Welcome Garrett. You don't have to do anything. Just take the time you need to get better. I stopped attending the meetings suddenly after 50 years and I didn't get a single phone call or a visit for almost 2 years. By that time I had a clear picture of what I wanted the rest of my life to be. I also suffered from depression occasionally and since I left my outlook on life has completely changed. I hope you can experience the same as you distance yourself from the controlling cult the WT is. Telling the elders you are depressed is a great way to keep them at distance and allow you to fade. Keep us posted on your progress.
Hello
by Garrett 50 Replies latest jw friends
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berrygerry
Do not act hastily and D/A. Don't play the Org's game. Simply miss meetings on a regular basis. Stop field service immediately.
When Elders call you to arrange a shepherding call to find out why your failing to live up to their expectations, simply say, "Thank you for offer, but not at the moment. There are things I can only talk to Jehovah about, but if things change, I'll call you."
Although I strongly agree that you should not DA and should fade instead, do not be afraid to tell them that you are badly depressed and are trying your best to rely on Jehovah.
They will then avoid you.
MANY, MANY JW's are severely depressed.
I went through a prolonged depression (over 10 years - thought of suicide every single day - 24/7).
Oddly enough, the more meetings I missed and less field service I did, the less depressed I became.
I have not set foot in a JW building in nearly a year - and my depression is GONE.
You may not realize it yet, but at 21, you are darn lucky.
Many of us here went through decades of torment before we woke up all the way.
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Village Idiot
Garrett, since you suffer from severe depression have you gone to see a doctor?
Depending on your personal history and diagnosis they may prescribe medication that could help. I know this from personal experience since I too have suffered from severe depression all my life. I remember sitting at the meeting one day and, for no reason at all, was about to start crying. I wish my elders had counseled me about getting help instead of the usual "pray to Jehovah" crap.
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millie210
Hi Garrett and welcome to the forum.
In my experience, true friends and good advice can be found here.
What everyone is telling you is wise...dont write a letter about leaving, just quietly stop going.
Its all about keeping your options open.
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3rdgen
Welcome Garrett,
Since you are suffering from depression your first priority needs to be your health. Have you seen a doctor to rule out any physical problems that may be contributing to your depression? Medication may be in order as well- at least temporarily. I suffer from SAD (seasonal affective disorder) which makes the short dark days of winter miserable. Read about the disorder and see if that my be a factor for you.
Meetings and other JW activity makes depression worse. Stay away from that toxic environment!
Finally, please, please don't make important decisions while in a depressed state. Rather than send a letter of resignation which can not be undone, take this time to learn and heal. Be sure to read the books Londo suggested.
All the best to you
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ABibleStudent
Welcome Garrett. Your observations/doubts are very valid.
If you can, move, fade, get additional education, and make more non-JW friends. Transferring your publisher card between several congregations where no one knows you like playing musical chairs, might help you fade the easiest.
Watching the following video and reading information from cult-exit counselors, like Steven Hassan, may help you a lot: Strategic Interactive Approach explained 2003 (1:23:23). You have the rest of your life to enjoy with a little planning and some effort.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
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Marvin Shilmer
Garrett,
Much of what you depict is a predictable outcome based on an admission Watchtower made years ago of the reason for all the time consuming activity. Most JWs have no idea Watchtower officials made this admission, and it's telling:
Why the unrelenting pressure for more and more organized religious activity?
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OnTheWayOut
A big welcome to you. As far as hours go, it's ingrained in the culture of Jehovah's Witnesses from the days when selling literature paid for everything and helped expand the membership. It still exists, in my opinion, because it is not only ingrained but it also helps keep the average JW busy or feeling guilty that they don't do more.
The title of pioneer, auxiliary pioneer- these are highly coveted mostly by women who cannot gain status in the congregations and by men who desire to move up in the organization. The organization tries to insist that you should desire to move up and the entire upper echelon is made up of people who had to pioneer to get where they are today.
Your point on hypocrites is valid. If nothing else, it shows that JW's are no better than others.
On elders shepherding, I am very sorry to hear of your depression and I must say that the elders don't know what to say. All they are trained to do is to tell members to do more. The answer to everything is to do more meetings, prayer, recruiting, reading, volunteering. Please remember that and seek real help somewhere.
I won't try to defend the JW's that "forgot" you when you moved, but people are busy. JW's are more busy than the vast majority of people. Unless you were the tightest of tight highly active JW friends with them, most members have to move on to the people around them. I have great former JW friends scattered across the United States. Don't get me wrong. I will talk with them and offer to listen/help when I can, but for the most part I am busy and they are busy and we don't stay tight and in touch as much as we all would like. Anyway, make better friends because regardless of what I just said, active JW's only want to stay close with other active JW's. Highly active JW's only want to stay close with other highly active JW's.
On your point 6 on no joy at the meetings, once doubt rises, once you show yourself the problems with the meetings, it is hard to keep convincing yourself that you are happy. That's really all the members are doing- fooling themselves to feel that they are happy. Otherwise, the endless treadmill lifestyle (running to get nowhere) can really be miserable.
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ToesUp
Garrett...Welcome!
You are one of the lucky ones. The reason I say this is because you are so incredibly young. You have your whole wonderful life in front of you.
My family and I have faded. It's been 2+ years since we have been to a meeting. We are both born ins. We have exited with our children.
Reading your post is exactly the same reasons why we decided to leave. The hypocrisy, lack of love and climbing the JW ladder is mind boggling. It was not until we left that we started to read things like JW facts, Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz and came on this site. That is when we learned TTATT (The Truth About the Truth). Once you start learning the false doctrines and failed predictions you can not go back. You will learn about how the JW's were affiliated with the United Nations. One thing that really affected me was a place called Beth Sarim. This was a mansion that Rutherford lived in. The story behind that is interesting and Crazy. Rutherford also drove 2 Cadillacs during the depression. You have so much to learn it's incredible.
The most important thing we can tell you is DO NOT TALK TO ANYONE about what you are leaning. They will DF you so quick it will make your head spin. We have each other to talk to but we also come on this site to vent and read other peoples experiences. There are so many people that are going thru and have been thru what you will experience. There are some really good people on this site. Some you may agree with others, not so much. It's ok...you gotta do what works for you.
Use your depression to fade out. If the brothers come around use the depression to miss meetings, field service, etc. Do not share what you are learning with anyone. Trust no one. Like you said...they ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS.
Take it slow and know we are all here for you.
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freemindfade
Fade