Puternut,
Hang in there, there's always hope. One of my daughters recently left the borg. I had little to no discussion with either of them for around 4 years- it's tough, and I feel for ya.
Love_Truth- Here's to hoping.
Emotional Day
by Puternut 52 Replies latest jw friends
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Octavia
I love you.
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Puternut
Thanks you beautiful people and dear friends for all the comments.
I just talked online with some very special people this evening from the board in a MSN chat. It was very nice to hear all the support and care. We laughed and cried and vented, and we're all family. We all have our days and we need to support each other. This is THE place to make new friends and family.
Good nite, may peace be in your hearts..................
Puternut
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nelly1
awwww puternut I was so moved to read your posts that is so so sad to hear, boy this organisation does some damage to familes, I empathise with you, I remember being in and my 14 year old son breaking his back trying to become a UP and an elders grandaughter the same age( spoilt little brat, and little goodie 2 shoes) was made one one night at the service meeting and i remember my son going to the car and sobbing his eyes out, I think that was the day he began to give up, they just ignored him because he wasnt related to an elder or a pioneer or a CO he was just the son of a single mother who was married when he was born by the way, same with all of my other 2 kids, 2 of them dont talk to me although i have left and so have they, anyway they blame me i think for being in there all that time and the abuse they recieved at the hands of so called footstep followers of christ( well we all know thats the biggest bunch of B**shit ever anyway they are so not like christ.
but I know what you must be going through I havnt seen my son whos 20 now since he was 14, he was so screwed by some witnesses that he went to live with my mother and his father hed had enough and was emotionally shattered from trying his absolute best to meet their standards and it was never enough :(:(
my heart broke when i saw that kid so downhearted, then later on my poor daughter 11 at the time whod begged to go on the school for years and even given volunteer talks was struck off the school just before she was due to give her first talk by this ass of an elder who ran it.
because of something I was supposed to have done( bearing in mind he set me up) she was punished for it.
so even tho my situation is different puternut I still lost children too so i totally empathise with you and my heart goes out to you my friend.
we have to give each other comfort because who else do we have only other x jw understand our pain
so my heart goes out to you and heres some huggs
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((puternut)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
one day things will be put right i have no doubt about that and people will be held accountable so hang in there my freind
love nelly
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Dansk
Puternut
I spotted your thread only this morning and I have real empathy for you!
I know I had to do it for me, since I had been right in the middle of it all as a PO.
This REALLY cheered me up, the fact that you were a P.O. - because when JWs in high positions leave I believe congregations are more flabbergasted than usual. Your exit may have got many of your previous associates, and even those from surrounding congregations, questioning for themselves. More than you probably realise!
I may have missed this, but where is your wife in all this?
Regarding your children, my own two daughters cut my wife, their two brothers and I off a little over a year ago and I've been called some terrible things. I received a letter from my older daughter virtually telling me I'm the worst father in the world. My younger daughter insinuated that I bore some responsibility for an elder's wife committing suicide. Why? Because I live in the same street
But through it all, like you we keep our doors open ready for the day when they realise we've been telling the truth all along. AND THAT DAY, FOR YOU AND I AND COUNTLESS OTHERS IN SIMILAR SITUATIONS, WILL COME!
This is a really good thread because it hits home with so many people, it unites us all and it serves as a warning to others who may just pop in or be sitting on the fence that Watchtower is a breaker - NO, A KILLER - of hearts!
Happily, the rest of my family has really moved on and you can, too. Those aren't your children ignoring you! They are brainwashed automatons. Your children, like my own children, would never truly act that way normally. You have to tell yourself that one day they will see the Watchtower for what it truly is. Whenever I hear of one more person leaving the organisation my heart leaps with joy. Whenever I see one more newcomer here I laugh out loud. And whenever I see a thread like this I realise, once again, that I'm not alone; we're in the company of a great bunch of like-minded people.
Once a child reaches 16, and with all those hormones flying around their bodies, we know that they will start to make their own decisions. Sometimes they want to show us that they are their own man - and they make decisions that may pain and shock us. I look back at my own life and especially in my early 20s and realise I was no different. I trod a very painful path but I've come through it and I'm not the same person any more. That applies to our own children, too. If they don't do it soon, when they are older their outlook on life WILL change.
I watched a TV programme some months back about children and parents who'd fallen out and hadn't seen one another from many months to many years. Each and every one said that they always wondered what ther parents or children were doing and that they would like to be able to see them again. I derived immense comfort from that because, once again, it emphasised that no matter what happens in families its our humanity that eventually comes through. At the same time I have to say that if my children were NEVER to want to see their family again it would be their great loss. It can be immensely difficult and painful to keep one's integrity to the truth, but whoever heard the truth put to the worse in a free and open encounter? YOU'VE DONE NOTHING WRONG!
