4 year old pushes religion on my kid...

by flower 46 Replies latest social family

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  flower

  so this kid at my kids preschool apparently had a goldfish named peppe who died over the weekend. for the past 4 days he has been telling my son repeatedly that the fish is in heaven where everyone goes when they die unless they are bad.

  my son in turn has been questioning me on a daily basis about death and dying and the like. i tell him that death is part of the cycle of life that starts at birth and ends when you are very old and your body stops working or if someone get very very sick sometimes doctors cant fix their bodies. i think considering hes 4 this is age appropriate and all he needs to know about it.

  so anyway today after four days straight of picking up my son and being barraged with questions about what happens after death because 'bradley says...' I finally got fed up with it and called the director of his school. i dont think that a child should be allowed to push his or his familys religous beliefs on other children. the teachers had to have been hearing this as i even heard it myself when i dropped him off one morning and the kid has been talking about it non stop. they claim not to have heard him mention the fish going to heaven only that it died. bs. i suggested they discuss with the children that everyone has different beliefs and that is ok.

  geez! what happened to the baby years when all they do is eat, sleep and poop?! now they ask questions, questions and MORE questions.

  its really frustrating and exhausting. hell, i dont know most of the answers to his questions and i thought that was ok to admit to him. if i dont know something i say 'i dont know'. but with the bradleys of the world who know everything, suddenly 'mommy doesnt know anything' as i've been told most recently.

  :-(
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  nilfun

  Flower you are right. It is okay to admit to your child when you don't know the answer. I think it is better to say "I don't know" to my children than to make something up.

  now they ask questions, questions and MORE questions.

  And he's just getting warmed up!

  Hang in there, Flower.
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  seeitallclearlynow

  So true, flower! And later we look back and long for the days when they were 4, so little, so yours.
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  Princess

  I know what you are talking about flower. I was volunteering in my daughter's kindergarten class this week, working with a Ukranian boy on a weather chart. He told me God tells him the weather and he's seen God in church. I asked what he looked like and he said he's big and white. I asked if God smiles or looks mean. That's when he told me God sends bad people to hell to be with the demons.

  Holy sh*t! Nice thing to teach your five year old. It makes me sick that people teach such crap to their kids.

  I told him I'd be sure to cut back on my stealing. (I had asked what bad people do, he said steal and stuff like that).

  A few weeks ago my son and I were talking about what people believe. He asked if Jesus was really real. Was he ever really alive? Do people really go to heaven when they die and meet Jesus? I was momentarily stuck because I currently don't have much to offer on the issue. So, I told him I thought it was a good thing to believe and it seemed better to have a hope like heaven than to just die. He said if it's true than Sharon (Mulan's cousin) knows Jesus now. I thought that was really sweet. I can only imagine how he'd obsess if we taught him bad people go to hell to live with demons.

  Rachel
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  simplesally

  Pongo the dog got hit by a car the other day........he belonged to one of the pre-schoolers at my daughter's day-care. My daughter told me that Pongo ran in front of a car and now he lives with Heaven. I asked her who else lives in heaven. She said God.

  Well, my concern is two-fold.........one that the student is allowed to promote this and 2nd that my daughter does not believe the dog is dead. She said he is running in heaven. So, if she has no fear of death, she might run in front of a car.

  Flower, I know what you are talking about.......... sometimes, though the teachers don't really hear what the students are saying when they are playing on the playground. Four days though, sounds like it might have reached a teacher's ear.
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  SixofNine

  Today in the parking lot of the beer store (next to Walmart), there was a little chit crying because his balloon had gotten away. I tried to cheer him up by saying that "god took your balloon", but the li'l ankle biter was an atheist I reckon, 'cuz it only seemed to make him cry harder. What's a concerned citizen to do? *burp*
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  bebu

  Well personally, I think a 4-year old kid deserves a lot of slack, esp. as his goldfish just died.. and his parents were obviously trying to comfort him. He is repeating this to comfort himself I think. I don't think his parents said, "Go off to school now and push religion on your friends." He is only 4! At that age, they are beginning concrete thinking. They are not experts in abstract reasoning.

  bebu
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  simplesally

  Bebu, I think you are right.

  I also think that Flower can ask that the school give a little lesson in different beliefs...... I mean what if someone believed in Buddha there or was a Jw.........it would be a nice class lesson for the 4 year olds and above........ just a note about being different. Today, my daughter was upset that her new Care-Bear did not sing, he only glowed in the dark, she wanted me take him back!!!!! Well, I tried to explain that the poor bear would be lonely and have no family. That he was different and she should love him just the way he is. I tried comparing red hair to black hair and blue eyes to hazel eyes........ her dad has 'black' hair and hazel eyes.......and we have blue eyes and red hair.......but she loves her Daddy anyway.

  Tonight, she won't let that Care-Bear go. She is hanging on tight to him.
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  bisous

  agree bebu....

  having raised 2 of my own and the resulting association with variety of schoolmates throughout the years, Flower, i think the questions and the other children's comments are natural, common and part of the fabric of living and growing up with other people. I doubt that a 4 year old is going to be "pushing" religion on anyone ... or in fact has any concept of religion. also agree that for a little one going through a loss, the response the parents provided seem pretty natural...even for parents who don't belong to a specific religion.

  i think given our collective experience/torment, we are highly sensitized to anything that smells remotely like dogma or doctrine, and sometimes we reach that conclusion pretty quickly.

  teachers aren't able to (nor supposed to IMO) monitor all the various conversations going on to ensure every belief is represented. i think your responses are spot on Flower, "I don't know" and "Some people believe this way (XYZ) but I don't believe that and its okay to believe what you want to" were some of the ways I approached these things. when they were older, I allowed them to explore other beliefs on their own ... always made sure they knew my thoughts but encouraged them to discover their own beliefs when ready. I let them go to church with school mates, and in high school they took religions of the world coursework to explore further.

  My advice/observation would be: It is a difficult journey as a single mom, and we are specially marked because of our experiences...but try to let them be with the variety of thoughts there. The bigger deal you make of it, the bigger deal it will become.

  good luck, kim
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  Abaddon

  Flower, get your kid to tell the other kid he was visited by an angel who told him his goldfish was sent to cat heaven by mistake and has been eaten and is now angelic cat doo-doo.

  Alternately (if your kid knows santa is fake) get your kid to respond; "Ha! and I bet you believe in Santa Claus too. Next thing you'll tell me is Oscar the Grouch is real!"

  On a more serious note, I think the best thing is to say that people believe different things, that no one's been to heaven and back, so we don't know if it's real, but that some people feel better thinking of someone, even a pet that died, in heaven alive and happy instead of being dead. Tell him the other little kid is entitled to believe what he wants, but just 'cause he says something doesn't mean he's right as he's a four year-old kid.