Hello

by Garrett 50 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Pete Zahut

  Good post Garret. I hesitate to give you advice since I know very little about your situation, especially about something so varying as depression.  Hopefully you are seeking professional help to get to the bottom of what's causing it.

  Having said that, I do know that unless there is a physical condition at the root of your depression, often it can be  your body's message to you that something in your life needs to change.
  

  If you are forcing yourself to put up with or go along with a situation that has become intolerable to you, depression can be your body's way of forcing you to make a change that you on some level already realize, needs to take place. It doesn't even have to be a big one, to cause your depression to ease off a bit.
  

  Perhaps a break from all things JW for a few weeks, might be a way of testing the waters in terms of seeing an improvement in your depression. They offered to help you and you gave them ample opportunity to help but they didn't. From here on in, at least for awhile, I wouldn't mention your plans to them. These folks seem well meaning but they are ill equipped to do anything but keep you on the same treadmill they've been conditioned to stay on themselves.
  

  The good news is, you are only 21 and you sound like an articulate and sensible fellow. Although it may seem like it, this isn't an emergency, you're just a young guy trying to figure out where he stands in regard to the "church" he's attending. You have more power over this situation that you probably realize.

  Keep talking, keep questioning and keep listening to your inner voice. Keep your nose pointed forward and aimed toward positive and healthy thoughts and activities. You're only 21 but some of the most interesting 40, 50 and 60 year old's I know, are doing the very same thing.

  
  
• 

  SAHS

  To “Garrett”: Working in your favour is the fact that not only are you just 21 years old but also that none of your family are Jehovah’s Witnesses. You haven’t accumulated as much baggage and family entanglement as us poor folks like me who are older. (I’m 48½ years old.)

  As for the depression, I do hope that it is being taken care of by a competent doctor. I too am on antidepressant medication. I used to self-medicate for quite a long time by drinking, mainly the bubbly stuff that pours out of those taps at the pub. Now I’m trying to go about things a little smarter.

  Just like “Hortensia” wrote, I too “I figured I was going to be burnt toast at armageddon anyway.” I grew up basically thinking that I was on death row for having been condemned because I had sinned against the holy spirit. (Thus my user name, “SAHS.”) But now that I have done some extensive research on the Watchtower’s quirky and fallacious interpretations and policies, I have switched to a much more agnostic and atheistic direction (a much expected and understandable result for many of us, after having been force-fed so much tripe and puke for so long by “God’s one-and-only true organization”).

  I think that “EndofMysteries” is absolutely right in saying: “If you don’t have family in or anybody you care to keep in contact with, then by all means DA or just don’t show up again.” But in that case, I would say to anyone in your situation: “DA and just don’t show up again.” I mean, what would you have to lose? You will find that if you submit your own personal disassociation letter to the Watchtower, it will give you the satisfaction of having given them a good piece of your mind – which is most validating and exhilarating, and tends to have a very positive effect on one’s depression as well! You will find that the longer you have been away from the stagnant and oppressive Watchtower cult environment, the better off you will be in all respects. And all that nonsense of the cult will eventually just seem like the bad dream that it is.

  Take care, and all the best to you in your personal search for meaning and serenity.
• 

  molybdenum

  Hi there

  I have had very similar feelings to you

  I found this information very helpful

  http://www.perimeno.ca/Index_A.htm

  Hope it helps you too

  
  
• 

  Blackfalcon98

  Hi Garret, welcome to your awakening! This forum should prove helpful to you in the coming months, in the interim, I would encourage you to avoid DA yourself. This will only sever ties with family and friends. You don't have to do this unless it becomes a last resort. 
• 

  clarity

  Want to welcome another newbie. Hello to Brandnew!
• 

  EdenOne

  Welcome, Garrett.

  First and foremost - seek professional help for your depression issue. Don't for a minute rest thinking that Bible counsel or getting more deeply engaged in any kind of theocratic activity will be of genuine help. You need professional counseling and most likely, medication. Once you're on medication, it's really important that you stick to it under your doctor's supervision. Most JW's have a tendency to downplay medical science in favor of "natural meds" or other kinds of "alternative therapies" offered by charlatans that often are JW's themselves or their relatives. Don't follow that trend.

  Then, use that depression to your advantage - as an excuse to fade from the field service, KH meetings, and evade shepherding calls from Elders. Eventually they will give you some room (mainly because they don't want to deal with it, anyway) and then you will have some room to breathe. You will, from time to time, deal with guilty feelings, and those may add to your anxiety and depression, but they will too start fading away. Just don't allow yourself to be guilt-driven back into the Org. You're young and don't have much 'baggage' (children, relatives) within the Org, and, like others have said, it makes things so much less complicated.

  In the meantime, try to find some interesting activity, a hobby, a pet, that may safely capture your attention and affection away from the KH. 

  Eden
• 

  Garrett

  Hello everyone!

  I don't know if you guys can see this (not sure how the forum works). But I wanted to thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses. I have never received such help in such a short amount of time and it has been a bit overwhelming.

  If any of you can help me figure out how to respond to individual questions/posts, that would be wonderful.

  I just wanted to let you all know that after writing my post and putting my plan into action to leave, I feel so FREE and I feel happier. Like a huge weight is lifted from my shoulders.

  Thank you all <3
• 

  Vidiot

  @ Garrett...

  Dude, your story has been told here so many times by so many people...

  I remember the first time I realized for certainty that the WT lifestyle and worldview was not condusive to good mental and emotional health.

  It felt like a kick in the balls.
• 

  Heaven

  Welcome, Garrett. 

  Well it is obvious you have critical thinking skills and intellectual honesty. This is wonderful!   It does mean, you'll never be able to be a Jehovah's Witness. I know as this is what happened to me. I was born in never baptized. I couldn't be honest with myself and sign up to this crap. I have never received satisfying answers to my questions from these folks simply because they don't know. It's all made up and it changes over time. How can you claim to have truth one day and change it to say this is the 'new' truth (aka nu lite) the next? To me it is obvious there is no higher power guiding this group.

  I think you'll find your depression abates as you distance yourself from the JWs.  

  If your depression does not get better, definitely seek professional help. You may need a counsellor to help you work through this time. 

  My advice... look to who you really are and do what you love. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people. They are out there.
• 

  OneFingerSalute

  As others have said DO NOT put anything in writing.

  The written word can stand forever against a person, however the spoken word can be explained, denied or ignored. Much safer that way. Whenever I get questioned I just give them a baseball bat look and walk away.