Hang in there, my friend, and focus on the fact that you have held true to your convictions. For each one of us that does similar we put Watchtower to shame.
Respectfully,
Ian
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Hunyadi
Puternut,
So many have already posted such kind and heartfelt responses to your grief and pain. Please feel my warm regards and know that you are loved, even if we have never met.
Sincerely,
Corvin
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Hapgood
Hugs (((((((Puternut))))))) My heart goes out to you, I'm so sorry for your pain. Keep sending them notes telling them how much you love them.
I'll pray for you that one day they will realize what they are doing to you and accept you for who you are.
Hapgood
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imallgrowedup
(((((Puter)))))
I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is so unfair that this despicable religion does this to families. I am so sorry that you feel so alone. I know you have friends, and you know you have us, but I also know that it just doesn't take the place of those you've loved and lost - especially when it is your children. I do think, however, that it is such a good thing for you continue to keep in touch with them, despite the pain it causes. Even if your children may appear calloused towards you (i.e. being told to stay away from the wedding), I know they are glad to hear from you and are happy to see that you are still trying to keep the lines of communication open for them. Whether they are 19 or 9 or 9 days old, they need to know that their Dad loves them and you are doing the right thing by showing them you do - even in the face of their obstinence. I'm just sorry that it has to be so hard on you.
My thoughts are with you ---
growedup
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bikerchic
(((((Puternut)))))
I'm sorry you are having so much pain right now. This religion does so much damage to families and it's shameful that they say that you will recognize the true religion by the love they show the brotherhood. Yes WTS we see the love, we feel the love, but most of all we live with the pain your kind of love causes us and our loved ones. Shameful! I get so angry when I think of this!
Puter never forget that on the other side they are missing their Dad. Please never stop letting your daughters know how much you miss them and love them. They read your letters and hold them dear to their hearts, how could they not have deep feelings being offspring's of yours. I can't emphasize enough how important it is to keep the communication open with them even if for a time it seems it's a one way street, believe me you are giving them things to think about every time you write them. Always include your contact information so they know where you are at all times, you never know what will come up in their daily lives it's important for them to know how to reach you.
I'm on the other side of this situation. My mother, sisters and nieces, nephew BIL have written me off. I get the brief email from my Mom which I cherish and at least she has stopped asking me if I will go back to the B'org, but I know she loves me and that means a lot. For her (a die hard dub) to even have this brief contact with me says more than words can say as to her love for me. I cherish that!
On the flip side when my oldest son was DF'ed over 10 years ago and still living at home I absolutely wouldn't draw the hard line of dubbiedoom with him and kept complete contact with him. This is the son I prayed to Jah to have and I'd be damned if an error on his part would make me disown him. He was young and what young person doesn't make mistakes? We are very close to this day and he has always let me know how glad he was that I never rejected him during such a difficult time in his life when he lost all his friends, he knew he still had his family!
That was when I really began questioning the WTS stance on DFing. I felt real pain in my heart for all the times I shunned DF'ed persons and quit! Having a DF'ed family member and seeing first hand the pain it causes I couldn't bear causing pain like that to others. I became very open about my feelings to others with family members who were DF'ed..........the cause of a few talks at the KH btw. Funny no elder talked personally to me, just on the platform at the KH! LOL
You hang in there and follow your heart, I know you will instinctively do the right thing by you and your daughters. Oh one question about pictures. Is there anyway without their knowing it you could snap a photo of them while they are out and about? Sneaky I know, but at least you would have current pictures of them.
Take care and be kind to yourself at times like this Puter!
Kate
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Puternut
Thanks bikerchic,
I am needing to remember that they are hurting as well from their side. I know they must be torn into as well. Having to listen to the elders and the borg, and yet knowing all the things we went through together in life. I am sure they miss that as well as I do. We were very close. I stayed up many nights with them playing video games and eating popcorn. Those are memories no one can take away.
I will continue to write them. I pray the elders aren't telling them they cannot write back. Both my girls live with my ex, and she is very controlling. That is her nature. All calls are screened, intercepted, or ignored. Sometimes I have to call for two weeks straight, before I get an answer from the house. I hope there is never an emergency again.
Last time my daughter was in the hospital, and I found out about that from someone else, who was kind enough to give me a tip. When I arrived, my wife practically barred me from the emergency room. I was df'd and was not to see my child. She is out of her mind!!! This is my child who is laying in the emergency room. I told her to stand aside, or I will .......
My ex, blamed her condition on me. Claiming it was emotional stress.
She was have her appendix out.