don't have to do anything, but "be".

  Your words move me deeply. My eyes are heavy and my heart is in pain. I'd wish nothing more than to rest my head in the comfort of a trusted friend, and just let me 'be'. I need to cry from my soul, and fall asleep safely............

  Puternut
• 

  kat2u

  putter,

  I have these feelings of sadness also when thinking of my daughter and her baby.My way of dealing with it right now(it changes from day to day) is to accept the fact that IT HURTS and it hurts BAD and .Damnit I have a good reason to feel angry,sad,hurt,betrayed,and any other feeling that comes up along the way.Accept that you feel the way you do .its alright ,give yourself permission to feel.But be good to yourself!!! Take Care Of YOU!

  And hey if were gonna have an msn party tonite them im there.
• 

  dustyb

  i just read.......i'll dedicate this bud light to you....
• 

  Sunnygal41

  Puter, have you done any therapy with a professional about this stuff? I think, from my own experience, that you also would find it extremely stress relieving. You have to let some of that pain out in a supportive atmosphere. This forum is a great place, but, it wouldn't hurt to have some one on one also. I know how you feel. Although I have no children of my own, my sister has three beautiful boys that I am not allowed to communicate with, neither will she have anything to do with me. The only one that will talk with me is my mom, and only once a week, if that. It's very very burdensome emotionally and sometimes, when I'm very very vulnerable, I find myself angry and sobbing from moment to moment. I am glad you have shared it with us, though, hon, and I'm here to listen and give whatever little bit of hard earned advice I can.

  Hugs and kisses,

  Terri
• 

  Sunnygal41

  Rabbit, you are correct I have no current pictures of them. I only have three small pictures that are old, to my name. It's all I have.........

  Puter, the same thing here.........I have ONE picture that is about 3 years old of my three nephews.......all very handsome young men, dressed in tuxes for the oldest one's wedding day. It hurts really bad, I know. I recently asked my sister if she'd be comfortable sending me some updated pictures and she said no she wouldn't. So, I said, okay, well, I gotta get going then. I have resolved that other than an emergency with my mom that is my last attempt for a looonnnnngggg time with her. She's not the only one who has choices and the right to protect herself from heartbreak.

  Terri
• 

  blueyes

  Puter, I support all of the heartfelt responses to the hurt you're feeling today. I consider you a friend (and nearly a neighbor). You can call me anytime - you have a listening ear in this friend. You will be among friends soon. Your friend Blu -